Red and White
by ProcurerFaith
Summary: Repost. When Matt suffers a terrible injustice at the hands of a vile teacher, he forgets how to communicate his pain and it's down to his friends and family to find out what went on. Rated for references to male rape, though there are no graphic scenes.
1. Chapter 1

_**Red and White**_

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together._

_**Author's Note; 16**__**th**__** May 2008**__ – Seeing as this is the fic that's been most requested over the past seven years, I figured I'd go ahead and stick it up as the first of the backlog. Remember edits may not quite appear as you remember them, as I'm hashing together the beta and the original uploads. I do not plan to come back and amend this work (if I start picking holes in it, I'll never stop XD)._

_More than five years after I first posted 'Red and White', people still ask for it. I guess that alone is some kind of awesome credit right there. Thank you so much, guys :)_

_**Chapter One**_

"I hate basketball." Matt lamented, taking off the red vest marker he was wearing. Tai took off his white one too and replied,

"Soccer's better."

"I mean, I know my brother likes it, and everybody says I should be good at it because I'm tall- but that doesn't mean I have to _like_ it."

"Nope.

"Are you coming down with me to see the guys after school or what?" Asked Tai.

"Nah. I've gotta do that assignment for science."

"Man, you have a whole week to do that!"

"Get in the changing rooms now- and don't forget to shower!" Their gym teacher yelled. He was a big man, muscular and built to withstand hurricanes. Matt gave him a cold look from the corner of his eye, and then looked away- unaware that the look had been seen and noted.

"Hey, what do you think's wrong with that guy?" Tai frowned, silently indicating the new gym instructor.

Matt shrugged as they walked into the changing room and began to strip off.

"I am _so_ glad this is our last lesson on a Friday…" Tai shook his head before slipping on his shirt.

"Why?" Matt frowned.

"Because it doesn't require any brainwork." Tai grinned, and Matt tutted, shaking his head. Wrapping his towel around himself, he headed off to the shower section of the room.

Some minutes later, Tai was tapping his foot in irritation.

"Why are you always the last guy to be ready?" He asked, whilst Matt reappeared from the showers, drying his hair.

"Because I shower and you go home smelly." Matt grinned playfully. Tai poked out his tongue. As he did so, he caught sight of the clock on the wall.

"Oops! I said I'd meet Kari."

"When?"

"About now. I have to go!" Tai picked up his bag and raced to the door. The room was empty except for the two boys.

"Tai! Wait up, I'll come with you! I can't be bothered with the assignment right now!" Matt yelled, following him up to the door.

"Can't wait! Kari'll smack me!"

"_Tai_!" Matt yelled around the doorframe after Tai as he raced away down the corridor. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Don't shout in the corridor." The voice was big and heavy. Matt turned to see the gym instructor sitting on a small wooden seating strip attatched to the wall. He looked up at Matt darkly.

"Sorry, sensei." Matt bowed slightly, suddenly feeling very aware of the towel at his waist and very little else. As he looked up from the bow, he saw the teacher approaching him. He drew back slightly, reversing into the changing rooms. Mr Gokansha kept urging Matt forwards and shut the door behind them.

"I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know-"

"Didn't know you shouldn't shout in the corridors or didn't know I was there?"

Matt paused before answering truthfully- nobody had much of an idea about this guy yet and Matt feared a lie would just get him into more trouble.

"Didn't know you were there, sensei."

The gym instructor strolled around Matt until he came face to face with him again.

"You don't like me much, do you?… What's your name again?"

"Ishida Yamato."

"You don't like me very much, do you, Ishida Yamato?"

Matt paused to wonder at this question, and his heart stilled as he tried to think of a diplomatic answer.

"I don't know you very well yet, sensei. I haven't had a chance to think about it."

"Tell me the truth. The way you looked at me- back there, at the end of the lesson. I know that look."

Matt had taken to looking straight ahead whilst the teacher prowled around him.

"I don't know, sensei. Nothing was meant by it."

Mr Gokansha smiled like a tiger with the scent of antelope in his nostrils.

"Turn around."

"Sensei?" Matt was troubled by the request.

"Turn around, do as you're asked."

Nervously, Matt did so, standing with his back to the teacher. He unconsciously clutched his hands behind his back as he stood, awaiting some kind of chastisement- and then hopefully the permission to go home. He was already quite freaked out by the comments the new teacher had made.

"You're not like the other boys are you, Ishida Yamato?"

"Sensei?"

"Be quiet. I said, you're not like the other boys."

Matt didn't reply- the response of the teacher to his half-asked question had been abrupt and offered him no chance to respond. No way to diffuse the situation.

"You know, you're the only boy who showers on Friday afternoon. I noticed that last week, the first time I taught you. I guess the other boys don't bother, because they figure they'll shower when they get home.

"But you always smell _clean_.

"You must have been taught well at home."

"S-"

"Don't speak. I didn't say you could speak, Ishida Yamato.

"You're a very _pretty _boy, aren't you?"

Shock threaded through Matt's body. He felt fear groping at his chest, and was very aware of his heart beating sharply within it. He turned back to Mr Gokansha, staring him straight in the eye for a moment.

"Lower your eyes to me. I'm your sensei, how _dare _you look at me!"

Matt immediately did so, out of trained respect.

"Take off your towel."

Matt's body stiffened and he looked up again.

"Lower your eyes, dammit!

"I said to take off your towel, Ishida Yamato."

"N-no." Matt forced, feeling doom approaching at a pace quicker than he could use to control it. His eyes moved quickly from one patch of floor to another as he desperately tried to control his frightened brain. This situation was spiralling out of his control. His mind started to race:

_What can I do, where can I run to, where can I hide?_

Before he had decided on an answer for any of these questions, he felt himself be pushed full-force back against the metal bars between the benches in the centre of the room. The towel around his waist disappeared.

The wind and sense temporarily knocked out of him, he gazed dazedly up at the gym teacher, who was holding him tightly to the bars.

"I said, 'take off your towel, Ishida Yamato'."

Matt sensed more than felt the bump on his head he'd been given by the bars. He desperately tried to regain his senses as the sensei dragged him towards the shower area.

He quickly sensed liquid around his feet, and heard the sound of rushing water.

All the showers were on.

He heard himself cry out in terror, but then felt a hand across his mouth.

"With the showers on, Ishida Yamato, there's nobody who can hear you scream."

Within moments, he was forced to his knees.

"Nobody can hear you scream."

Head down, hands pushed forward in front of him to the floor.

"Nobody can hear you scream."

Bunched up, on his knees.

_Nobody can hear me scream_.

* * *

Matt hadn't moved at all. He didn't know how long he had stayed there in that position, under the pounding water of the showers. It could have been hours. It could have been minutes. It could have been days. Mr Gokansha had gone- was it minutes or hours ago?

The water slipped and slid through Matt's darkened blonde hair. It dripped in front of his face, and he dared raising his glazed eyes to it. And the movement made him shiver. And he continued to shiver, realising that the water had run cold some time before.

As he moved, he dislodged something clumpy with his foot. Looking around blankly, he saw some blood float serenely towards the drain. He gazed behind him, his mind quite hidden in a small pocket somewhere inside his head, clearly too terrified to come out of bed.

There was a little more blood on the floor behind him- so, moving slowly and shakily, he began to scoop everything away with his hands towards the drain. The white tiles beneath him, around him and above him, seemed only to accentuate the redness of the blood- and of the pain.

Every movement invited pain, but Matt blinded himself to it. He had to do this thing. He had to clean up. He had to make his horrible experience go away, he had to make it not exist- and right now, that meant he had to clean away every single scrap of evidence that suggested it had.

When he was done, he cleaned himself thoroughly all over- but couldn't get rid of a feeling of dirtiness, or having been sullied.

Eventually, he wandered dully out to the changing area to get dressed again. He moved mechanically, like he was dreaming- like in fact, this had all been some terrible nightmare and that he was due to wake up soon. He gazed up blankly at the clock on the wall and noticed that an hour and a half had passed since Tai had left him.

Since Tai had left him.

And he himself had gone home.

He tried desperately to make himself believe that the past hour and a half did not exist.

The world felt grey and cold, and so, so lonely.

* * *

Found his way home, found his father not yet returned from work, found his way to the shower, and showered a further three times in an hour. Found blood in his pants and so put them in the wash. Found dark pyjamas and dark bedclothes and put them on. Went to bed.

Some time later- he had no idea how much time- he head his father open the front door and enter the apartment. Heard movement. Heard his father enter his dark room.

"Matt?"

He was awake- his eyes were blank and open in his head- but he didn't answer.

"Matt?" Dad wasn't going to leave it.

"Mm?"

"What are you doing in bed at this time? It's early for you, you're normally up much later than this." Masaru asked, concern in his words. Matt found his hidden voice as soon as he could. He replied croakily, the words cracked and split open- no matter how hard he tried to make them sound better.

"Don't feel well."

"Which bit?" Masaru approached his son as he squirmed in the bed, sensing a presence behind him that, no matter how familiar, frightened him. Masaru placed a hand on his son's forehead from behind.

"All of it." Matt's voice was barely audible.

"You _are_ hot. But your hair is soaking! No wonder you're ill if you go to bed with wet hair." Masaru scolded. He turned the light on as he moved to leave the room and get a towel.

"If you're gonna go to bed after a shower, dry your hair first. Come on, get up and dry it. It won't take you a minute."

Matt didn't want to get up. He wasn't sure what kind of state his pyjamas and the bedcovers were, and he wasn't sure they were dark enough to hide the darker blood he knew would be lurking there.

"C'mon, get up." Masaru stood expectantly at the door with a towel. Matt moved to the edge of the bed, covering it immediately when he got up and never turning his back on his father once as he dried his hair with the towel and then the hairdryer. Just as Matt shakily put the hairdryer down, his father walked briskly over to the bed and turned over the pillow, so that a dry side was up. Then he threw the covers back.

"What's this?" He frowned as he ran his finger over some dark spotting on the bedsheet. Matt froze.

"Don't know." He still faced his father. Masaru shrugged eventually and indicated that his poorly son should get into bed. Matt did so, managing to hide the back of himself from his father's view.

Masaru practically tucked Matt in.

"You're really pale. You sure you'll be okay tonight?" Matt swallowed and nodded, knowing with a sinking feeling that he was drowing, and that he wouldn't be all right tonight or tomorrow or the next day…

"You'll be all right tomorrow." Masaharu comforted as he turned out the light and shut the door. Matt turned away from the door, to face the wall.

_No. I won't._

That night, Masaharu woke to what sounded like the shower being used. Half asleep, he turned over and ignored it, counting it as a leftover from a strange dream he could no longer remember.

* * *

The weekend passed bleakly. Dad worked most of it, and Matt spent the days curled up in a quilt on the floor in front of the TV. He knew his brother had tried to contact him from the caller ID of the phonecall he had chosen to ignore, but still he chose to ignore it further. He had, at least, finally stopped bleeding.

* * *

Got up, showered, got dressed, packed schoolbag, showered again. Checked bedclothes and washed them and last night's pyjamas for the third time in as many days. Left in a hurry.

"Matt? Are you listening to me?" Tai prodded Matt with his finger as they sat next to each other at the lunch table. Matt turned around, clearly having not concentrated on a word Tai had said.

"I said, why didn't you bring any lunch?"

_I said to take off your towel, Ishida Yamato…_

Matt panicked, grabbing his bag and speed away from the table as fast as he could to the bathroom- where he felt sick to his stomach and wanted to throw up- but he didn't remember eating over the weekend, and so there was nothing _to_ throw up.

_Something's wrong with me._

* * *

"Hi, TK's phone."

"It's TK's dad. Is he there?"

"Sure, Mr Ishida, just a second." Kari put her hand over the microphone and called to TK, who was in the middle of giving Davis a smart smack on the arm for cheating him in a game of 'Space Spiders' on the Playstation 2.

"Was that my phone? Sorry…" TK asked, standing up and smacking the undefeated Davis off his leg as he tried to trip him. TK immediately turned around and poked his tongue out at Davis, who returned the favour gleefully from his upside-down position on the carpet. Kari pulled a face and said,

"It's your dad…" TK pulled a confused face in return.

"What does he want?"

"Why don't you talk to him and find out?"

"Sure. That would be a good idea wouldn't it?" TK grinned goofily for a second, and Kari rolled her eyes.

"Hey, Dad." TK took the phone.

"Hey TK, it's me. You okay?"

"Sure."

"Have you spoken to Matt recently?" TK frowned.

"No, not for about a week. I tried to call him Sunday, but nobody was at home and he didn't answer his cell. Why?"

"I'm… He's… I'm concerned. He's not himself at all- he's closed off and drawn up inside himself."

"I hate to tell you, Dad, but that _is_ Matt." TK grinned.

"No, I mean… really badly. He's gone to bed as soon as he gets in every night this week. I tried to get him to sit down and eat something tonight when I came in but he just gave me a look and went back to bed."

"It's only Wednesday… Maybe he's just tired, though."

"Will you talk to him for me? He seems to listen to you- nothing I say is getting through to him. I don't know if he's ill or just unhappy. He hasn't had a fight with any of your friends, has he?"

"Not so far as I know. But sure, I'll talk to him." TK was catching his father's worry. He knew that if his father was concerned enough to call him and ask for his help in dealing with Matt, then something was very wrong indeed.

"I'll call later."

"Give it a while, hm?"

"Sure."

Davis was enjoying flying solo in his space spider when TK came to sit beside him again. His expression was disturbed, but thoughtful.

"What's up with _you_?" Davis asked, elbowing TK and pushing the PS2 controller towards him. TK shrugged, shook his head and pushed the controller away again.

"I don't know. Maybe nothing."

"Oh, c'mon! Play, play, play!" Davis pushed the controller towards TK again. TK gave him a look which clearly said 'leave it; I don't _want_ to play right now'.

Davis pouted.

"So what did your dad want?" He asked sulkily, putting his controller down too. Kari came back over to listen to his answer.

"He's worried about Matt. If Dad calls _me _to ask about Matt, he must be _really_ worried."

"In what way?" Kari asked.

"He says he's not acting right at all. I don't understand, he hasn't told me anything- and we're normally pretty good like that."

"Talk to him." Kari suggested simply. TK shrugged and looked helpless.

"Sure- easier said than done with Matt, you know that. If he doesn't want to talk, he won't talk."

* * *

Natsuko yawned before picking up the ringing phone. She expected it to be TK, asking to be picked up from Tai and Kari's house.

She was somewhat surprised to find her ex-husband on the other end.

"Natsuko."

"Masaharu."

"I'm…worried about Matt." Natsuko's stilted attitude changed immediately.

"Why? What's wrong?"

Masaharu went on to explain his concern for their son. Natsuko listened with concern.

"Maybe he's just tired?" She suggested hopefully. Masaharu sighed.

"No. It's not that. TK suggested the same. He's pale and wasted, and I don't even see him anymore. He just goes to his room and goes to bed."

"Have you talked to him?" Natsuko asked- knowing what the answer was likely to be. There was a pause.

"You know I'm not good like that."

"_Get _good. Our son clearly needs us."

"_Us_ is where it comes into play right now. I'm supposed to be working late tomorrow night, but…I just don't think I can. I think I should be here at home for when Matt gets in from school, but I get caught up so often, that-"

"He'll know I'm checking up on him." Natsuko interrupted.

"It doesn't matter. It won't be you he's mad with- it'll be me."

"I can 'pass by' about the time he gets in- about 5.30?"

"Yeah, about then. Thanks."

There was a pause.

"He's my son, too." Natsuko reminded quietly.

"I know."

"Perhaps we should both talk to him together?" Natsuko suggested.

"Well, seeing as the last time we talked to him together he was eight years old and we told him we were divorcing, it might intimidate him just a little."

Natsuko sighed at Masaharu's reply. She hadn't realised that they had, between them, alienated their first born so much.

"True."

"Tomorrow will be a good day." Masaharu took a deep breath and sighed it out. Natsuko looked confused.

"What? Why?"

"Positive thinking MD's." Masaharu replied, sounding slightly embarassed.

* * *

Masaharu sat silently in the dining area. It was late, and more than time to go to bed. He was finishing an habitual cup of coffee. The only light on was the one in the kitchen, over the cooker. He sighed into his almost empty mug, and through the quiet heard the click of a door opening. He saw his son's silhouette in his bedroom doorway. Matt flicked his eyes up from the floor for a minute to look at his father, and then lowered them again, and wandered out to the kitchen.

Masaharu turned his chair around and watched his son as he turned on the tap to get himself a clear, cool glass of water. Matt didn't seem very aware of his father's gaze as he ran the water continually, looking into it like tea leaves that could tell a story. He bit his lip and tucked a few errant strands of hair behind his ear.

"It'll still be water after you've run it for ten minutes." Masaharu broke the silence gently. Matt looked up at his father and rubbed his face, but didn't speak.

"I know something's wrong." Matt's dad stated. Matt left the water running and put the glass down on the draining board. He still didn't speak.

"I know I'm…I'm not a good listener. I _know _I'm not. But I _am _your dad… And I _am _here for you. If you want me."

Matt picked up the glass again. He scratched his fingernails across it's pretty red and white markings nervously.

"If I was a good listener, maybe your mother and I would still be together." Masaharu chuckled humourlessly.

"Say something to me. Tell me why you're not happy. Tell me you're not ill." Matt couldn't match eyes with his father, but shook his head, still gazing and picking at the markings on the glass.

"So you're not ill."

Matt shook his head again.

"So what is it?"

No response.

"Matt?"

Matt turned back to the tap and slid the glass into the water, letting it fill up. The gushing sound of the water in the glass got higher and higher until Matt took it out from underneath the tap. He turned the tap off firmly. Trickles of water slid around his fingers as he moved away from the sink. He turned to his father.

And the glass slipped out of his hand.

And headed towards certain doom at the hands of the cold, hard kitchen floor.

And splintered into pieces as it made contact with the tiles, turning over and over itself and throwing water everywhere.

And Matt covered his face.

And screamed.

Twice.

And burst into sobs- horrible, frightened sobs, not even sobbing but screaming.

Within a second of the first scream Masaharu was on his feet, entirely taken over by sheer, all-powerful paternal instinct- the need to protect programmed deep for generations and generations. He stormed through to the kitchen, walking over the glass as though it were nothing in his slippers to his barefoot son. He put his strong hands around Matt's waist and lifted him bodily out, seemingly effortlessly, over the glass cornering him in the kitchen whilst Matt sobbed.

Matt was totally helpless with his tears. As Masaharu tried to put him back on his feet on the carpeted living room floor he just fell, like a rag doll to the ground and sobbed at his father's feet. Masaharu immediately picked up his son from the floor and walked through to his bedroom, sitting him on the bed and walking quickly over to turn on the light.

"Matt… Baby… Tell me what's wrong… Please, _please_ tell me…" he begged, kneeling in front of his son, who was shaking like leaves on a branch come late Autumn.

"I know it's not the glass, I don't _care_ about the glass, I can go out tomorrow and buy twenty more. And I don't care about the mess, I don't care about the water- all I care about right now is _you_." He took his child's shaking hands and held them firmly in his own.

Matt continued to sob, even when his dad sat right next to him and pulled him towards himself, wrapping his arms around his frail, frightened body. Matt eventually wrapped his arms back around his dad and cried into his chest.

"Oh, Matt…My poor baby…" Masaharu whispered, closing his eyes and pushing his face into Matt's hair.

"I don't know what's hurt you, but you're safe now… You're safe now…"

"Da…daddy…" Matt sobbed.

"What? What, baby?" Masaharu replied gently, holding his son tighter.

"I w-w-wanna tell you…b't I can't…"

"Yes you can, Matt. Just tell me, I might just surprise us both. Let me help you."

"I c-" Matt began, but was silenced by his father, who took his face in his hands carefully.

"Matt, I've only ever done two things right in my life. One was you, and the other was TK. I know I've failed you a lot, but I did those two good things and I want to make sure that my right things stay right, that my two beautiful 'right things' stay happy. And you're not happy. For God's sake Matt, let me help you…Please…"

Matt was devoid of words. He didn't ask for help, nor did he offer the words his father begged for. He couldn't tell his father what was wrong, for he didn't know anymore. It had built up and built up inside him- despite his pushing it away- so that he knew he was hurting, but didn't know from what.

"Matt… For God's sakes, tell somebody what's hurting you. I don't care who, so long as you tell _somebody…_ Tell TK or Tai or Momma, but tell somebody…Find somebody you can talk to…"

Some time later, Matt was finally silent and lucid. He lay on the bed, his father cradling his head. He was at peace in the protective company of his dad and although tears were still wet on his eyelashes, he wasn't crying anymore. Masaharu was running his hand over Matt's hair gently, making very quiet comforting noises from time to time.

"Go to sleep, son. I'm right next door if you need me."

Matt nodded, suddenly cold at the thought of his father leaving. He reached out and tugged at his father's shirt as Masaharu covered his pained son with the fleece blanket he was accustomed to.

"What?" Masaharu smiled softly, as Matt looked up at him with his suddenly huge blue eyes. Matt held both arms up in the air from his position in the bed- a request to be hugged. It was a request Masaharu couldn't have ignored even if he'd wanted to.

Masaharu went to his own room, after having quickly cleaned up the glass and water. He stood, back against the wall and put his hand over the still damp tears of his son on his shirt. He sighed, closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall.

* * *

"Matt?" Masaharu checked his son's room the minute he got out of bed. He sighed helplessly, finding the bed stripped and his son gone and on his way to school.

"Did you ever do that assignment?" Tai asked, pinching Matt's arm lightly to get his attention. He'd learned that unless he actually physically went all out to get Matt's attention, he wouldn't get it at all. Matt turned to him with a confused expression on his face.

"You know… For the lesson we have in ten minutes? That funny thing called Science?" Tai responded. Matt froze and shook his head.

"Wanna copy mine?"

"No. S'not fair on you. You'll get into trouble, too."

"Hey, I copy yours all the time, don't I?"

"Mm."

"You're really not okay, are you?" Tai put his fingers to his forehead, frowning in frustration. Various trys at talking to Matt and getting him to talk back had failed all week, and it was starting to get on Tai's nerves. He knew as well as anyone that Matt wasn't right, that his eyes were empty and his voice was hoarse.

"M'fine."

"Sure. That's what they all say before they self-destruct…" Matt snapped around.

"How'd you know about that!?" Tai was taken aback by the sudden vigor of his response. Plus the fact that he had no idea what Matt was talking about.

"Know about what?"

Matt blinked.

Tai blinked.

Matt turned away.

"Nothing."

_Even TK doesn't know about that…_

_And Dad wouldn't if only I'd been able to keep my stupid emotions in check…_

_I'm so stupid…_

_Stupid, stupid Matt…_

* * *

The bell rang to mark the end of school. All of the pupils in the classroom looked anxiously at the teacher, waiting for their cue to go. She nodded and they all stood up, chattering amongst themselves and more than happy to be on their way home once again.

"Ishida Yamato, I want you to stay behind." The scicence teacher said sharply over the hubbub. Matt froze and gave Tai a desperate look.

"Please wait for me, Tai, please don't go home without me." Matt begged, looking into his friends eyes, frantic and pleading.

"But Matt, I-"

"Please, Tai, please, _please_, please wait for me, don't make me stay here behind in school on my own, please wait for me…" Matt's voice rose in it's fervour, and he grabbed Tai's arm. Tai looked at him, worry contorting his features.

"Sure, sure, I'll stay. Sheesh…"

"_Please…_" Matt hissed once more, as the classroom emptied.

"Okay, okay. It's okay." Tai repeated, his voice soft against Matt's undeniable and unyielding fear.

"You can leave, Tai." Ms Kansatsu suggested politely.

"Can I wait for Matt please, Ms Kansatsu?"

"You can wait outside."

"I'll be by the door." Tai said reassuringly to Matt and he nodded gratefully.

"No, Tai- I don't want you making a mess of the corridor outside my room like you normally do when you're waiting there. You can wait for Matt _outside_- at the front of the building."

"But-" Matt began, cursing and counter-cursing the begging in his voice.

"No buts Matt. Tai, go wait outside for your friend."

"I'll be there." Tai said meaningfully to Matt, and Matt nodded. He could feel himself shaking again.

When Tai had gone, Ms Kansatsu sat Matt down at a table.

"First of all Matt, I want you to know this is totally informal. Nothing I say or you say will be passed on. Okay?"

Matt nodded nervously.

"Why didn't you complete the assignment I set for you last week?" Matt swallowed before trying to answer.

"I've…It's…"

"Was it too hard?"

"N-no…it _seemed_ fine, I just…"

They paused, and Ms Kansatsu waited before commenting softly.

"It's not like you to not turn in your assignments on time.

"And you haven't concentrated on a _single_ thing in my lesson today!

"I've heard as much from your other teachers."

Matt looked up, and then back down at the table.

"Yes, teachers _do _talk.

"And, believe it or not, some of us _do _worry about our students.

"Is it problems at home?"  
Matt shook his head.

"Is it your dad?" Matt scoffed- a definite answer in the negative and replied with a firm,

"_No_."

"Is it problems at school?"

Absolute silence.

"Is it something I can help you with?"

Matt shook his head, and his eyes tracked around the room as he tried to control the tears again.

"Tai's a good friend of yours, isn't he?" the teacher asked him gently, putting an hand on his wrist. Matt nodded.

"You have homework tonight, Matt. Go and talk to Tai. Tell him what's bugging you, so I can have you concentrating in my next lesson. That's the homework I set for you.

"Go on. Go."

"And I want that assignment done for tomorrow morning."

She stood and indicated for Matt to leave. Gratefully, he stood, grabbing his bag and paused to bow as he reached the door. Quickly, he disappeared through it.

He wanted to grow wings. He wanted to be far away from the school when there were no other pupils. He wanted to be wherever Tai was, because there was safety in numbers. He wanted to get to the staircase without interruption, he wanted to run down the stairs, he wanted to go home and go to bed and tell Dad how much he was hurting… He wanted to-

He froze.

For as he turned the corner towards the staircase, there he was- the originator of all his pain, the attacker who had taken not only his body, but his soul as well. There, in front of him, was Mr Gokansha.

Fear and panic and absolute all-encompassing terror all tussled for control over his body all at once.

"Muhn…" Matt cried weakly, looking for an exit. Mr Gokansha gave him that predatory grin again.

"Ishida Yamato. How pleasant."

None of his immediate reactions to this man did him any good, as Matt found himself frozen with terror to the floor, his breathing almost ceasing completely.

_I could scream…_

Matt found comfort in this thought until he had another one.

_I can't scream… I can't find my voice…I don't know where my voice is…_

As he came close to Matt's frozen body, Mr Gokansha leaned in to him so that Matt could feel his breath on his neck. He touched the back of Matt's neck with his index and middle fingers.

"I've missed your smell in my changing rooms.

"You have a very special smell, Ishida Yamato."

"Huhn…" was all Matt could manage by way of a scream. He was shaking uncontrollably.

"Yes. You do. I shall look forward to seeing you again tomorrow, Ishida Yamato."

With this, he ran his hand across Matt's shoulder and dug his fingers in- where he knew there to be bruises. He'd put them there himself.

Matt thought he would be sick as pain rushed through him, physical and mental.

"I will see you tomorrow afternoon, Ishida Yamato. Tomorrow afternoon, after school."

Matt shivered in repulsion as he listened to Mr Gokansha walk away around the corner he himself had just come around.

Then he found his feet- and ran.

Ran towards the stairs, flung open the door and tore down the staircase, slipping on the fourth step from the bottom and sliding down the last three on his backside. By this time he was sobbing in terror. A receptionist stood to check that he was okay as he fell into the reception area, but if Matt saw her at all, he didn't acknowledge her. He just ran, in pieces, towards the main door and out of it, tearing away from the school that had suddenly become a place of such terror for him.

Tai heard his friend before he saw him- but he'd have never guessed it was Matt before he came into view. He'd been reclining back against the wall which circled the school, wating for his friend to emerge and all ready with a barrage of questions to throw in his direction. He was as concerned as everybody else, if not more concerned than some.

He was examining what was left of his apple core when Matt came rushing past, not even stopping to acknowledge Tai- and perhaps not seeing him at all. He was sobbing so hard he could hardly breathe between the heavings of his chest.

"Matt!?" Tai called, flinging away the apple core and yanking up his backpack from where he had left it on the floor. He raced after his friend, but Matt didn't respond.

The truth was, he _didn't_ see Tai. He didn't hear him, he couldn't sense him, he didn't notice him at all. He just wanted to get _away_, he absolutely _had _to be somewhere else. He couldn't be sure that Mr Gokansha wasn't following him, that he wouldn't get home to find him sitting on his bed when his father wasn't home to protect him.

"_Matt_!!" called Tai loudly from behind his friend. Holding his backpack on with one hand, he jogged behind Matt until he stumbled, and he finally got a chance to catch up with him. Tai grabbed Matt's arm and turned him around quickly. Matt cried out and tried to push Tai off and keep walking, but his friend would not be deterred.

"Matt, what's the _matter _with you!?"

"Go _away_!" Matt sobbed, covering his face with his arm and still trying to push Tai off him, but his struggles were weaker now. Very soon, he stopped struggling and just hid his face, shaking with pent up fear and pain. Tai noticed that Matt had his school blazer, but not his backpack.

"Matt… Matt, where's your bag?"

"I don't kn-"

"Where's your _bag_?"

"I don't _know_!!" Matt screamed and collapsed on the floor with a thud. Tai crouched down to him, worried out of his mind. All his alarm bells were ringing-even the ones that had been dormant for a long, long time. He wanted to touch Matt and tell him it was all right, but he didn't really know if it was or not. By this terrifying display of pain, Tai guessed that it wasn't.

He stood and started to run back to school.

"I'm gonna go find it, okay? I'll be back, I'm gonna go get your bag."

"I don'- Tai!" Matt cried, but Tai was already gone, racing back to school to search for the missing satchel.

He had dropped it in the corridor and hadn't even realised. The experience with Mr Gokansha had been too blindingly terrifying for him to have even noticed. Tai picked it up, his face creased with fretting, and held it to himself. As he turned, he found Matt standing behind him, shaking so much he couldn't keep his jaw still. His head was low.

"Matt?" Tai asked, walking forwards to him slowly and carefully, as though he were a wounded animal. Matt, through his lowered eyes, looked up at Tai. His eyes frightened even the holder of Courage. They were blank and Matt was more disturbed than Tai had ever seen him.

"Matt… Tell me what's wrong. I think that… I think that you need to talk, and to be honest, I'm scared. I don't know what to make of you, I don't wanna let you out of my sight."

Matt blinked and looked away, stumbling over to the wall and sliding down it, hiding his face in the corner just before the staircase.

Tai followed him closely, putting his and Matt's bags on the floor. Matt wanted to tell Tai, he wanted somebody to know his pain, he didn't want to be left alone with it anymore.

_I've been raped._

"Matt?"

_I've been raped._

"Matt, please tell me what's wrong. Or I'll have to get the big guns out and tell TK." Tai smiled gently.

_I've been raped, Tai._

"Matt?" Tai's voice broke slightly, and there were tears in his eyes.

_I've been raped, Tai. Please help me._

"Iuhuc…" Was all Matt could manage of the words he repeated in his head.

"What?"

_I've been raped, Tai. Please help me. I'm so ashamed._

Matt opened his mouth to try again.

"I've…"

"_What_?"

"I've been…"  
"What's happened?"

_I've been raped, Tai. Please help me. I'm so ashamed. All I want to do is…die._

The realisation hit Matt like a speeding train.

"What, Matt?"

They paused, Matt never looking at Tai, always looking into the corner of the wall.

"Nothing." He croaked.

"Do I have to smack you!?" Tai yelled, grabbing Matt's jacket with both hands. When he realised that this made no effect at all, he hugged him. And sadly that had no effect, either.

* * *

Masaharu's eyes crossed as he looked in horror at the mess on his desk.

"I can't do this _now_! I have to be somewhere other than here!" His secretary looked apologetic, but there was no remorse in her voice as she spoke.

"We tried to do it all sir, but be found we couldn't. The time restraints on this show are so much that-"

"Okay, okay. God- okay."

_I need to go home._

"Positive estimate on when this will all get done?"

_I hate paperwork._

"Probably about eight o'clock tonight." The secretary replied.

"No! It can't take me that long!" Masaharu growled. "Somebody _else_ is going to have to do it."

"Sir, I-"

"You don't understand, I _have _to go home early. And I don't really care if this show airs or not, haven't we got something we can air in it's place?"  
"Sure, but Fukusaburu and Gempachi won't be happy."

"I really couldn't care less about them right now." Masaharu rumbled. "What is this one, anyway."

"Stories of the Revolution amongst Ants."

"Oh. You meah the one currently running at a defecit of about ¥185,000?" Masaharu asked. The secretary nodded in pain.

"Yup. But it _is _their baby."

_Actually, it's _my _baby I'm worried about right now._

_I hope Natsuko keeps her promise._

* * *

Natsuko put her head on the steering wheel.

"Gnnnnrr!"

The rush hour traffic was _abysmal_. Even for Tokyo, this _had _to be a record. Never had Natsuko known this much traffic; there must have been an accident further up the road, blocking it totally.

By the time she got through all this traffic, would there be any point in 'dropping by'? She picked up her phone to call Masaharu, only to find his phone switched off.

"Masaharu, why on earth have a phone if it's never switched on?"

* * *

"Matt? Can I come in?" Tai asked, on Matt's doorstep. Normally he would have split off from his friend by now, but couldn't bear to, couldn't bring himself to make the break. He was too worried.

Matt looked at his feet for a while and then opened the door fully. He'd been about to shut it, without saying a word to Tai. Normally, Tai would have pulled him up on it straight away, but he let it go- hoping to catch some bigger demons.

Tai walked in, tugging his shoes off with his feet. He didn't take his eyes off his friend, who wandered in and threw his blazer over a chair. Then he sat in the chair and cradled his head.

Tai walked silently up to the table and sat down beside him.

Then he rested his head on the table and looked up at Matt.

Two tiny spots of water fell to the table under Matt's hands.

"I'm here, if you want me." Tai spoke, his voice soft and cool in the encroaching Autumn darkness.

"That's what Dad said." Matt whispered.

"Somestimes I know you want to tell me- but then I'm not sure. I don't even have a clue what you want to tell.

"Does TK know?" Tai asked.  
"Know what?"

"What's the matter with you."

"No, and I hope he never does. I'm t-too…" Matt was silent again.

"Too what?" Tai pressed. Matt didn't reply, but suddenly leapt out of the chair and ran to the bathroom. Tai heard the sound of the shower being turned on. He rolled his eys and growled in frustration.

"He's so hard to help.

"And what's with the shower?"

Eventually, when it became clear that Matt wasn't going to leave the bathroom for some time, Tai left. He dug around in Matt's kitchen drawer for a pad of post-it notes and left a note in his untity scrawl on the table:

'Gone Fishin'- catch ya later, Tai.'

And he had indeed 'gone fishin''- fishing for clues about his friend's sadness from TK.

* * *

Matt scrubbed at his neck with a nailbrush, until he felt sure he should be able to feel blood running down his throat and dripping onto his chest. His mind was blank, all he could do was scrub and scrub and scrub. Gradually, he worked down to his arms and his chest with the brush, cleaning off all and any traces of where he had been touched by Mr Gokansha today- and even in places where he hadn't. As he continued to scrub, making the skin red and raw, a tiny voice started up in his head- a voice at first he was unwilling to heed at all.

_I need help._

_I need somebody to help me._

_I need TK._

_And Dad._

_And Gabumon._

_And Tai._

_I _need _somebody to _help_ me._

The nailbrush slipped out of his hand into the bottom of the shower. As he reached shakily down into the base of the unit, he brushed his hand past the bruises that scattered his waist- some still dark, some yellowing, but all horrible reminders of the past. They were mostly fairly small, almost…finger-shaped, with the odd huge one thrown in for measure.

He didn't even notice that he could feel every rib as he scrubbed at his chest.

* * *

"Hey, Izzy. What's on today?" Tai called as he approached the computer room, where Izzy sat, as per usual, in front of a computer looking concentrated.

"Hm? Oh, hi Tai. I'm just watching out for the guys."

"TK in there?" Tai asked, pointing to the screen.

"Mm-hmm." Nodded Izzy, as he received an incoming e-mail.

'Done for today. No trouble around that we can see- heading home in a few. TK.'

"That answer your question?" Izzy grinned to Tai via the screen. Tai smirked and nodded.

"Reply back and tell TK Tai's here and wants to talk to him in private."

"About what?" Izzy asked, curiously.

"Well, if I told you that, it wouldn't be private, would it?" Tai grinned teasingly. Izzy scowled and then nodded grudgingly.

He tapped at the keyboard for a matter of seconds and pressed Return. They waited a minute or so before they received another note in return:

'About what? -'

Izzy was about to respond when Tai clapped a hand over his to get it away from the keyboard.

"Don't answer that one- it'll make him come out quicker." Tai grinned.

Indeed, within a few moments, they all sat in a pile on the floor.

"I'd like to say coming back this way gets easier, but it doesn't!" yelled Yolei. Davis scowled and pushed her off himself, gradually climbing to his feet.

"Hey, Tai! TK said you would be here."

"I thought you were meeting up with Matt after school? You two didn't have a fight, did you?" Kari asked, dusting herself down.

Tai looked up from his current position on the floor- he'd been too close to the screen to miss the homecoming onslaught.

"Well…I was. And no, we didn't fight- but that I could have handled _that _better. That's what I need to talk to TK about."

TK scowled.

"Me? Why?"

Tai stood and wrapped his arm around TK's shoulder.

"We need to have a serious talk about your brother."

"You're the second person who's said something like that to me in as many days. What's going on?" TK asked, a scowl converting his forehead into a battleground as Tai led him away, closely followed by the rest of the Digidestined, now curious.

"To be honest, I was hoping _you_ could tell _me_."

"Even if Matt _had _told me Tai, you know I couldn't break a confidence like that."

"I know, but at least you'd be able to tell me whether he's all right or not?"

"I- don't know, I haven't seen him since last week." TK replied. Tai stopped and turned around to face his young friend.

"TK, I don't want to scare you, but something is seriously wrong with your brother. He's been really strange all week- so totally weird and off and…_wrong_."

"His behaviour recently _has _been a little eccentric." Izzy confirmed as they walked down the corridor. "Or at least, from as much as I've seen of him."

"TK, come back with me and Kari and I'll tell you more. I think maybe everybody should know, so we're all watching out for him, but…I don't know if he'd think we we're ganging up on him or not. At least, right now anyway."

"Probably." TK shrugged, worriedly. "Sure, I'll go back with you guys. Besides, it's kinda dark now, and I don't want to walk home by myself much."

Tai looked at his watch, and realised how much time had passed since he'd first encountered the height of Matt's strangeness. It was seven o'clock- time for dinner.

"If you wanna brave Mom's cooking, you can stay for tea if you want." Tai offered, pulling a face to discourage him from saying yes. TK tried to pull a return face without being too rude and replied,

"No thanks- I'll just tell Mom I'm gonna be late." He reached out for his backpack and dug out his phone.

"Shoot- the battery's dead." He scowled. Tai handed him his cell phone instead.

"Thanks." TK smiled.

When TK had finished, Tai turned the phone off and as one body, the Digidestined left the school- to go home in their various directions.

* * *

Matt hugged himself silently in a corner of the dark front room.

_I have to go to school tomorrow._

_I'm afraid._

_I don't _want _to go to school tomorrow._

_I don't want to see him again, I don't ever want to see him again._

_I just want to forget about it, and make it go away._

Tears filled his eyes.

_But I can't. It won't go away, it won't become nothing._

_I need somebody to help me. I need to be helped._

_I hurt and I want the hurt to go away._

_But it never will. Will it?_

_It will never go away._

The tears slipped down his face, falling into an abyss of black.

_I will always be dirty, and wrong and sick…_

_And I will never, ever be able to wash myself clean._

Unconsciously, Matt rubbed at his arm with his sleeve to get rid of the imaginary dirt.

_And this will _always _be my fault. I could have screamed- I could have run away when he first shut me in the room, I could have said I didn't see him, and it would all have gone away. If I hadn't said some of the stuff I'd said, If I'd gone with Tai- if I hadn't showered in the first place._

_But…but if I hadn't showered…?_

_If I don't shower tomorrow, maybe he won't touch me._

_But if I don't shower tomorrow, I'll be even dirtier._

_Oh, God, what am I meant to do?_

Matt pushed his head into his arms and wept silent tears of pain, frustration and guilt.

* * *

"So tell me, Tai. What's wrong with my brother?"

"For a first, I think you should go around and see him." Tai responded, taking a chip out of the bag and handing the rest of the bag around the circle of three.

TK took it and his share, pasing the bag onto Kari.

"I will, but I want to know as much as I can first. Dad called me yesterday and said he was worried about Matt. For Dad to do that, he must have real cause for concern- Dad _never _talks, it's where Matt gets it from. Now, I haven't seen Matt since…" TK paused for thought. "Since last Tuesday. He was fine then."

"It's been since the beginning of this week. He was fine on Friday, too."

"So what's been going on?" Kari asked, handing the bag of chips back to Tai.

"He's been all 'aarrrghh!!' and 'nnnghh!' and 'grrrr!' and he's getting on my nerves!" Tai explained, punctiating his words with actions to match. His company both noticed the worry in his scowl.

"He was kept behind at school for not doing an assignment. He was all panicky and begged me to wait for him, which I did- but the teacher made me wait outside school for him. When he came out he was crying and…and frightened, I guess. He wouldn't let me help him, he wouldn't speak to me. He was all upset and it was so bad he left his backpack in school.

"I went to get it for him. I turn around and he's behind me- then he goes and falls over by the wall. I wanted him to tell me what was wrong, but he could only get as far as 'I've been…' and then he stopped and when I asked what was wrong again, he said 'nothing'. 'I've been' what? I don't know, to Mars, to the fair, hurt, mugged…? I just…" Tai sighed. "He certainly won't speak to me, TK. If you haven't spoken to him, I think you should."

All this time TK had been listening with a worried frown on his face.

"That's not like Matt at all. To make a display of his pain like that? He _hates_ other people seeing him when he's weak." Tai sighed in response before he spoke again.

"Something's wrong. More than that, I think something's _happened_. He's just so… on edge. All the time."

* * *

_TK, it's me. Please help me. I need your help. I know you're going to hate me, but, please… Please don't think I'm dirty, I didn't want it…_

Matt picked up the phone and rehearsed what he wanted to say in his head. He dialled TK's cell number and moved back, praying to hear his brother's voice, although he knew what he wanted to say would be screwed on the way from his brain to his mouth.

He head the phone pick up, and a long pause.

"TK's it's m-"

"Hi, this is TK's phone. Um…I'm not able to answer right now, as you can tell, but I'll be around soon so if you want to leave a mess-"

Matt hung up.

_Why aren't you there? You…you promised you would be there for me…_

Matt tried again, picking up the phone and dialling his dad's cell number.

_Dad… Daddy, please come home, I'm frightened and I need you, I'm scared and I'm hurting and I'm alone in the dark and I know that any minute I'll hear the door slam and it won't be you…_

Matt felt tears of panic prick his eyes as his thoughts ran on without him.

Again, the phone picked up, but this time he waited.

"Ishida, message or text."

As expected, his father's answerphone message was short and not at all sweet. Again, Matt put down the phone and tried one more number.

Tai's.

"Hi, this is Tai, leave a message."

_Why isn't anybody there when I need them! Why!? They all said they would be and they're not and I need them _now… Matt wept as he turned away from the phone. He didn't even want to try his mother; he wasn't sure how well she would take it. She might cry, or get upset, or get that 'I want to cry, but I'm going to be strong for my son' voice on that he _hated_…

_I can't go to school tomorrow, I can't! I want to stay here and hide and I can't! I don't want him to touch me, not now and not ever! I don't want to hurt like this, I don't want this to ever happen to me again, and I'm so scared! I'm so scared!! Even _dying _can't be anything compared to this!!…_

* * *

Masaharu sighed angrily and tried not to slam the front door behind him. He walked into the apartment, tearing off his shoes and looking at his glo-watch in the darkness.

"I can't believe it- eight-thirty… And this was supposed to be an _early _night." he growled, not even bothering to switch the lights on and banish the dark.

He paused before opening the door to his son's room. He took a deep breath as he decided to enter and get his son up and out of bed- whether he was asleep or not. They needed to talk.

The light spilled in through the window from the street. Masaharu looked to the bed and saw his son's profile. He was in pyjamas, but Masaharu thought it strange that he was laying on top of the covers. He stepped a little closer, noticing some dark patching on the bedcovers around his son.

Thick, dark patching, reflecting the outside light like oil.

_No, it can't be. _Masaharu thought as he gazed at it. _I must be imagining this. There's not much that reflects the light like that, only…_

He watched as the oily light seemed to continue to spread.

_Blood…_

"Oh my God…oh God, please…no…!"

* * *

TK stood and stretched.

"Okay, I'm gonna go see him. I should have known something was wrong ages ago- when he didn't answer the home phone _or_ his phone on Sunday." Tai nodded.

"You want me to see if Mom'll give you a ride down?"

"If you think she wouldn't mind, that'd be great."

"Nah, I shouldn't think so."

In the distance of the main room, they heard the phone ring.

"I'm just worried that…if nobody else can get through to him, well… Can _I_?" TK fretted. Tai smacked him on the back.

"I can't think of anybody else he _would _listen or talk to."

There was a knock at the door. Suddenly, Tai's mom's head appeared around it.

"TK? Your mom's on the phone for you." Nobody noticed it except Kari, but her mother's face was slightly creased into a concerned frown. TK nodded and bowed slightly.

"Thanks, Mrs Kamiya."

He walked out to the main room, followed by Kari and her brother. Picking up the extension, he began with,

"Hi Mom."

"TK? It's Mom…"

TK instantly recognised the upset in her voice.

"Mom? What's wrong?"  
"I'm coming to pick you up from Tai's. We have to go see your brother."

TK frowned in confusion and looked up at Tai, who was watching TK's end of the conversation carefully.

"What… Now? I was just going over to see him. I-"

"No, baby. He's in the hospital."

Panic gripped TK totally.

"Why?"

Tai noticed the change in TK immediately, and his brow furrowed.

"He's not very well."

"I guessed that, but what's wrong?"

"TK, I-"

"Momma, tell me."

TK couldn't see anything now but the base unit for the phone, couldn't hear anything but his mother's pause.

"He tried to kill himself."

"What!?" TK felt his knees go weak, and both Tai and Kari noticed the look of horror and pain that crossed his face. "What did he do _that _for!?" He heard his mother's voice shake as she replied,

"I don't know. Your dad's with him now, but he needs all of us. And all of us need him."

"Right." TK affirmed, trying to steady his own voice.

"I'll be there in about ten, TK. Stay there, okay?"

"I will."

"TK?" asked Kari delicately as TK put the phone down. TK was visibly shaking and wiped his face with his hands before letting them come to rest over his mouth.

"Matt just tried to kill himself." TK said, before anybody could actually ask him what was wrong. Tai took a deep, cleansing breath and Kari looked as though she would cry.

"Please don't," begged TK, "you'll make _me_ cry."

"How is he?" asked Tai. "I mean…is he…? You said 'tried'…"

"I don't know. Mom said 'tried' too." TK was still shaking. Tai grabbed TK by the shoulders and asked,

"Are you okay?"

TK laughed and shook his head, tears in his eyes.

"No, my brother just tried to kill himself, of course I'm not okay." Tai grabbed his cell phone and switched it on.

"Is your mom coming, or do you need a ride?" Tai asked before gazing into the display of his phone.

Only to be told he'd missed a call.

"Mom's coming."

"He called me."

There was frozen silence.

"Oh…_what_?" TK moaned, closing his eyes for a second.

"Why did I turn it off, I never turn it off…" Tai cursed himself.

"Your phone is the same model as mine, right?" TK asked, suddenly running back into Tai and Kari's room, diving to his knees and rooting in his bag for his own cell phone. Tai followed and nodded.

"Can I borrow your battery for a second?" TK sniffed. Tai paused, and then handed it over, sliding the back off the phone and picking it out. TK took it and slammed it home into his own phone, and turned it on.

'Nokia' the phone kindly informed him.

'1 missed call'

TK's heart sank and he swallowed as he pressed 'select' to find out who's number it was, although he knew there was really no need.

He knew already.

He lowered his head.

"Me too.

"He tried to call me and talk to me, but I wasn't there for him.

"I wasn't there."

The tears which had been loosely under TK's control finally won their battle.

"I wasn't there! None of us were _there_! All the people he trusts and loves and none of us were there when he really _needed_ us!"

* * *

_End of Chapter One. Thank you very much for reading :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Red and White**_

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together._

_**Chapter Two**_

On the edge of his hearing, there was a small, low beeping sound. Wherever he was, it smelt sterile and yet at the same time warm- like it had been full of bodies not long ago. He felt drained and weak, his breath coming in little gulps. He was pretty thirsty, too. He kept his eyes closed- his head was still swimming somewhere between oblivion and the real world. He moved his arms slightly to get them more comfortable- then remembered why his fingers were numb.

_I failed._

_I couldn't even do _that_ right…_

Matt slowly blinked open his tired eyes. The light in the room was subdued, but still very unnatural. He recognised slowly the room of a hospital, with a window that displayed the lights of Tokyo because the blinds weren't shut.

Gradually, the figure of his father also came into focus. He sat facing the wall, right beside the bed of his son. His head rested on both his fists. He afforded a glance at his child, which Matt noticed despite his sorry state. His eyes flicked down to his wrists, which were coated in bandages. He didn't need to know what they looked like underneath; he remembered the scarlet red lines he had drawn permanently into his pale arms.

He watched Dad's face as he closed his eyes and sighed out a very long sigh. It was an unstable sigh, constantly shaking. Matt tried not to notice his father flicking tears from his face.

_Dad's crying._

_My dad doesn't cry. _Matt thought to himself, surprise and guilt laying a trail over his heart. He shifted weakly in the bed and tried his voice.

"I'm sorry."

Masaharu turned his face to his son. He didn't speak. He just looked.

Matt began to feel uncomfortable.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow. When you're more stable."

"Please don't be mad." Matt asked, knowing it was a stupid thing to ask for even though the haze.

"Your brother and your mom were here. Crying. And according to your mom, this is all _my _fault." Masaharu threw his hands into the air and they slapped back down to his legs.

Matt watched his father as he sat motionless again. He could feel himself being dragged under into sleep again, but before it could get him, he forced his arms into the air.

Begging to be held and wanting to hold.

And Masaharu obliged, leaping out of the chair and holding his son tightly to himself. He wept silently, trying not to notice the smell of sterility in his son's hair.

* * *

Matt sensed a shadow in front of his eyes as the darkness rolled away like a blind behind them. Bearing in heavy mind that today would be the day when all the questions would start, he opened his eyes. Laid out in front of them was a blue shirt, with the words 'I can see the monkeys' written on it. He flicked his eyes up to the face of the owner- he knew the shirt well.

TK didn't speak- just smiled. He was laying on the bed next to his brother. From what Matt had heard, he'd been speaking with somebody- but he didn't trust his memory well enough just now to know for sure.

When TK did speak, it was softly, and perhaps with a little nervousness.

"I'm glad you're here."

Matt wanted to respond, but found he couldn't.

"Dad's just gone home to get changed. He'll be back soon. He's bringing some of your stuff, too."

Matt turned his head around a little on the pillow so that he was facing into the shirt again- but this time he was a little closer to TK.

"I wish… I wish that you weren't sad." TK offered. Matt smiled weakly.

"How are you feeling?" TK asked tactfully. Matt shrugged.

"That good, huh?" TK smiled weakly. Matt smiled.

"I brought a friend?" TK grinned, indicating at somebody. Matt felt curiousness get the better of him and turned around at the rustling of the bedcovers. His face crept into a smile at the sight of his friend.

"Hello Matt." Tsunomon said gently.

"Hey." Matt croaked.

"Oh, that's nice- he'll speak to you but not me." TK joked, prodding at his brother's back as he moved around. Matt turned back, gave TK a slightly wounded expression- and hugged him.

Tears in his eyes and a huge lump in his throat, TK forced,

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, oniichan. I'm sorry I failed you. I should have been there, I should have-" Matt silenced him with a slight smile and a finger on his lips.

"Please don't ever go away, because I _need_ you. You _scared_ me." TK begged. Matt put his head in TK's lap.

"Me too!" exclaimed Tsunomon. "When TK told me what had happened, I forced him to bring me back with him. Not that he fought very much, of course." Matt blinked slowly. He heard TK sigh a little behind him.

"I want to ask you why you did it… But I know you won't tell me. Or at least, not just yet."

Matt was still groggy, but felt comfort in the prescence of his brother and friend.

_They know I'm hurting._

_Now they know I'm hurting._

"I'm gonna go get something to drink. I'll be back soon." TK spoke softly, gently getting off the bed and leaving the room. The door shut quietly behind him.

Matt looked at Tsunomon again and pulled the covers higher around himself- only taking this moment to realise he had a drip in his arm. Tsunomon bared his teeth at it, and his hackles raised. Before Matt could get his weak throat to work, Tsunomon had digivolved and Gabumon was preparing to tear it out of his arm. Matt reached out to stop Gabumon gently, by putting his hand over his muzzle. Gabumon faltered and stopped as he smelled the medicinal scent of the bandages.

"Who's legs to I have to break, Matt?" Gabumon asked quietly, as Matt moved his hand. Gabumon got back up to the bed, where he had leapt from whilst digvolving. Matt didn't answer at first.

"You're so quiet and hurt. You have your darkness back, Matt. Your heart is full of darkness. Tell somebody what's wrong, and give some of it away."

Matt swallowed.

"I don't… I _can't_…"

"We're here for you."

Tears sprung to Matt's eyes.

"Why is it you always know exactly what to say to make me cry?" Matt asked tearfully. Gabumon shrugged.

"Digimon instinct?"

Matt reached out suddenly to his digimon and hugged him. Tears also sprang to Gabumon's eyes.

"I hate to see you like this. Come to that, I've _never _seen you like this. TK came to me for help, crying that you'd done something terrible to yourself. I've never seen _him_ like that, either. And he's never asked for my help with you before.

"He's _frightened_. And so am I."

_I wonder…I wonder if it's safe to tell him? I wonder if…?_

"Gabumon?" Matt sniffed, letting the Digimon go. Gabumon nodded.

"Yes, Matt?"

"Do… do you…?" Matt paused, trying to find an outlet for the words that spun within him, trying to stop his heart from pounding and trying to kill the feeling that this was all inevitably about to spiral out of his control.

_As if it hasn't already…_

"Gabumon… Do you know what 'rape' is?" Matt forced, his voice as quiet as death's breeze over the battlefield.

Gabumon's normally lightly confused features creased into even more confusion.

"No, I can't say as I do. What is it?"

"It's this… _thing_, it's… It's like… Having… Having every personal thing about you be made somebody elses in a really horrible way. Like having… your body and your mind made dirty with…stuff that's somebody elses.

"Kinda…"

"Sounds horrible." Gabumon squeezed his eyes shut in emphasis. Tears filled Matt's eyes and dropped onto the pillow.

"It is."

"Is that what happened to you?"

Matt nodded.

"Why haven't you told anybody? I mean, surely somebody can take the stuff back out…?" Gabumon offered, worry covering his features. Matt sighed.

"No. You can't get it out. And it doesn't go away. It's like…being poisoned…"

"But there are antidotes for poison."

"Not all of them." Matt sighed and buried his head under the covers. He felt Gabumon pull them back.

"I know I'm stupid Matt, and I don't understand this human thing… But surely your friends will?"

"You're not stupid. And no, they won't."

"What does it mean to be raped? Exactly?" Gabumon asked. Matt sighed and turned onto his back with a little difficulty. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the jug of water on top of the cupboard by his bed.

"TK didn't go to get a drink, did he?"

Gabumon seemed to jump back.

"What do you mean, Matt?"

"There's water here. He didn't go to get a drink, he went so you could talk to me about what happened, and then you could tell him. Right?" Gabumon could hear the annoyance in his voice.

"You were plotting against me."

"We weren't plotting against you Matt, we're trying to help you-"

"Promise me you wont tell him."

"Matt, I-"

"Promise!"

"All right. I promise. But if it turns out that the promise hurts you more, then I'll be proud to break it." Gabumon's proud but weak voice brought tears to Matt's eyes.

* * *

On Monday morning, TK was desperately trying to concentrate on his lesson, but his thoughts were divided between the Digital World and his disturbed brother. The weekend had given them no extra information, Matt had been as tight-lipped as ever. Masaharu had stayed with him every night so far. Matt had even been given a counseling session- that they'd asked Masaharu to leave. Neither him nor Matt had been best pleased.

"And what is pi again, children?"

"Three point one four." The class intoned, but without TK's voice. Kari turned to him in concern. He was sitting slouched over the desk, poking his pencil viciously into his workbook.

"Takaishi Takeru, what are you doing?" TK was intantly called out of his fit of mutilation and gazed up at his math teacher- who was gazing down, looking nonplussed.

"Um…"

"Shouldn't take that long to answer. It's not your work, that's for sure."

"Sorry, sensei."

"Concentrate please, Master Takaishi."

TK nodded. As the teacher turned away, Kari whispered,

"TK, are you okay?" TK just shrugged in response.

"Heard about your brother, TK." Muttered Fumihiko, the boy who sat on his left side. "Flipped out a bit, didn't he? Madness run in the family, does it?

"I hear they're puttin' him in the funny farm. That true?"

TK looked around slowly at Fumihiko. Kari and Davis caught this slow movement, and the look of dark on TK's face- and Davis was half way out of his seat before TK leapt out of his, flying straight at Fumihiko. Fumihiko didn't even get a chance to stand before he was on the floor, totally underneath TK's angry gaze and frame. TK had him trapped to the floor, one knee in his crotch, the other in his stomach. Suddenly, he was cool, calm and controlled. He had his thumb and forefinger tightly pushed into Fumihiko's throat.

"Takeru! What in God's name are you doing!?" yelled the math teacher, strolling over to separate the boys.

"Do you know what 'regret' is? You _ever _cuss my brother again, and I'll kill you. Understand?" TK's voice was level as he whispered into the frightened and pained Fumihiko's ear. He heard Davis' voice somewhere in the background, loudly trying to persuade him this was a bad idea, and felt his hand on his shoulder, under his arm. This was seconds before the math teacher finally caught up with him, and immediately yanked him up into the air off the other boy. TK struggled against him for a second, then realised it was more trouble than it was worth. After all, he was in enough of that as it was, now.

"Takeru! What's this all about?" yelled the math teacher, standing him back on his feet. Before TK had a chance to reply, Fumihiko spat,

"Like brother, like brother."

TK instantly struck out at him again, palm open- and the sound of skin connecting harshly with skin reverberated around the classroom. Before TK had a chance to hit out again, he was dragged from the room by Davis and Kari.

Breathing heavily, TK leaned back against the wall.

"TK! What did you do that for?" Kari berrated.

"Didn't you hear what he said about Matt?" TK asked, panting slightly. He was still mad, but the enormity of what he had done was just beginning to sink in.

"Sure, but you didn't have to smack the guy!" Davis continued the belittling. TK sighed and smacked his head back against the wall.

"That wasn't like me, was it?"

"No."

"Whoops."

A few moments later, the still mad looking math teacher came out into the hall.

"Would you like to tell me what that was all about, young man? And the principle, too?" TK sighed and resigned himself to his fate, nodding. Kari watched as he was frogmarched to the principle's office.

"The principle knows me by name- but do you think he even knows who TK is?" Davis asked.

"No." Kari replied sadly.

* * *

It was all go in the Ishida household the next day. After spending the past four days in hospital, Matt had been deemed physically fine to go home- but he was going to need a lot of supervision and support. Masaharu was poking around in cupboards to see what they needed to get in the way of supplies on a last-minute basis. He had been attempting to clean Matt's bed on and off- but today gave it up as a bad job. TK was raiding the refridgerator under the premise of 'helping'.

"Dad?"

"Mm?"

"Why aren't there any- Oh…"

"Knives in the kitchen drawer?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Why do you think?"

"Okay. I know now.

"Where are they?"

Masaharu turned to face his son, and saw his concern reflecting in his eyes. He smiled.

"Do me a favour?"

"Yeah?"

"Look for them. If you can't find them, neither can Matt." TK nodded, and had a good browse around the kitchen.

"He's gonna be mad that you hid them." TK said, opening a coupboard door, searching and then closing it behind him again.

"You're icy cold. And I know, but that's just tough."

TK left the kitchen and walked into the front room. He looked in a few of the cardboard boxes in the corner and then behind the TV. He lifted a cushion, grinning gingerly.

"Don't be stupid." Dad chastned wryly. TK grinned.

"You'll freeze to death soon, Teek."

"Well, I don't know where they are. If I were you, where would I…?" TK paused for a moment, then walked straight into Dad's room and looked under the matress- where half of the silverware was currently residing.

"Oh." Masaharu's brow furrowed. TK smiled sadly.

"I don't really think you'll need to hide them anyway, Dad."

"I do, just…not there."

"He wouldn't do it again. Would he?"

Dad shrugged, but TK could tell he wanted to say more.

"Say it."

"What?"

"What you're thinking."

"Well…until we get to the bottom of why he did it in the first place, we're not going to know, son.

"I don't want to scare you, but that's how it is."

TK put down his bowl of instant noodles, suddenly uninterested in them. Dad turned away for a second, and then turned back, suddenly remembering something he had to say.

"And I'm sure Mom can do without you getting letters from the principle sent home right now too, chiisa na." TK screwed up his nose.

"Sorry, dad."

"I know you think you were doing the right thing, but…"

"No, I'm not sure I was _thinking_ at all." TK replied bitterly. Masaharu smiled.

"Me either. And at least you know that.

"Need me to soften Mom up a bit before you take it home?" TK screwed up his nose again and shook his head.

"Nuh-uh. If I tell her what the guy said about Matt, she'll probably want to take him out herself." Masaharu grinned.

"Is that why you didn't tell me?" TK smiled and nodded.

"TK, would you do me another favour?"  
"What's that?"

"Will you hide my silverware, please?"

* * *

Matt looked bewildered as he gazed around the apartment, as though it were somewhere he had never been before. He couldn't believe how strange his outlook on life suddenly was after his attempt to remove himself from it. He rubbed absently at the bandages around his wrists. Dad noticed his blank look- his attention was caught by every movement Matt made or failed to make, and he watched him like the proverbial hawk.

"All right?" Masaharu asked of his son. When Matt heard his father's voice, he turned to him and nodded.

"What's wrong?" Dad wasn't going to take that as an answer.

"S'nothing. S'just that… Everthing seems so strange..." Matt was about to continue, but Masaharu noticed the abrupt stop.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing."

Matt looked across to the corner of the room he'd cried in. It was the same corner- this was the same room, but suddenly the light of day made the rooms where he had spent the past seven years of his life seem different… Like his home was missing something.

Like there was a small part of him that wasn't here anymore.

He couldn't possibly explain that to Dad.

"You'll have to sleep in my bed for the time being, and I'll sleep on the floor." Masaharu stated, emptying the small bagful of belongings out on the table. Matt turned his head slowly.

"Why?"

"Because…Your bed's not fit to be slept in yet."

Masaharu wasn't about to let his son sleep in a bed that had been defiled with blood, not even his _own _blood. He was still waiting for the new mattress to arrive.

Matt screwed up his face and looked away.

"Sorry…"

Masaharu looked across to his son, who stood like a ragged, skinny doll, his face turned away.

"Let's not worry about it now." He turned back to the clothing, setting it into piles to wash.

Matt still stood, until Dad strolled over, took him by the shoulders and sat him in a chair. Matt looked up at his father, a small smile on his face.

"What's all the standing around for?" Masaharu responded to his son's acknowledgement. Matt shrugged and rubbed his wrists.

"Sore?" Masaharu asked. Matt nodded, tugging the bag across to him and digging in it for his written prescription. He gazed at the paper for a few moments, before he realised his Dad was holding his hand out for it. He scowled in incomprehension.

"Please give it to me."

"I can't get it by myself anyway, I'm too young."

"Give it to me."

"It's only…" Matt trailed off as he saw his father wasn't moving on this one. He scowled and handed it over.

"I'm going to my room." Matt stated, getting out of the chair. Masaharu watched him leave and cursed himself as what was on his mind instantly made it's way out of his mouth.

"Don't lock the door."

"I didn't last time." Was Matt's quiet but hurtful retort.

* * *

Matt flung himself down on the bed- then wished he hadn't. He could instantly smell the caked on stench of half-cleaned, bittersweet blood. He leapt up again, and decided on the floor instead. He looked across at the bed. Dad had clearly thrown away the dark bedcovers- probably hadn't been a lot of point in cleaning them by the time he had gotten home the day after Matt had…

He shivered.

_Have I just drawn more attention to myself? Is that all I've done?_

_Is that what I wanted?_

_No, I…I don't think it is…_

_How can I hide my secrets if everybody's trying so hard to yank them out of me?_

_I know they're only trying to help, but the more they pressure me, the more I can't tell them. I have to keep it inside, I can't let it out…_

_What day is it?_

Matt looked at the watch on his bedside table- there because he currently couldn't wear it, and probably wouldn't be able to for a while. It read the date as 'Tues 15'. Slapping it back down, he recounted how many days he had been 'ill' for.

_Tuesday…_

_Is Tuesday a good day? I don't remember…_

* * *

"Matt? Matt, don't sleep on the floor…" Matt was woken gently by his father's voice. He opened his eyes and squirmed himself up into a sitting position. Masaharu was crouching beside him, trying not to seem too obvious in his concern.

"Have you eaten yet? It's past lunchtime."

Matt shook his head.

"Come to that, before they made you eat in the hospital, when was the last time you ate?" Masaharu asked. Matt plucked at an eyelash and shook his head.

"Don't remember much, do you?" Dad smiled slightly. Matt sighed and shook his head, a little smile on his face.

"Come on. Make yourself something, or I'll make you something." Masaharu stood and left the room, purposefully leaving the door open.

"No offence Dad," called Matt through the gap, with a playful smile on his face, "But I'd rather make something myself."

"Ha ha, funnyman." Masaharu retorted, top half disappearing into one of the cardboard boxes in the front room as though he were looking for something.

_Next time I ask TK to hide my silverware, I'm gonna ask him where he hid it._

Matt wandered into the kitchen, poking into various cupboards- places where TK had already been that day searching for munchies.

_I'm hungry… Surely that's a good sign? I must be getting over it._

Matt opened the cutlery drawer, and his face darkened.

"Okay, where are all the knives?" Matt demanded. Masaharu took a deep breath.

"Away."

"Away, _where_?"

"I don't know. I asked TK to hide them."

Matt heard his breath quicken, heard his voice raise, felt the tightness in his throat.

_All I want is a bit of f normality!! Or have I screwed that totally for myself!? I just want to be normal again, I don't want this-_

"Why?!" Matt screamed. Masaharu turned instantly. Matt continued his rant,

"I just- no, I- _God-_ why!? I couldn't do it the first time, you think I'd even _bother _again, considering that I failed at that like I do at everything else!? I've tried, Goddammit, I've tried-" Matt's eyes filled with tears "-but all I do is _wrong_! I can't even open my- God- _Why can't I tell you_!? I don't want this, I never wanted this, I never wanted this…" Matt was sobbing by now, but Masaharu sensed and saw that his child was unstable right now- and he didn't know what to do about it. Panic gripped him like the jaws of a python and he froze. Matt, crying so hard he couldn't see- and he had long ago lost the ability to understand- picked up the cutlery tray out of the drawer and emptied it on the floor with a crash that drove Masaharu's hands to his ears. Kicking a nearby fork viciously, Matt forced,

"I bet the medicine cabinet is empty too!" He ran, falling across the room to the bathroom cabinet. Masaharu followed quickly, terrified at this turn of events. Matt wrenched open the doors to the cupboard and scanned it for any useful contents. When he found nothing in the way of pills at all, he began blindly to sweep equipment off the shelves. Bandages, plasters, healing creams and a number of other items went flying across the bathroom. When there was nothing left on the shelves, Matt started on the side of the cupboard, smacking it again and again with his open palm. The cabinet shuddered and jolted, until Matt could heard cracking- but wasn't sure if it was the wood or his hand. Suddenly he felt strong hands across his chest, reaching out for his hands and holding them away from the cupboard- holding him by his wrists. He screamed out- half in pain and half in fury- and pushed against his captor.

"Matt! Stop it!" Masaharu yelled angrily, but Matt was still too out of control to really even hear him.

"Go away!! Get _out_!!" Matt screamed, pushing his dad right out of the bathroom. It took a few tries, but he finally managed it by putting his father off-balance. Masaharu teetered for a few moments before rescuing himself from an abrupt landing- but by then he was locked out of the bathroom.

He could hear Matt crying loudly inside.

"Matt?"

_God, please don't hurt yourself._ Masaharu begged mentally, and tried to remember if he'd left anything potentially dangerous in the bathroom.

Matt sat, alone and trying to come down off the ceiling, crying so hard he could hardly open his eyes anymore.

_Oh, God, what have I just done? What have I just done?_

Masaharu sat down outside the bathroom door and put his head in his hands.

_What am I supposed to do with him? Now, to top everything else off, he's aggressive and violent…_

"Matt…?" Masaharu risked, but he knew there was little point. Matt was still crying so hard, he probaby couldn't hear.

"Yama-'suko…?"

Still no answer.

"I'm here, aiji." He said quietly. He listened silently as he heard movement over the slowing tears. Then the shower.

Masaharu sat there for over an hour, listening in dead silence for movements and noises from the bathroom- and he was granted a few. The sound of towels being taken from the rail, a small sniff. Gentle padding across the wet floor. The sound of things being dragged out of the sink and off the floor, and being put back gently in the cupboard.

Eventually, satisfied that for now there was no danger, he stood.

He wasn't hungry, but darkness was beginning to creep insipidly over the front room- so he knew it was about time for dinner. More for Matt than anything else were his thoughts of food, for something deep inside his mind was still telling him his son hadn't eaten.

He wandered out to the kitchen, gazed at the floor for a moment, and then proceeded to pick up the contents of the cutlery drawer.

_I've just made it all worse, haven't I?_

_I'm sorry Daddy. I'm so sorry._

* * *

Masaharu was gazing emptily into his wok when he heard the bathroom door open. Every instinct in him wanted him to leap out of the kitchen and ask how his son was- but now he knew that sometimes that could be detrimental. He continued to stare into the wok, although his attention was always on the soft footsteps approaching from the front room.

He felt eyes on him, and eventually looked across at his son. Matt stood in his towelling robe, a towel over one shoulder, his hair washed and askew with wet. He looked pitiful, Masaharu thought to himself. He looked back at the wok. The pork was starting to look a little too white, but it didn't really matter. He wasn't interested in it. Turning down the heat, he felt a small tug at his shirt- then two arms wrapped themselves around his waist.

"Careful. Stove's hot." Masaharu's warning had sounded harsher than he'd meant it. He heard a sniff, and then,

"I'm sorry, Dad."

Dad poked at the pork before leaning forward to turn off the heat. As he did so, he covered Matt's arm with his own, so that he didn't come into contact with the stove as he turned it off.

"I'm so, so very sorry, Dad." Matt spoke again, and this time Masaharu could hear the shaking of bottled tears in his voice. He sighed and turned around to face his son, who allowed the move but didn't let go of his dad.

"Oh, boy…" Masaharu sighed as he slowly hung his arms over Matt's shoulders, clutching his hands together behind his head. Matt leaned into his dad, scared that he might have broken some valuable ties irrevocably. A tear ran slowly down each cheek. Masaharu slowly moved his hands across Matt's face, caressing the tears off his cheeks, then put his arms back where they were.

"You're gonna break my heart one day, boy…" Masaharu sighed. Matt finally pulled away, flicking new tears out of his eyes.

"'M sorry."

Masaharu nodded.

"W's so totally uncalled for, I don't know why I did it…"

"Okay. It's done now."

"Wish I could take it back."

"Well, you can't."

"'know."

Masaharu smiled and caressed the back of Matt's head with one hand.

"You know what?" He asked, a small smile twisting the corners of his mouth. Matt looked quizzical.

"I think I burned dinner." Masaharu pulled a face. Matt laughed and shrugged.

"Doesn't matter."

"Take-out?" Masaharu suggested. Matt shrugged again and smiled weakly.

"Don't care."

"You get to choose…?"

"Chinese?"

"Get the take-out menu from the drawer, then."

* * *

_It's so pretty out there…_

Matt gazed out of the window at the red and white lights belonging to lines of traffic, punctuated by the quiet sounds of the street outside. Bright lights lit Matt's face as he looked out over the city from his vantage point by the window. He sighed. The room was split into sections of black by the lines of light that floated through the window- Matt had turned the light off.

Dad had made him promise not to hurt himself whilst he got dinner, and Matt had no intentions of breaking that promise.

He picked absently at the bandages around his wrists.

There was some sense of security in the world being all the way down there. Matt felt as though he weren't in connection with it, as if-

The door opened, and Matt felt his heart quicken.

"Dad?" he asked, nervously- secretly knowing that it was too fast on the back of his father leaving to be a sign of his return.

"No, it's just me." TK called as he closed the door behind him. Matt heard the sounds of his brother throwing his shoes into a corner and wandering into the room.

"Why are you sitting in the dark?" TK asked, his voice involuntarily touched with worry. Matt turned to him and smiled over his clutched hands.

"Why not?"

"Let me turn the light-"  
"No. It's fine. Don't turn it on." Matt replied, no authority in his voice, just pure gentle request. TK nodded.

"Okay. If that's what you want." He conceeded.

"Where's Dad?"

"Getting dinner."

After a few moments, TK wandered over to where his brother sat, and looked out of the window to see what his brother was so entranced by.

"What are you looking at?" He asked curiously.

"Everything." Matt replied. He looked back at his brother's face, every curvature highlighted by the late-evening light. TK was looking at him curiously.

"What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Wondering how you're doing." TK responded. Matt smiled weakly.

"I'm okay."

"Really?" TK sounded skeptical, and Matt knew that his brother knew him better.

"No."

"Didn't think so." TK immediately stepped over his brother's feet and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, pulling him into his chest. He was surprised when Matt didn't fight him; he'd expected a little bit of adversity. Instead, Matt wrapped his arms around his brother and sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry." Matt whispered.

"You've already told me that a million times. I'm sorry, too."

"For what?" Matt questioned.

"For not being there. For whatever's hurting you.

"For everything you want me to be sorry for."

"I don't see anything I want you to be sorry for." Matt replied. Together, they gazed out of the window once more. A painful thought crossed Matt's mind.

_I'm still so dirty, and wrong. What if…? What if my dirt can rub off on TK? Or Dad- I've been touching Dad one way or another all day. I can't make them sick with my filth. I can't-_

"I shouldn't even be _touching _you." Matt said suddenly, letting go of his brother. Tears filled his eyes. TK heard the change in his voice and looked down worridly at his brother.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"I shouldn't be…" Matt wept quietly. TK just moved forward to hold him again, holding him tighter and telling him in no uncertain terms that he was an idiot.

"What makes you think _that_?" TK asked. Matt didn't reply.

"What makes you think that?" TK asked again.

"Because I might make you dirty." Matt whispered, not even bothering to wipe away his tears.

"Why? You've just showered- I can still smell shower gel. And your hair's still wet. You're not dirty."

"I am." Matt whispered.

"Well, I don't care, then. You're just gonna have to make me dirty, too."

And Matt so desperately wanted comfort that he didn't offer another word of resistance. He just sat quietly, entwined with his caring brother.

After a lengthy pause, TK took a long, deep breath.

"Why won't you talk to me?" he asked softly, his voice strange now that they had become accustomed to the strange combination of the quiet in the room and the street traffic outside.

"'Can't." Matt forced eventually.

"I won't push you to find out the answer anymore- I've probably pushed you too hard already. But it's only because I'm scared and worried and frightened…

"I can't explain how much what you did hurt me."

Matt's eyes filled with tears again.

"I'm sorry."

They paused before TK continued,

"I love you, if that helps."

Matt buried his face in his brother's shirt and wept.

"I…l-love you, too…"

"I know that, silly.

"And I know that something awful must have happened to you to make you want to leave me like that."

Matt nodded.

"You _can_ tell me. I _am _here for you. I know that listening is supposed to be a big brother thing, but… That doesn't mean I can't do it."

Matt continued to weep quietly into his brother's shirt.

"Ohh, you're doing that crying thing again aren't you? Please don't do it, don't do it, I _hate _it when you cry." TK's voice broke, and he looked out of the window, resting his cheek against his brother's head.

_I've been raped, TK._

_Please help me._

_I'm so ashamed._

They were still sitting in the same place fifteen minutes later when Masaharu returned home.

"I'm sure that guy sees me coming every- Hey, TK." Masaharu interrupted himself on seeing his youngest son in the room. He slowed right down and ventured, cautiously,

"Everything okay?"

"Sure, everything's fine." TK chirruped, but a sigh was in his voice. Matt was still gazing out of the window.

"If I'd known you were coming, I'd have gotten more food." Masaharu lamented, turning on the light. The brothers both squinted their eyes at the suddenly bright light. Matt turned back to the room, still with his arms around TK. He afforded his father a little smile.

"Oh. Hi Dad."

"Chicken fried rice…right? That's what you wanted?" Dad looked up and smiled. Matt nodded.

"Only a small portion, though."

"They don't do small portions up there."

"Then if he wants to, TK can share mine." TK looked as though he was actually considering that as an option and then sighed.

"Technically, I already had dinner at home. I don't think Mom'll be too pleased if I go home having eaten again. I won't be able to walk, you'll have to roll me down the road!"

"Are you kidding?" Masaharu asked, a grin wiping his face. "I've _seen _you eat, remember?" TK had the decency to blush at this comment.

"Well, in that case, you can have a _little _bit of mine." Matt responded, finally unwrapping his arms from his brother, as TK did the same. TK nodded.

"Okay, sure. I never was one for turning down food, much."

It turned out that that was the only meal Matt half-way enjoyed in a week and a half.

* * *

Matt rolled his eyes open slowly. The room was familiar, although not his own, and he tugged the covers tighter to his face as he remembered that he had slept in his father's bed last night. The door was closed and he could hear nothing on the other side of it. Sadly, he thought how alone he suddenly felt again, and slid out of the bed, tip-toes first. He clutched his dressing gown from behind the door and slipped it on around his shoulders as he walked to the door.

Opening it, he wandered out into the main room, only to jump when he heard his father's voice from the kitchen.

"I was just about to call you." Matt didn't reply for a moment, just blinked blearily. His sleep that night had been pretty good, compared to his sleep over the past few days- but because of that it was taking him longer to wake up.

"Why aren't you at work?" Matt asked eventually, walking slowly out to the kitchen and taking the glass of orange juice being offered to him.

"Because I'm not." Was Masaharu's reply to his son.

And that was that.

* * *

The day passed uneventfully. The new mattress for Matt's bed arrived, and Matt and his dad struggled with it for a good half-hour or so- trying first to get it into the elevator and then up the corridor to their apartment. Whist Masaharu repeatedly lost his temper with it, Matt spent a minute or so incapacitated with laughter at how silly they looked and sounded whilst trying to move the darned thing.

By the time they'd finally dragged the mattress into Matt's room, and arranged it on Matt's bed, they were exhausted. Matt flung himself backwards onto the bed and sighed. It smelled new and fresh and clean- a new start. There was no pain in this bed, it's springs were free of his distress. The delivery men had also taken away the old mattress- and Matt had tried not to notice the looks they flicked between the bed and him.

Other than that, very little happened apart from bedtime approaching sooner than it normally would. TK came to see Matt straight after school, and spent a short time with him before having to return home.

"Tai says to ask you how you're doing." TK said. Matt sighed.

"Why can't he come and ask me himself?"

"I think he's frightened."

Matt's eyebrows shot up.

"Tai? Frightened? Of what?"

"I don't know if I need to answer that or not." TK replied carefully, pulling a face. Matt sighed again and looked at the floor.

"I suppose.

"Tell him I'm fine."

TK nodded and smiled sadly. Then his face split into a grin.

"Oh! I brought you an old friend! And no, it's not Gabumon." He dug around in his bag, pulling out something by a tattered old leg. Matt smiled as soon as he saw his 'old friend'.

"But he's yours now." Matt reminded, taking the object from his brother and turning it right-side up.

"I know, but I thought I'd just loan him back. To keep you company. And to, well… remind you that I'm with you." Matt smiled at his brother gratefully.

* * *

Before bed that night, Masaharu checked that everything was off, and turned out the light in the front room. He paused before opening the door to his son's room and sighed. Finally, he opened it.

"Hey." His son spoke croakily from the bed, as though half asleep. Over the top of the bedcovers, Masaharu could see not one familiar face- but two.

"Wow… I haven't seen…" Masaharu paused for thought as he desperately tried to remember the name of-

"MuMu." Matt provided with an embarrassed smile, just as his father said it too.

"I haven't seen MuMu in years. I thought you gave him to TK?" Masaharu queried, sitting next to Matt and pulling at the leg of the stuffed toy moose. Matt clutched MuMu tighter and good-naturedly pulled him out of his father's hand.

"I did, but he loaned him back to me. Just for a while." Matt buried his head into the moose. Masaharu smiled sadly.

"I thought you'd grown out of him- that's why you gave him to TK."

"I have but… not right now. Just don't tell anybody, that's all." Masaharu grinned at that- his son, who prided himself on being the epitome of cool, was hugging a stuffed moose at the age of 15. He promised instantly.

"He's looking very tatty. How old is he? He must nearly be as old as you are."

"About 13, I guess.

"And he…he looks how I feel right about now." Masaharu nodded and smiled sadly. They paused, and Masaharu listened carefully to his son's relaxed breathing.

"You know… really you ought to go back to school tomorrow." Masaharu sighed. Matt shook his head, and his breathing quickened.

"No, Dad, please…I'm not ready yet."

"Well, I have to go back to work tomorrow, so I'm not going to be here with you. You're gonna be all on your own. And I'm not sure I like the idea of you being all alone, especially not tomorrow." Masaharu advised, leaning over to play with MuMu's foot again. Matt looked quizzical for a second, then realised what his dad meant. It would be a week since his attempt to kill himself when tomorrow arrived.

"_Please_, Dad. I haven't even seen my friends since Monday-"

"Then tomorrow will be another chance to see them."

"No, Dad, you don't understand, I _can't_-"

"Then make me understand. Tell me why.

"You're not being bullied, are you?"

"N-no… Not really… Well… Dad, we already _talked_ about that."

"I know, and we got nowhere."

"Dad! _Please _don't make me go…" Matt felt involuntary tears fill his eyes.

"And you've got to trust me sometime…"

Masaharu closed his eyes and sighed deeply. On opening them again, he smiled.

"Okay. You can stay at home tomorrow, but I've still got to go to work, and you're still going on Friday-"

"But, Dad!-"

"No buts. You're going on Friday. It'll do you good to get out into the world again. You haven't even ventured outside for a week to see anybody or to do anything but come home. I'd be surprised if you remember anything at all about the world outside the window.

"And I want you to call me every couple of hours. I don't care what you're doing, you stop doing it and you call me. If you don't call me, I'll call you, and if I can't get through I'll be coming home and you're gonna be in big trouble. Okay?" Masaharu's voice was authoritive, and afforded no room for 'But, Dad!' this time. Matt sighed and nodded, clutching the moose so hard his fingers turned white. Masaharu noticed this.

"I know that seems harsh, but…

"You…

"I hope you never understand."

Matt blinked slowly and looked down at MuMu and the bedcovers. Picking at them, he quietly replied,

"I think I already do."

"I'm learning to be a good listener. You can call me- and I'll leave my phone on, I promise." Matt noted the pained look that passed over his father's face. He nodded.

"You should have let them put me in the asylum for a while, like they wanted to. So they could poke around in my head." Matt pouted sadly. Masaharu shook his head.

"Never." He replied, reassuringly.

After Masaharu bade his son goodnight, Matt sat for a long time, face buried in what had always been his beloved little MuMu. He worried about Friday.

He remembered that Friday was a bad day, a catastrophic day.

And that this Friday would be the day he'd have to meet up with Mr Gokansha again.

And silently, he cried.

* * *

Come the witching hour, Masaharu was woken abruptly by his son screaming,

"They _can_ hear me! They _can_…!!"

Leaping out of the bed, Masaharu raced to his son's room to find him sitting up in his bed, holding MuMu tightly with one arm and supporting himself with the other. His face wore a wet sheen, and his breathing was heavy.

"We can hear you, we can hear you… What's the matter?" Masaharu asked, sitting down on the divan and wiping sleep from his eyes. He took MuMu from his son's belligerent grasp and on the instant he did, Matt fell into his arms. He was silent, but shaking.

"Why can they hear you? And why do they need to?" Masaharu asked, but he received no reply.

* * *

The next day, Masaharu was trawling through websites that might throw him a lifeline as to how to react to his son, and how to treat him. He was still very nervous about leaving Matt alone, but having just received a call and finding his son to be fairly cheerful, he was more at ease.

'Depression in Teenagers: A Parent's Guide' announced the page he clicked into. Masaharu wasn't overly impressed with any of the reasons the page offered him for depression in young people. And he wasn't impressed because too many of them rang true. Losing a parent or loved one through divorce or bereavement- scratch one mark on the post. Tension within the family- another mark on the post. Having problems at school, that was another strong possibility- another mark. Being physically ill- well, the hospital had discounted that one. Feeling lonely or left out- that one left a mark on Masaharu's heart as well as the post. Not being listened to- another double-scratch.

Being abused physically, sexally or emotionally… This one made Masaharu pause for thought, but it was a brief thought. He didn't think it counted- but regardless that reason sat in the back of his mind.

He then got lost in the obituary and wailing wall sections of the site. He already knew he'd been lucky with Matt, but this showed him just _how_ lucky. Many other parents didn't have their children anymore after a good attempt- like Matt's had been. The words 'cry for help' had been issued at the hospital, but Masaharu knew the effort was probably too good for just that.

Depressing himself- and getting nowhere quickly in the site he was currently in, despite how good it was, Masaharu clicked back into the previous site.

'How Can I Recognise Depression in Teenagers?…'

Being extremely moody and irritable…Losing interest or not doing well at school and finding it hard to concentrate…Becoming withdrawn and losing touch with friends…Not looking after themselves…Not eating or eating too much…Sleeping badly or sleeping too much…

Masaharu damned himself a hundred times for not picking up the signs long ago. Losing himself again in the wailing wall page, and even leaving a message of condolence in the guest book, he carried on looking for his own mistakes.

Eventually, he found a page which also carried a live chat program. He sat and watched the messages appear one by one in the chatroom window. None of them seemed very inspiring, but nevertheless he signed in under the name JM, and posted a few questions. Primary question; should I feel guilty?

An instant chat window popped up from a user named 'Naokomom'.

'No, you shouldn't. Did you notice the signs before your child suicided?'

'I didn't lose him. And no, I only realised when I was looking at websites today.'

'Then unless you had a direct hand in the why of it, you shouldn't feel guilty- but I understand that you do. If you still have your baby, be glad and be proud- and be thankful that you have the chance to change things and make him better.'

'I don't know how.'

'Seek professional help for him. Suicide and depression are illnesses that kill the soul. Find out why he feels this way and heal it.

'www.nifty.naoko-omoide.co.jp

'This is my website.'

Masaharu clicked on the link and found himself looking into the eyes of a young girl in a picture, at the centre of a black page with subtle white writing.

'This is my daughter, Naoko. She suicided when she was sixteen. If you read on, you'll find out how many people love and remember her- but nothing like that can bring her back.

'I hope you'll be more fortunate than me, and that you'll be able to reach out and save your son from his pain.'

'It's a good site. I'm sure she'd be thankful that you care so much.' Masaharu typed.

'Are you kidding? She'd be jumping mad if she knew I'd posted pictures of her as a baby on the web! :)' Naokomom replied. Masaharu smiled and allowed himself to think how mad Matt would be if he did the same thing.

'Come to think of it, Yamato wouldn't be too impressed, either.'

'Is that your son's name?'

'Yes.'

Masaharu rubbed at his face, trying not to become so involved in the conversation that he'd miss the next call Matt made.

After all, he'd been online for hours- and hadn't yet done any work.

'Tell me how I can help him.'

'Your first port of call should be to talk to his friends. If he has a best friend, or a special friend, call them first- maybe he'll have spoken with them about what's bothering him.'

Masaharu picked up his cell phone and quickly dialled TK's number. He was probably in lessons, so naturally the phone was off. Masaharu left a brief message.

"TK, when you get this- could you call me with Tai's phone number, please?"

* * *

Matt sat silently in the front room, sullenly playing with the can of soda in front of him.

_So…_

_I have to go to school tomorrow. And aside of throwing another tantrum- which I shouldn't have done in the first place- Dad's never gonna let me stay home. _

_I can't go back there. M-Maybe if I can make Tai stay with me…_

_But, God, what if he gets Tai too? I couldn't live with myself if that happened._

_But Tai doesn't shower after Friday afternoon gym class._

_What am I supposed to do?_

'Tell someone' the omnipotent vioce in the back of his head chided.

_But how? How do I tell them what happened to me? I can't face it properly, so how can they?_

'You know your dad would do anything for you. Tell him.'

_I can't._

_I can't tell him. _

_He'd hate me for it._

'That's so totally wrong. Look in your heart of hearts and you'll find that you know that's not true.'

Matt buried his face in his arms and wept, not realising that he'd missed his once- every-two-hour time slot for calling Dad.

_I've made _such _a mess of this… What can I do, what am I gonna do to make it better?_

The thought of suicide crossed his mind again, but he resolutely pushed it away.

_No, I can't do that to Dad… To TK… To Tai… Mom… Everybody… It's not fair. And Gabumon- what would he do, he's my friend, too…_

And again…

_No! That's _not _the answer!_

And again…

_Oh, God… I don't know if I'm strong enough to resist it…_

'Yes. You are.'

* * *

Masaharu gave his son the benefit of the doubt for a good half-hour, whilst all the while panicking inside.

"_And you've got to trust me sometime…"_

He was blinded now to the open web page sprawled over his computer screen.

His cell phone rang, and he nearly leapt out of his seat. Grabbing it without even looking at the display, he tried to sound calm as he answered it.

"Matt?"

"No it's TK. You called me to get Tai's number, remember?" Masaharu sighed.

"Yes…yes I did. What is it?"

TK reeled off the number from memory.

"Dad, I have to go- my next lesson's coming up."

"TK, before you go- have you seen your brother?"

"Not since yesterday, why?"

"No reason."

TK left the conversation in a state of bewilderment. Shaking his head, he turned the phone off and lined up outside the classroom for his art lesson.

Masaharu, on the other hand, couldn't resist the need to hear his son's voice anymore, and so dialled his home number.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

Four rings.

_Oh, God…_

Five rings.

_I should never have left him alone…_

Six rings.

_God, don't do this to me!_

Seven rings.

_Matt, don't you _dare_ do this to me!_

Eight rings.

_Please, God…_

Nine rings…

Leaving the phone ringing, Masaharu grabbed his jacket from the coat stand and rushed for the door, his hand slipping on the handle in his desperation. Finally hanging the call, he dialled Natsuko's cell number from his address book as he raced headlong through the office corridors.

"Hello, Nat-

"It's me. Have you seen Matt?" Masaharu interrupted, bursting through the main doors and running into the parking lot.

"No. Should I have?" Masaharu didn't pause to notice the concern in his ex-wife's voice. He ran to his car, quickly unlocking it and leaping into the driver's side.

"He's not answering the phone at home. I told him to call me, I told him to-"  
"Masaharu! You didn't! You left him home alone!? Oh, _God_, I can't believe you'd be so st-"

"Shut up and get to my apartment if you can get there quicker than I can!" Masaharu yelled into the phone and hung up. He smacked his hand into the steering wheel twice and tried to calm down a little before starting the engine.

_Masaharu, you can't drive the car and panic at the same time, you're no good to Matt dead…_

A few painfully slow minutes later, Mr Ishida raced out of the elevator and into his corridor, where Natsuko ran to meet him.

"I don't have a _key _for your apartment!"

"Is he answering the do-?"

"No, he's not! Open it, quickly!" Natsuko screamed, tears in her eyes. Masaharu fought with the keys in his pocket. He tore a hole clean through it as he battled, first with the keys and then with the Yale lock.

Bursting into the room, both parents took deep breaths and searched the apartment.

Of Matt, there was no sign.

Masaharu tried hard not to cry. In all of this charade, he'd cried only once, and he was damned sure he wasn't going to cry in front of his ex-wife. His head spinning, he glanced over to the phone. Resting against it was an ivory-white envelope, with the cherished word 'Dad' written on it. Moving quickly over to the phone, Masaharu opened the letter within a few moments.

'_Dad,_

'_I'm sorry I've hurt you all this time. I never meant to, but here I am doing it again. All of you, you're all right, something horrible _did_ happen to me, and I can't even talk about it. I just want you to know that I'm stronger than what I did, and not to worry-'_

Masaharu called out to Natsuko, who had thrown herself into a chair at the table. Her head seemed as though it were too heavy to lift.

"He's not dead." Natsuko swung her head around and stared at Masaharu. She noted the precious piece of paper in his hands. They looked huge as they cradled it.

"So where is he?" Natsuko asked, standing shakily. Masaharu shook his head.

"The letter doesn't say."

Masaharu paused for a moment before grabbing a piece of paper from the pocket without the hole- the piece with Tai's number on it.

* * *

Tai's phone rang and he felt his ears redden as the teacher turned around to stare at him.

"Heh heh." Tai grinned innocently, but Mr Yurushi was having none of it.

"I believe those are meant to be turned off in class, Mister Kamiya."

"Sorry…"

"Well…?" prompted the teacher. Tai looked confused as the phone continued to ring.

"Aren't you going to answer it?" sighed the teacher. Tai leapt up to comply.

"Uhm, thank you sir…" He looked at the display and found it to be a number he didn't recognise.

"H-hello?" Tai asked, Mr Yurushi purposefully not continuing with the class until Tai had finished. Tai felt a flush creep across his nose, and wished Matt was there with him so that they could laugh about it later.

"Tai, it's Mr Ishida. Is Matt with you, or have you seen him at all today?"

"No, sir, I haven't seen him. Is something wrong?" Tai blanked the rest of the class suddenly, despite the staring and the comments. He'd had no reason to expect a call from Matt's dad- and it could only worry him after the events that had passed recently.

"He's not in the apartment. I think he's gone missing."

Tai froze.

* * *

_End of Chapter Two. Thank you very much for reading :)_


	3. Chapter 3

**

* * *

**

Red and White

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together._

_**Chapter Three**_

Hours of searching proved fruitless, and with every moment that passed, the searchers became more desperate. Natsuko and Masaharu covered ground in their cars. Tai and TK covered the town on foot, in torrential rain, calling out Matt's name until they were hoarse. Izzy convinced his dad to giving him a ride around the city, linking up his laptop to the frequency of Matt's digivice to give them a better range- but for some reason it wasn't responding at all. Sora and Kari called each of Matt's friends in turn, and Joe did the unthinkable- checked the hospitals. From where Mimi was, she couldn't do much but sit and hope.

Davis did the door-knocking to see if he could find out where Matt had last been seen, accompanied by Cody. The team effort was completed by Yolei and her frantic email postings and calls between Digidestined as Head Communicator. Even Masaharu and Natsuko called in to see if anybody had found anything.

Nobody did.

Despite hours of searching, they turned up nothing. Perhaps more thankfully than anyone else's results, Joe turned up no news from his hospital search.

"Why do I get all the good jobs?" He'd moaned as he realised that was the only job left- the job nobody else wanted to do.

Natsuko had to drag her youngest son, sobbing, off the streets. Sometimes the level of hope in his blood was painful to himself and those all around him. Tai watched as TK was escorted out of the rain and into the car. Tai sighed and admitted silently that this was for the best. Both he and TK were soaked to and through the skin- making themselves ill wasn't going to help anybody. Sadly he resigned himself to the fact that, at ten o'clock in the evening, there was little they could do now until tomorrow.

"Get in, Tai. I'll give you a ride home." Natsuko shouted through the pounding of rain on the sidewalk. She looked exhausted, and her mascara had run all over her face- but that was certainly the least of her worries. Tai nodded and murmured his thanks.

Tai gazed silently out of the window all the way, watching the world through the smattering of rain on the glass. At any moment, he expected to see Matt- but in his heart of hearts he knew he wouldn't.

Turning to TK, he said,

"He'll be okay, TK."

"You don't have to tell me that, I know that. He's stronger than he was, I know that too." TK sat, folded over himself, hands clutched together as though he could wish on his own skin.

"Now I just need to know where he is and then we can help him, I know that."

"TK…"

There was no reply from TK, just more hand scrunching.

"TK…Look at me."

"He'll be fine, I know he will."

TK did not look up, so Tai pretended for his sake that he couldn't see the tears in his eyes.

* * *

Later that evening, Tai sighed as he got into his pyjamas and walked out onto the landing of his and Kari's room. He was more or less protected from the rain there, and he gazed out over the city- in one last subconscious effort to search for Matt.

Kari knocked and entered the room, walking up behind her brother. She hugged him slowly. Tai sighed at her show of affection.

"He'll be fine." Kari reassured, smiling. Tai didn't look at her.

"That's what TK said."

"We'll find him. He'll be okay." Kari repeated. Tai walked back into the room and paused at the door to give Kari time to get inside.

"You shouldn't be out in the rain." He chided lightly. Kari smiled.

"You're never happy unless you're worrying about somebody, are you?"

Tai scowled slightly at this and threw himself onto his bunk.

"I'm gonna smack him when we _do _find him." Tai sulked slightly.

"I'm not sure that'll help." Kari chastened softly. Tai flicked a look at her and replied,

"I am."

* * *

"What? What do you mean! He's a high-risk case, and you're telling me I still have to wait twenty-four hours because of your God-damn bureaucracy!?" Masaharu yelled down the phone whilst attempting to at least half-aim his car down the main street. At that moment, he lost the signal due to the devastating storm and his call to the police station was abruptly cut short. Swearing in colourful tones, Masaharu threw the phone across the car. He tried to see where he was going, but even with the windshield wipers working at full strength his visibility was very poor.

Fate was being particularly cruel to him today- so in some ways it was no surprise when he suddenly felt the equilibrium of the car slip. It leaned to one side, and his control became limited suddenly.

"No…Not this…Please, no! _God_- who is out to _get _me today!?" Masaharu yelled as he pulled the car over and got out into the monsoon-type rain. Soaked through in a matter of seconds, Masaharu looked at the culprit of his loss of control- a busted tyre. He kicked it hatefully and opened the trunk, all the time praying that he had a spare.

"Tell me I've got one… Tell me, I've got one… Tell me… I've got…one…

"I haven't got one.

"_Kuso_!" Masaharu spat into the rain. His loosely controlled temper suddenly flared, and in the flooding rain he kicked and kicked and kicked at the wheel keeping him from the search for his son. Tears entering his eyes involuntarily, he stopped and tried to breathe, his fit of anger suddenly waning and panic filling it's void…

_If I'm not out there, I won't find him… If I don't find him, he might do something to himself… God, Matt, I love you so much… I love you so much, I can't bear to lose you… Where the Hell are you!?_

Before he knew it, Masaharu found himself sobbing in the dark,dark night- one he feared would be the darkest of his life. He was terrified for his son, of whom there had been absolutely no sign. Of course, attempts to call his cell phone had been unsuccessful. Even Masaharu's attempts to trace the signal via the TV station had proved fruitless. Hopelessly crying now, thwarted in every attempt to find his lost son, he opened the door to the car and dragged something off the back seat.

Stumbling around to the side of the car with the puncture again, Masaharu sat down in front of it and cried into a small, brown, fluffy thing. MuMu wasn't the comforter to Masaharu he had always been to Matt- but right now he was all he had. He clutched and kneaded the soft toy like there was no tomorrow, and begged that Matt would have one.

* * *

Half asleep on his bunk after the distressing evening he had experienced, Tai could hear some kind of commotion on the edge of his consciousness. Whatever it was, it was slowly moving inward and encroaching on his sleep. He flicked one eye open as he recognised the sound as rapid, loud banging. Attempting to leap out of bed, he nearly jumped straight into Kari- who was sitting on his bunk, looking at him with fear in her eyes.

"It's too late to be anyone we know at the door…" Kari fretted, matching eyes with her brother.

"No, it's too late to be anything _good_." Tai corrected, scowling. He got out of the bed, and was no more than three inches from the door when he heard his mother yell his name.

He wasn't entirely keen on the mixture of apprehension, urgency and anxiety in her voice.

"Tai! Get out here, now!" This time it was his father's voice, and there was no-nonsense in it. Tai leapt for the doorhandle and turned it. He wasn't quite prepared for what he found in the doorway to his apartment.

Matt stood, totally engulfed in tears and rain, sobbing hopelessly on his doorstep. His face was red and chapped, as Tai's had been earlier that night, from the rain and cold. All he wore was a shirt and a thin black jacket, soaked through to the skin. Tai could see goosebumps beneath the shirt. The rain streamed off his face, so much so that he reached up to wipe it out of his eyes. Tai noticed at once that the bandages were soaked through, too.

The minute Tai regained control of his legs, he stamped over to Matt and dragged him inside, slamming the door behind him. Matt crumpled, slipping down to the floor- still sobbing like his life depended on it. Scowling, Tai brought his hand clear around and slapped Matt smartly across the face. Matt froze for a fraction of a second and then continued, not seeming to care. Then Tai engulfed Matt's wracking form in a bear hug, almost crying with relief.

"Where have you _been_?! Do you have _any _idea how worried you've had us?"

Tai heard Matt force something that probably should have sounded like 'I'm sorry', but was too coated in pain to be heard properly. Tai was vaguely aware that the water that soaked his friend was seeping through to his pyjamas, but he didn't much care. Eventually Matt hugged Tai back, bringing tears to Tai's eyes.

"I don't care if you're sorry, what's 'sorry' got to do with anything? You tell me what's wrong right now, Matt, or I'll set Agumon onto you, and make him sing!" Tai laughed through the tears in his eyes, in a desperate effort to bring Matt out of his fit. Tai heard something that should have been a laugh, but it was squashed by tears that it seemed just weren't going to go away.

Tai heard his mother's voice quietly behind him, telling him to get Matt inside the apartment properly and get him warm and dry. Tai tugged off Matt's shoes- he was too incapacitated to do it himself- and dragged him to his feet. Tugging him step by step into the apatrment, he put him down on the sofa- as carefully as a young child might with a favourite toy. Tai turned to get a towel from the bathroom, but found his sister was already there, holding one out for him. He gave it to Matt and ran to grab a chair from the kitchen. Sitting down in front of Matt, back to front on the chair, he said,

"Right. Tell me what's wrong- now." Matt looked up at his friend, tears still filling and refilling his eyes although he was no longer sobbing. As Tai's mom touched another towel to his head to dry off his hair, Matt nearly leapt right off the sofa. He found himself reaching for Tai desperately, fear of somebody behind him blinding all rational behaviour.

"It's okay, it's okay, Matt, it's just my mom. She doesn't bite. Hey… Hey, it's all right…" Tai scowled in concern at Matt as he attempted to settle back into the chair, nervously allowing Tai's mom to pat the excess water from his hair.

"Her cooking might be lousy, but she doesn't bite. Honest." Tai tried for a cheap joke, which just got him a quick flick of the towel and a scowl from his mother. Matt smiled in earnest effort, but his heart was far from in it.

"I'm sorry…to be such a nuisance… I-it's so late and I…" he stuttered, when he could find his broken and razor-raw voice.  
"It's all right, honey. We're just glad to know you're safe." Tai's mom said softly.

"Tai, why don't you take Matt into your room and sort out a pair of PJ's for him? He's gonna catch cold out here in those wet clothes." Tai nodded at his mother's request, and again pulled Matt up to his feet.

Digging around in his pyjama drawer, he found a navy blue pair that were a little too big for himself- but Matt took up more in height, so they would be a better fit. Matt was zombie-like whilst utilizing the towel and changing into Tai's pyjamas. Tai also dug out his dressing gown and gave it to Matt, insisting that he put it on after he noticed him shivering.

Eventually, he coaxed Matt back out to the front room. The small audience of Tai's family had gathered, and Matt looked nervously around at them as he sat down on the sofa.

"Don't worry abut them, Matt. They know you've been having problems. Everybody- Well, everybody's just worried about you. So many people love you so much, nobody wants you to hurt…" Matt's eyes filled with tears at Tai's words.

"'Ts… It's hard…" Matt stumbled, tears dripping down onto his sleeves. He looked Tai straight in the eye.

"But I have to tell somebody. A-and I can't tell my Dad because he's too close, and I can't tell TK because he's too close… And, for some reason…I-I could…I could always talk to you. You just kind of… forced it out of me, without me ever thinking about it…"

"You should probably have done that a long time ago, buddy." Tai sighed. Matt nodded, chewing his lip and gazing down at his soaked bandages. The water was seeping through to the cotton sleeves of his borrowed clothing. He tried to cover it up, but Tai told him matter-of-factly that it didn't matter one bit.

"Don't care about those, they can be washed. Not sure about you, though. You look like you're washed out enough already."

"Gee, thanks Tai." Matt even managed a small smile with his sarcasm.

They paused, and Matt took a deep breath. Tai waited, and when he because impatient after a few seceonds, he said,

"Are you gonna tell me or what?"

"I'm trying." Matt snarled- a little of the old him coming out in his exchange with Tai. Tai just nodded at this, and Matt realised that once again he had risen to his friend's bait. This time though, Matt didn't get mad. He just smiled weakly.

Closing his eyes, he took another deep breath. When he opened them again, tears coated his lids, and he flicked them off with his hand.

"I-it's really hard…you know? And I never wanted any of this to happen. I mean, I k-know that, somehow-" his voice faltered "- this has got to be my fault, I mean… Things like this don't just _happen _t-to people, I must have…

"I must have done _something_…

"I mean… Maybe it was that time when I gave him that look… I mean, I didn't mean to, I-"

"Who are we talking about here, Matt?" Tai scowled, deeply confused. Matt picked distractedly at the pyjamas he was wearing.

"I know that I'm not… not always well behaved, and I know I shouldn't have been shouting… But surely, that… That wasn't… _right,_ it wasn't _right _to make me so dirty…" Matt found himself crying again. Tai moved forward to put his hand on his arm, but Matt pulled away, nervous of being touched whilst exposing his pain.

"Why did you leave me, Tai?" His expression was pained and questing, an actual enquiry- not an accusation. Tai frowned.

"What do you mean…?" Matt looked back at the pyjamas and picked at an imaginary piece of fluff on the leg. Sniffing and trying to remember how to speak, he pressed his fingers into his eyes.

"When…when you went home early… Not- not early, but you didn't wait for me… You had to go, and… and meet up with…" Matt indicated Kari vaguely. "With Kari… A-and…" Matt began to shake. He hadn't been very controlled throughout the conversation so far, but now he lost all power over the shaking. Tai put his hands on Matt's arms, trying to stop him trembling- but couldn't.

"I-I-I c-can't…" Matt forced, and Tai could hear the shaking in his voice, too.

"Yes you can." Tai instructed, getting out of his chair and shooing Kari off the seat beside Matt, so that he could sit there. Suddenly, what Matt had said so far struck chords, and his spine turned to ice.

"What happened? Did something happen after I left you that day?

"Something happened to you, didn't it?

"What happened, Matt?"

Matt nodded, and tried to compose himself enough to speak. Suddenly, he suceeded, and Tai felt himself trip into another abyss of deep, dark concern.

"Matt?"

Matt's eyes were blank as he continued telling his story. His voice was quiet and distant as he went on to explain exactly what had happened after Tai left him.

"Remember…I shouted after you down the corridor…"

"Yeah, I remember that…"

"And…and you didn't answer…

"When you were running…did… Did you see Mr G…Gok…" Matt couldn't bring himself to say his name.

"Mr Gokansha?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Yeah, I did. He was sitting on that little bit of board thing they call a seat-"

"-seat. Yeah." Matt spoke over Tai. Tai didn't complain; just waited for Matt to speak again.

"You know, those tiles…in the shower room… They don't look so pretty with red on them… They're not meant to be red, they're meant to be white…"

"Matt, you're confusing the heck outta me… "

Instead of answering that, Matt just lifted the pyjama top he wore, and slid down the waistband of the bottoms. Tai could clearly see the leftovers of the bruises- no matter that they were faded, they were still visible scars of the past.

"He hit you?" Tai scowled, his face growing dark. Matt shook his head and opened his mouth to speak. He had to swallow a few times before his throat was wet enough to make any sound.

"No… It was worse than that… I've been smacked before- that… that wouldn't hurt as much…"

"Then what?" Tai asked, his brow furrowing.

"Tai…" warned Kari, her eyes full of tears. It was the first time she had spoken during Matt's tale, but she felt the need to warn her brother that he would not be expecting what came next- even though _she_ was.

_He raped me, Tai. I've been raped._  
"He raped me." Matt's voice was almost silent. Tai took a deep breath.

"He _what_?"

"Nothing." Matt spoke quickly, hoping that perhaps Tai hadn't heard him, that the world he knew wasn't suddenly going to come to a standstill.

"He _what_…?" Tai asked again, tears filling his eyes. "Oh, _God_, he _what_…?"

"I didn't mean for him to make me dirty…" Matt started to cry again, his body wracking once more with his sobs. Tai immediately wrapped his arms around Matt and rocked him gently.

"It's okay… We'll get this sorted out, Matt… There's no way this is your fault, and there's no way he's gonna ever be able to hurt you again…

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry I left you…" Tai felt guilt grab his heart. Matt couldn't speak, couldn't acknowledge the apology. He was crying too hard. Tai held him- feeling that perhaps, right now, he was the only protection between Matt and the rest of the world. He could hear Kari crying to his left, and closed his eyes so that he didn't cry. To his right, he heard his parents talking quietly, then his mother pick up the phone.

She was silent, and then-

"Yolei? Do you have Matt's dad's cellphone number?"

* * *

Masaharu sat silently in the rain, feeling the wet of his clothes against his skin. He was half-crossed between whether he actually wanted his phone to ring- or not. Or indeed, whether he would even hear it in this rain, with the traffic on the road passing him noisily. Within moments of this thought process, he could hear his phone ringing on the distant edge of audible. He felt his heart drop.

_Please be Matt…_ He begged. He got awkwardly to his feet and looked through into the car. He hadn't bothered to shut the door after he'd reached out for MuMu. Still holding the soaked toy, he found the phone to the side of the back seat. He answered it gingerly.

"Hello?" He spoke, sitting across the back seat.

"Ishida Masaharu? It's Tai's mom."

Masaharu felt his heart leap and then sink- all at the same time. He couldn't speak.

"Matt's fine. He's here."

Masaharu felt relief flood through him so quickly he thought he would be sick. Again, his ability to speak failed him.

"Hello?"

"'M here. Is he all right? I mean, how did you find him, how is he…what's wrong…?"

"He came here of his own accord. He was very upset, and obviously we took him inside. Physically, he seems okay, but, mentally…

"There's something you need to know."

Masaharu listened to her explanation closely, whilst chewing his lip. When she had finished, tears filled his eyes.

"Oh, God…

"So…so that's why he's been so strange, and hurting, and distant…

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's… now that I know, I can do something…maybe…

"Thank you for looking after him."

"It's the least we could do." Masaharu heard the accepting smile in her voice, He smiled too- and it had been so long, that he thought he'd forgotten how.

"Is it all right if I come and get him now? I mean, I know it's late-" Masaharu looked across at the clock in the car- registering the time as 11.30 pm- "but you must want him out of your hair." He finished.

"Matt's never been a problem- he's a nice boy and Tai's friend, so he's always welcome. But I think the best place for him right now is home."

"I think you're right. I'll be straight round."

"Tai's just putting him to bed for a while. I'm sure Matt will be glad to see you, though."

"I know I'll be glad to see him."

* * *

Tai was quiet as he knelt on the floor beside Matt. He was sleeping fitfully in Tai's bunk, his eyelids flickering only slightly. Tai sighed and turned away as he heard a knock at the door. His mom entered the room, closely followed by Matt's dad. Tai stood and bowed- his mother was slightly taken aback at this action, but nevertheless bit her tongue on any comment. Masaharu bobbed his head in return and instantly went over to the bed.

Being told your son is fine is one thing- seeing it for yourself is quite another. Masaharu sighed deeply as he sat beside Matt on the bed. He felt much of the tension from that night slip out of his feet as he sat with them rooted firmly to the floor.

He brushed Matt's face with one hand, and slid the other beneath his neck, slowly pulling him upwards and out of his slumber. Matt blinked as his father pulled him into a sitting position- only just manageable under the opression of the upper bunk. He was silent as he gazed at his father. Without another word, Masaharu leaned forward and hugged his child- the child he had thought lost earlier that night. Matt wrapped his arms around his dad, and Masaharu appreciated the touch.

They heard the door click quietly as Tai and his mom left the room. Matt looked at his dad. On Masaharu's face was an expression that said so many things- sorrow, regret, pain, understanding…

"You know." Matt whispered, matter of factly. Masaharu nodded.

"I do."

Matt lifted his shirt again, this time to show his dad the bruises. Masaharu pulled the top back down over the marks.

"I know. The hospital told me. That's how I knew something had _happened_ and that something wasn't just _wrong_. I didn't know how to talk to you, and you certainly didn't want to talk to me. That's why they gave you that counselling session without me; they thought I was hurting you."

"You'd never hurt me." Matt whispered, his throat as dry as sandpaper. Masaharu rubbed his son's arm.

"_I_ know that. And _you_ know that. I guess they were just doing their job."

"I'm sorry…" Matt whispered, reaching out his arms to his dad again.

"For what?" Asked Masaharu, answering the request appropriately. "You're the injured party in this, remember?"

"'Wanna go home." Matt whispered, closing his eyes- finally feeling some kind of strange peace in his dad's protective hold.

"Sure, son. Let's get you there."

* * *

Tai's attention never left the door to his room, but he was nevertheless surprised when it opened, and Masaharu appeared. He was carrying Matt in a bundle of bedcovers.

"Would it be okay if I take this cover, and return it tomorrow?" Masaharu asked, looking very apologetic. Tai's mom nodded.

"We have others, it's no problem."

Matt peered over the bedcovers like a small child- and it inspired a painful memory in Tai. He remembered again how his sister had looked when his parents had brought her home from the hospital after her pneumonia. She had looked just as Matt did now.

_And _that _was my fault, too, _Tai thought to himself bitterly.

"I'll come back for his things tomorrow, if that's all right." Masaharu continued, propping Matt up on his feet whilst slipping his own shoes on. When he was done, he picked Matt up again.

"That's fine." Tai heard his mom reply. He was too busy watching Matt to worry very much about what else was going on. Matt gazed at him from over his dad's shoulder- looking more drawn and pale and exhausted than Tai had ever seen him. As Masaharu walked for the door that Tai's dad opened for him, Matt untucked a hand from the bedcover and reached down towards Tai. Tai instantly reached up, and the tips of their fingers touched together.

Seconds later, Matt was gone, and the door was shut behind Tai's friend. Tai stood at the door, staring. He smelled his mom's reassuring scent before he felt her hands on his shoulders.

"Mom?" Tai asked, before turning around and hugging his mom for all he was worth.

"It's okay, honey. It'll be okay, everthing will be okay."

"It's all my fault!"

"It's not baby, it's not your fault. Matt's going to be okay, now."

"He wouldn't _have_ to _be_ okay if not for me!"

"Shhhh… Now you go to bed- and in the morning, you'll see that's not true." Tai's mom consoled as her son sobbed. She brushed her hand through his hair and shuddered.

_What if what happened to Matt had happened to _my _son…?_

_What if…?_

She gazed down and clutched Tai closer.

_But it didn't._

And as Kari approached, and wrapped her arms around her mother- also in tears- Mom held her tightly too.

_Thank God my children are safe tonight…_

* * *

"You think you could eat something?" Masaharu asked Matt as he sat forlornly in a chair. Matt shook his head.

"Not even some miso soup?" Dad pressed. "When was the last time you ate?" Matt appeared to give this a moment's thought, and then shrugged.

"You're sure you can't manage anything?" Dad was already half-way to the kitchen. Matt shook his head, and smiled.

"That's your answer for everything, isn't it?" He croaked.

"What is?" Masaharu walked back into the room. Matt looked up at him from around the blanket.

"Eating." Matt smiled. Masaharu grinned.

"Sorry. It always _used_ to work. _Still _works on TK."

When Masaharu had finished making the instant miso he was determined to give his son, he walked back into the room with a full mug. Very soon, he discovered, Matt was still shaking too much to hold it himself- and even then he couldn't bear to swallow any of the stuff.

"I'm sorry…" Matt whispered, trying harder to hold the mug by himself. Masaharu eventually took it away, too concerned that Mat would spill it on himself.

"I'm sorry…" Matt repeated, tears filling his eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to waste it…"

"Don't be silly; if you can't take it, you can't take it. It's my fault for making it in the first place."

"I'm sorry…" Matt continued to repeat his apology.

"You don't…hate me, do you?" Matt asked, tears snaking down his face. He looked at his hands in his lap as he spoke. It was all Masaharu could do to aviod jumping back in surprise.

"No, of course not! Why would I hate you?"

"Because…" Matt sniffled.

"No, not 'because…'. _Why_?"

"Because he…he made me dirty… I-I'm damaged goods now…" Matt snivelled. Masaharu sighed and crouched down in front of his son.

"You're such a silly boy, you know that? You think that what he did to you- the fact that he attacked you and brutally hurt you- you think that I would hate _you _for it? I'd like to think the bond between father and son is better than that, Yama-'suko.

"What he did to you was evil beyond words, and the only person I hate right now is him. You're about as opposite on that spectrum as it's possible to get." Matt matched his father's eyes with his own. With a sudden penetrating stare, Masaharu felt sure that Matt could see right through his eyes to his soul.

"You scare me, boy." Masaharu sighed and got up out of his crouch. "Come on- I need to change those bandages and hope that your stitches aren't wet through." Matt was taken aback by this for a moment- he'd forgotten all about his wrists.

As his father returned with new bandages and began cutting the old ones away, Matt watched his face carefully. Eventually, the dark stitches were exposed, and the red swelling of sore flesh on pale white skin could clearly be seen. Matt watched his father's tight control over his feelings towards these marks- but Masaharu could not hide a fleeting expression of shock and pain when they were finally uncovered. He had never seen them.

Without a word, Masaharu checked the stitches. Finding them to be more or less satisfactory, he quickly wound the new bandages around the hurtful red and black on white.

Finally he stood, and looked at his son, who was playing with the new bandages.

"Don't do that." He instructed gruffly.

Matt stopped.

"C'mon. Bedtime." Dad commanded, making no further mention of the permanent lines.

Matt nodded weakly and got up, as Dad put his hand on his back and gently pushed him towards the edge of the chair. He stumbled a little through his exhaustion and instantly found his father half carrying him into his bedroom.

Masaharu tucked his son into bed gently, whilst Matt fingered the covers nervously.

"Aren't I too old for that?" he spoke, his voice doped up with sleepiness. Masaharu shrugged.

"I don't know. Are you?"

"M-maybe not tonight." Matt whispered. Masaharu smiled gently.

"I promise I won't tell anyone. Wouldn't want to ruin your street cred." Matt smiled gratefully.

"Thanks, Dad." He said, honesty in his voice.

"What for?" Masaharu replied, looking confused.

"For not getting mad about it. And for understanding. I… I think if you'd gotten mad, it would have been so much harder…" Matt mumbled.

"I'm so shattered from worrying about you and your disappearing act, that I didn't have the strength to get mad."

"Sorry."

"It's all right. You're home and safe now. And tomorrow you're going to tell me all about it, and where you went."

"You're not… not mad at _me_, are you?" Matt asked, worridly. Masaharu shook his head firmly.

"Not anymore. Because now I know. And now I can actually help you."

"Please…I need somebody to help me…" Matt's eyes filled with tears. Masaharu instantly brushed them off with the bedcover.

"Now don't start that again. You're gonna get all the help we can give you. All right?" Masaharu chided gently. Matt nodded.

"I don't have to go to school tomorrow… Do I?"

"No. Of course not.

"You're not going back until all this is sorted out, and he's given the kicking he deserves." Matt saw the dark look that crossed his father's face. Worry crossed his own features.

"You're not going to get mad and do anything stupid, are you?" Matt asked, concerned.

"You mean, actually _give_ him the kicking he deserves? No. But I can work him in other ways.

"I'm a journalist, remember? I can make his life public hell."

"But…doesn't that mean mentioning me?"

"No, because you're a minor. I wouldn't be allowed to disclose your details."

"Oh."

They paused, and Masaharu praised the fact that he could hear his son's breathing. Matt fiddled with the edge of the sheet again.

"Déjà vu." Masaharu smiled crookedly. "We've been here before."

Matt's eyes flickered- his exhaustion was taking over.

"Why did we get a cab home?" Matt slurred, forcing his eyes open once more.

"Because our car is stuck somewhere on the edge of town, with a busted tyre." Masaharu replied, brushing his son's eyes shut. Matt flicked them open again, on the border of annoyance, but soon they slipped shut again.

"'Night." He heard his dad whisper, before he drifted into the dark, warm folds of gentle sleep.

* * *

As Matt had been nursed into sleep by his father's voice, he was also woken by it hours later.

"Matt? Matt, are you going to get up today? It's nearly eleven." He blinked blearily, only to have his vision filled with the pillow he'd had his head buried in.

"Mmm?"

Masaharu was sitting on the bed, looking at his son. Matt scowled and turned over.

"I think you should call Tai. He's been calling every hour on the hour since about seven o'clock." Masaharu suggested gently, whilst Matt flumped his head back down in the pillow.

"Mmmf mi fffta geff uff moww?" Matt complained into the pillow. Masaharu grinned and pulled off the bedcovers.

"How about yes?" He replied.

"Mmmrrrrrr…" Matt scowled and pulled the cover back over. He looked across to the brown fluffy thing in Masaharu's hand. It looked like it might once have had form- but it was now just a bundle of over-fluffed fur fabric.

"MuMu?" he asked, holding out his hand for the toy. Masaharu nodded.

"Clean and dry….erm… Sort of.

"I put him in the dryer and he kind of came out like that." Masaharu pulled a face, and Matt just laughed.

"So that'll be why he's a puffball, then."

"Mmm-hmm. Sorry."

Matt shrugged.

"Doesn't matter. TK can probably have him back now, anyway."

Masaharu stood and walked out of the room for a second, hanging on the doorframe to reach around for the phone. Picking up the cordless, he threw it into Matt's bedcovers and instructed,

"Call him."

"Who, TK?"

"No. Tai."

Matt nodded. Masaharu stood quietly for a moment before speaking again.

"I'm going to go to the school soon. Will you be all right, or do you want somebody here with you?" Matt took a deep breath.

"No, I'll be fine. I have the phone."

_People know I'm hurting._

"Okay." Masaharu's look was penetrating. "I'm trusting you." He looked at his watch.

"Well, if I leave now, I should be home in a couple of hours." He looked at his son, who was dialling Tai's number.

"Okay?"

"Mm-hmm. Oh… Hi, is Tai there?"

Masaharu waved slightly to his son to indicate that he was leaving. Matt curled his fingers in reply.

"Tai? It's me."

"Hey. You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Kind of."

"Been sleepin'?"

"Yeah. Dad tell you?"

"Yup."

"Dad said you've been callin'."

"I have."  
"What are you doing home, anyway? It's Friday."

"Mom and Dad aren't letting me go back to school until he's gone."

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hm."

"You're not mad at me…Are you?" Matt asked suddenly, fear in his voice. He was upset by Tai's curt replies.

"What?! No! I've just been…worried, that's all- I thought I'd fogotten how to speak! I had to practice before I got to the phone!" Tai giggeld at how silly his own words sounded. Matt smiled.

"Okay. That's good.

"Tai, I wanted to say thank you, and sorry and all that good stuff… For everything you and your family did for me last night… I really-"

"No problem." Tai interrupted- knowing that 'thank you' wasn't always easy for Matt- but something he nevertheless normally meant to say. He grinned to himself.

"You want company?" he asked, hoping that Matt would say yes. Suddenly, Matt felt very lonely indeed.

"Yeah. Sure."

"I'll be around in ten minutes or so then, okay?" Tai informed. Matt smiled.

"Sure."

* * *

Matt and Tai were sitting on Matt's bed thirty mintes or so later. Tai was munching through a bag of chips, and Matt was making another attempt at miso soup.

"I really don't want to eat this…" Matt screwed his nose up at the soup.

"Tough." Tai retorted cheerily. "If you don't eat it, I'm gonna make you eat it."

"You sound like my dad." Matt warned. Tai shrugged.

"Hey, if it works…"

They were silent for a moment.

"Why didn't you tell anybody before? What did you think was going to happen?" Tai asked eventually. He leaned over and tugged at Matt's bandages. "Why'd you let it come to _this_ before you said anything?" Matt tugged his arm away, a look of momentary pain on his features.

"I didn't mean it to come to _this_." He indicated his own bandages. "I didn't, know, I really didn't know what I was doing. I'm still not sure I do, but now I've got my dad looking out for me."

"And me. And as many of our friends as you want." Tai reminded. Matt smiled.

"I know, but… Sometimes you think you're alone, and that you have to cope with stuff by yourself- and no matter how hard you try, you can't change that thought."

"I know."

They paused again, and Matt forced a mouthful of soup.

"Don't you have anything more appetizing than miso soup?" Tai asked, pulling faces. Matt pulled one in return and replied.

"Nope."

"Why didn't you tell TK?" Tai asked carefully. "He was worried sick after you hurt yourself." Matt's face was pained again.

"I don't know. He _did _try to get it out of me several times, I think. But… I just… I feel so dirty, Tai. And horrible, and… I thought that it might all rub off on him, and that wasn't fair. So I couldn't talk to him, couldn't say anything…"

"I think you should have."

"What I should have done, and what I did, are two different things…" Matt replied sagely, gazing disinterestedly into the miso soup. Tai sighed and looked around for something to distract Matt with.

"Who's _this_ guy?" Tai put aside the chips and picked up the brown ball of fur fabric fluff from beside Matt's bed. Matt scowled defensively.

"That's MuMu."

"MuMu?!" Tai tried to stifle the laugh in his throat, but failed.

"Hey, that's my MuMu. _Don't _laugh at him." Matt snatched the toy out of Tai's grip and placed it protectively by his side.

"Hey, I don't have a problem with 'MuMu'…" Tai tried to convince Matt, but the grin on his face was too apparent. Matt narrowed his eyes.

"_Don't _make fun of my MuMu.

"Besides, he's TK's now. Again."

"…I'm not gonna ask." Tai resigned. He sighed and carried on with his chips.

Perhaps it hadn't reflected very well on him, but Tai had succeded in what he had tried to do. He smiled to himself. He had broken Matt for a moment out of his dark reverie.

"Are you coming to the barbecue?" Tai asked suddenly, offering Matt a chip. Matt looked confused.

"Barbecue?"

"Yeah, TK's gonna bring Mr Gokansha's left leg, and we're barbecuing all night!" Tai replied, a big grin on his face. The comment was grotesque, and perhaps more than a little inappropriate- but it made Matt laugh.

"Don't even go there. TK's already called and offered to break every bone in his body."

"Really?" Tai asked, a little incredulous.

"Yeah." Matt shook his head. "I hope he really doesn't get any big ideas."

"I doubt it. And I guess I shouldn't really be surprised- he _did_ sock somebody in his math class for saying something mean about you." Tai said, blasé whilst munching on chips.

"He _what_?" Matt asked. Tai paused.

"You didn't know?"

"No. I didn't." Matt sighed. "What happened?"

"Well, apparently the guy said something about you and the funny farm that TK didn't much like. He was- like I told you before- _really_ worried about you. I think the guy just put too much pressure on TK and he broke. He didn't like people talking about you like that. Can't say I blame him much, either."

Matt didn't reply, just got up off the bed.

"I can't eat this." Matt sighed, holding the soup bowl in one hand. Tai stood too.

"Fine. Then I'm just gonna have to cook some eggs."

"Oh no. Not that." Matt grinned wryly as Tai pulled a look of pain.

* * *

"The very least you can do, is suspend him immediately." Mr Ishida advised, sitting in front of the principle, hands steepled over the desk. The Principle looked _very _nervous.

"I've never heard of such an accusation in my school, Mr Ishida. I find it diffucult to believe-"

"My son doesn't lie.

"He tried to kill himself- isn't that indicative of a serious problem? Now, I'm telling you this so that some other poor kid doesn't have to suffer. The man is a bas-"

"Mr Ishida, you just can't come in here accusing my staff of-"

"Why don't you ask him?" Masaharu countered quickly.

"What?" The Principle's jaw dropped.

"Why don't you _ask _him?" Masaharu repeated slowly.

"Mr Gokansha?"

"Well, not my _son_- he's not stepping foot inside this place until that man is well and truly gone." The Principle looked up from his clenched hands and saw the look on Masaharu's face. It was a look of dark pain, of revenge as yet incomplete. It was the look of a father who had a son to avenge and who was going to do it any which way possible.

"I don't see as you've anything to say to him, Mr Ishida."

"I've got plenty to say to him."

"Look, Mr Ishida-"

"Look, Mr Akimoto. If you don't want to do this here, I'll find him. Wouldn't you rather have some authority over the matter? And you _do_ understand that I can make life very difficult for your school…?"

"Is that a threat, Mr Ishida?" The Principle lifted an eyebrow. Masaharu sat back further in the chair.

"No, it's a promise. Think about it- I'm a journalist. I could make some very bad publicity for this place. Editorials, confidentials, interviews with staff…"

"And would you?"

"I'd do anything to keep that happening to another kid. You're not taking this seriously enough."

"You have to understand what you're saying, Mr Ishida. You're accusing a man of a very serious crime. I _have_ to take it seriously, but I have to know how serious _you _are before I can do anything."

"I'm very serious. I want his head on a platter." Masaharu replied angrily. "If I thought I could get away with it, I'd break both his legs and leave him for the crows. But getting a prison sentence isn't going to help my son, either."

_Gut instinct says I break every bone in Gokansha's body, _Masaharu thought to himself, _But I'd never get away without prison. I hate to admit it, but this _is _the best way._

The principle sat back and sighed.

"Fine. I'll call him in here. But on the understanding that he's innocent until proven guilty."

Masaharu arched immediately.

"Fine." He growled, his brow furrowing visciously.

There was silence between Masaharu and the Principle whilst they waited for a break in lessons. A messenger was sent down for Mr Gokansha in the meanwhile.

The silence gave Masaharu a moment to grieve for his son again. He kew Matt still wasn't right- knew that it would take a long time and a lot of care and attention, a lot of counselling before he would be anything _close _to right again. And he grieved for what he considered was his own stupidity. If he'd realised there was a problem before, Matt would never need to live with the scars he knew would adorn his wrists forever…

"Mr Ishida?" He was broken out of his reverie by the Principle. Masaharu looked up- he hadn't heard the assistant enter the room.

"Hmm?"

"Mr Gokansha is outside."

Masaharu stood immediately, turning towards the door. Unconsciously, his fists clenched. Time seemed to slow down and stop for a moment- then the door opened and Mr Gokansha walked in, looking between the Principle and Mr Ishida. His face was blank- as if he could think of no reason in the world why he would be called into the principle's office.

"Mr Gokansha, please enter. This is Mr Ishida-"

"Ishida Yamato's father." Mr Gokansha interrupted, and his face darkened. He looked at Masaharu, who looked back. Masaharu's fists were still clenched.

"Remember him, do you?" Masaharu growled. Mr Gokansha looked back to Mr Akimoto.

"Apparently, Mr Ishida's son has accused you of raping him. My own opinion is that you would have nothing to do with it- but it _is _a very serious accusation, and as such I must treat it like one.

"What is your own version of events, Mr Gokansha?

"And would both of you please sit?"

Mr Gokansha sat immediately, but Masaharu didn't move.

"Mr Ishida?" asked the Principle, indicating a seat.

"No. I'll stand."

_I can't stand the idea of sitting next to that b…_

Mr Gokansha sighed and rubbed his face theatrically.

"There's nothing to tell, Mr Akimoto. There _is _no version of events, because nothing of the kind ever happened. I'm very shocked to find that a boy as intelligent as Yamato has even bothered to come up with such a story- and how a wise man like Ishida-san could believe it."

"Why don't you tell us some more lies?" Masaharu growled angrily. "My son would never lie about something like that- unless it happened to him, he probably wouldn't even have thought of it. He's been on edge and mentally unstable now for two weeks- two weeks in fact, which just _happen_ to have been after your late afternoon Friday lesson of the fourth of this month.

"He showers.

"He says you like little boys that shower."

"Absolute fabrication." Mr Gokansha shrugged. He looked the Principle in the eye.

"You don't seem very shocked that he's accusing you of anything, Mr Gokansha. Can you tell me why?" The Principle asked, his frown deepening. Mr Gokansha shook his head and raised his hands in the air.

"Yamato is a very strange young man. I don't doubt that he is also in posession of some very strong manipulative skills- they certainly seem to work on his father. I wouldn't put anything past him- he's a very clever boy."

"How dare you…" Masaharu snarled. He snapped his eyes shut- trying to keep his temper. He snapped his eyes back open and took out a piece of notepad paper from his pocket.

"Fine. Then could we possibly speak to Ms Kansatsu?" he asked, reading the name from the sheet of paper. He'd asked Tai in one of his calls that morning all that he could remember of the past two weeks- and he'd mentioned the name of their science teacher. He remembered the events of the last Thursday, and knew that words had been spoken between Matt and the teacher- but didn't know what.

They waited as the Principle made another call, this time for the science teacher.

Eventually, she entered the room, looking bewildered.

"Ms Kansatsu? This is Mr Ishida- you already know Mr Gokansha."

"Matt's dad?" Ms Kansatsu asked. Masaharu nodded. She bowed slightly, and Masaharu returned the act.

"I heard about Matt, but haven't seen him yet. I hope he's okay?" she asked, genuinely concerned. Masaharu smiled and nodded.

"He's struggling, but okay."

What can I helpyou with?" she asked. Masaharu took a deep breath and asked,

"Can you tell me what you and my son spoke about last Thursday, when you kept him after class?" Ms Kansatsu looked uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry. I promised what Matt said to be wouldn't be passed on at all. Forgive me, Ishida-san, but…I would find it against my principles if I were to break the promise I made to your son." Masaharu nodded, a small frown creeping across his forehead.

"And I understand that completely- but in this case it's in his best interest for you to tell us. At least, if nothing else, please give these gentlemen a charater reference for my son."

"He's a good, hard-working boy. Normally all assignments I set for him are in on time. He and Tai work together pretty well in my class, although I get the feeling sometimes that he's carrying Tai a little. Nevertheless, he's normally aware of it, and takes it well."

"You said 'normally'. Can you tell us when he last failed to hand in an assignment?" Asked Mr Akimoto. The female teacher nodded.

"Yes. Last Thursday. I kept him behind after class becase he hadn't been concentrating at all in the lesson, and his assignment was non-existant. He spent more time doodling all over the front of his notebook than he did actually doing the work that was set. For once, Tai was desperately trying to carry _him_.

"I asked him to stay behind, because I believed there could well be a problem, either with the work or with something else. He looked very pale and dishevelled- not at all the well-groomed Yamato I'm used to seeing in my classes."

Masaharu left a silence in the air before he asked,

"And what did he tell you?"

Ms Kansatsu looked around the room, clearly battling with her conscience. Masaharu took his cell phone out of his pocket and offered it to her.

"We could call him. He _will _say yes- if you want to, you can ask him yourself." Ms Kansatsu frowned at the phone and turned to the Principle.

"What's this all about, Mr Akimoto?"

"It's in regard to a very serious allegation against Mr Gokansha. We need all the evidence we can get."

"What allegation?"

"It's a particularly nasty one."

"I'd like to know what." Ms Kansatsu matched gazes with the principle. He sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Young Ishida Yamato has accused Mr Gokansha of raping him."

Ms Kansatsu took a deep breath, and helped herself to a chair. Opening her eyes again, she glanced at Mr Gokansha.

"I can't imagine Matt lying." She said quietly. Masaharu smiled and bowed slightly to her.

"Now will you tell us?" he asked her. She looked into his face as he quietly pleaded with her. She nodded.

"I kept Matt behind to talk about why he hadn't completed his tasks. He didn't give a very convincing answer- he was very cagey and nervous. I had talked with other teachers of his- we all agreed that something was wrong.

"When I asked him if it was problem at home, he said no- very definitely. No doubt there, it was his only whole-hearted answer."

Masaharu smiled and nodded slightly- grateful for this confirmation.

"When I asked him if it was a problem at school- no response. When I asked him if it was a problem I could help him with, he shook his head. I knew then that it was something serious. I told him to talk with Tai, and sent him away."

There was a long pause. Eventually, Mr Gokansha broke it.

"So that immediately means I am to blame, I suppose."

"No, but you've got to admit it's a little strange- Matt didn't have any such serious school problems until you showed up, and now this…?" Ms Kansatsu snapped. Mr Gokansha fell suspiciously silent. Ms Kansatsu sighed and turned to the Principle.

"Matt wouldn't lie about something like that. Or at least- _I_ don't think so. I teach students all the time that I think are capable of that kind of lie- but not Matt. Sure, he can be unruly occasionally- especially when he and Tai fall out- but he's a young boy, young boys get unruly occasionally. It's how they find adulthood.

"Last week, he wasn't right, not at all. If he was my own son, I'd have taken him in my arms right there and then."

"Thank you, Ms Kansatsu, for your…_learned _opinion." The Pronciple indicated the door and nodded slightly at the science teacher. She stood stiffly, glancing at Masaharu, who still looked as determined as ever.

Walking forward to the Principle, she whispered something in his ear. His eyebrows shot up, and he watched as Ms Kansatsu left the room without another word. He looked stunned, but shook his head, as if to shake off any remnants of what the teacher had said. Masaharu found this curious, but said nothing.

"Well." Mr Akimoto sighed. "This is all very difficult."

"No, difficult is a word you use for a hard decision. This should be an easy one." Masaharu replied deeply- his voice booming in the sudden quiet. The Principle shook his head.

"No, it isn't. Clearly, there is a problem in our system _somewhere_. Ms Kansatsu is a very experienced teacher, and has been here for a number of years. She wouldn't take to the subject like that if she didn't believe there was good reason to. She clearly also carries a very high opinion of Yamato, and therefore her judgement may be skewed slightly.

"Under the circumstances, I have no choice. Mr Gokansha, you will be suspended on full pay until we can come to a conclusion in regard to this accusation. It is not an indication of guilt, sir- and nor is it an acceptance of responsibility, Mr Ishida.

"Of course, the police will have to be called in on the matter- we cannot investigate this all by ourselves. I trust that neither you or Yamato will object to this, Mr Ishida?" The Principle eyed Masaharu suspiciously.

"I don't. Matt might have to be convinced, but when he understands it's the only way, he'll accept it." Masaharu replied to the Principle, whilst all the while not taking his eyes off Mr Gokansha.

"Mr Gokansha? Your opinion?" Asked Mr Akimoto.

"Fine. Go ahead and call the police. I have nothing to hide. They'll find nothing." His eyes were matched with Masaharu's.

"Then we have nothing further to discuss at this time. Mr Gokansha, I must insist that you leave the premises immediately. I cannot allow you even to finish today's classes.

"Mr Ishida, I will be in touch."

Masaharu bowed and turned to Mr Gokansha, waiting for him to leave. Mr Gokansha didn't move. His hands were tight against the arms of the chair, and he was silent as a crouching tiger. He looked back at Masaharu darkly. Masaharu matched the look.

"You don't scare me." Masaharu said darkly. Mr Gokansha stood. The atmosphere between the two men was electric. He looked into Masaharu's dark eyes and smiled.

"I don't _have _to scare _you_." He turned and walked towards the door. It took no longer than a split second for Masaharu to angrily follow him into the corridor, slamming the Principle's door behind him.

"_What _did you say?" He yelled down the corridor after Mr Gokansha. He didn't even turn around, just yelled back,

"I think you heard me."

"I hope to God I didn't…" Masaharu snarled. Mr Gokansha turned at this and walked back up the corridor to Masaharu. He looked at him in a sideways fashion and whispered,

"He was a good boy, your son. Didn't even utter a sound. Oh, and well done for teaching him to be so clean. I like that."

If Masaharu's face could have darkened any more, it would have.

And suddenly, to the fore in Masaharu's mind, was the light reflecting off the patches on Matt's bed…the stitches in his arms…

_My baby…_

And the crying, the guilt, the pain of it…The seclusion, the depression and the scars his child would always carry, inside and out…

_You f raped my baby…_

And Matt's own words…

"I've tried, Goddammit, I've tried, but all I do is wrong! I can't even open my- God- Why can't I tell you!? I don't want this, I never wanted this, I never wanted this…"…

"I'm sorry…

"_You don't…hate me, do you?"…_

"Because he…he made me dirty… I-I'm damaged goods now…"… "I don't have to go to school tomorrow… Do I?"

And Masaharu, eyes blinded by his anger and pain, struck out at Gokansha. His eyes and mind rendered sightless by the all-emcompassing flash of fury, he lashed out again, and again, not even feeling the grazes on his fists.

The first he knew of reality biting, was the Principle trying to hold him back, trying to stop him from killing Mr Gokansha right there in the hallway. His breath came in deep gulps, and a tear left over from his sudden rage fell down his face.

"It's not worth it! You said it yourself!" The Principle yelled angrily. Masaharu looked down into the face of Mr Gokansha- and found him to be smiling. Aiming one more vicious kick to his head- which was intercepted by the Principle's boot- Masaharu found himself being dragged to the Principle's office.

"Sit down, Mr Ishida. Now." The Principle instructed. Masaharu did so, his eyes still filled with tears beyond human fury. The Principle too sat down, and tugged his suit jacket back into place irritably.

"You said it yourself…" the Principle said sternly. Masaharu nodded.

"And, for the record- I saw none of what just happened. And nor did anybody else." The Principle said briefly. Masaharu nodded from his seat, grateful.

"Do you want to know what Ms Kansatsu said to me before she left?" Mr Akimoto asked. Masaharu didn't respond; he was still trying to keep what he could of his shattered temper.

"Do you?"

Masaharu looked up, his eyebrows knitted in annoyance.

Mr Akimoto nodded.

"She said 'Nail the b.'"

* * *

_End of Chapter Three. Thank you very much for reading :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_**

* * *

**_

Red and White

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together._

* * *

_**Chapter Four**_

_Monday…_

Matt packed his bag carefully at the end of the last lesson. Tai watched him carefully- as he had done for the past two weeks or so. Matt responded without looking up,

"Stop staring, Tai. I'm fine."

"Me? I'm not staring." Sniffed Tai and carried on repacking his own stationary. Matt smiled quietly to himself.

"So… What are you doing after school?" Tai asked carefully, slinging his bag over his shoulder and looking wantonly towards the door. Matt sighed sharply.

"You _know _what I'm doing- I have to go get my stitches out."

"I was just wondering if you wanted company, that's all." Tai was still staring at the door.

"No, not really. Dad already offered to come- but he's had enough time off work over this already, and will probably have to have more off. Besides… I'm not sure how I'm gonna feel about them. My arms, I mean." Tai heard a lashing of nervousness in Matt's voice and turned to gaze over his shoulder at him as he stood.

"Well, then maybe I could come with you for that."

"For what?"

"For the moral support thing!"

"Oh. Nah. I'll be fine." Matt walked behind him as Tai headed towards the crush for the door.

"Okay." Tai sounded a little disappointed. Matt looked at him.

"What do you want to come for? It's not going to be that interesting; there's not even going to be anything horrible to look at."

_I don't know about that,_ Tai thought to himself.

"No, I don't care if I go with you or not." Tai sniffed, looking away to hide his delicate pout.

"Uh-huh?" Matt smiled slightly.

"Uh-huh. Not a problem." Tai said determinedly.

"Fine. You'd better come then." Matt grinned at his friend, who snapped his head around to stare angrily. Tai then sighed.

"Well, if you really want me to come…"

Matt rolled his eyes.

"Actually, you really _had _better come." Matt suddenly looked worried. Tai's attention was immediately caught by this as the headed down the corridor towards the staircase and freedom.

He didn't need to ask Matt why; Matt knew he was already asking him.

"I don't know if I'm gonna be alone in a room with somebody I don't know. I- don't like it yet."

"Fine. We'll take it as it comes." Tai nodded as they continued to walk.

There was a long pause between them as they wandered out to the main road.

"Thanks, Tai."

"I wish you'd stop saying that."

"Well, maybe I don't say it enough."

"Maybe you say it plenty."

_Just in your very own way…_ Tai finished mentally.

* * *

Matt watched closely, never moving, as the nurse cut away the bandages around his wrists. Gradually, the stitches became exposed. Matt watched, emotionlessly as she started to work on the stitches with a tiny pair of scissors.

"Tell me if it hurts, but it shouldn't."

Matt nodded. He remembered the black stitches throughout his lower arm from Thursday night.

Tai, on the other hand, had never seen them before. He watched silently from the corner of the room as the nurse carefully teased them out. His face was sullen- he didn't like the scars or the stitches, or the look on Matt's face at all.

He traced the livid red marks with his eyes. They were very deep scars, so Tai knew that when Matt had put them there, he'd really meant business. Mr Ishida had already told him that Matt almost died that night- _really _almost died.

He didn't like _that _either.

"_If he'd been there any longer Tai, we'd have lost him…"_

Tai didn't even know if Matt himself knew that.

Matt seemed suddenly to catch on to Tai's vibes and looked across at him. He smiled weakly. Tai gave the strongest smile he could in return and Matt, seemingly satisfied, returned to gazing at his arms.

"See? It doesn't hurt much, does it?" the nurse smiled crookedly at Matt, who glanced up to her and screwed up his face.

"Yeah… It does, actually."

"Well, we get taught to lie about that one." She winked. Carrying on, she muttered,

"This arm's nearly done now, anyway. Then we just have to do the other one."

"Mmm-hm."

Tai started to prowl slightly at the mention of pain. He strongly believed that Matt already had enough of that.

"Isn't there anything that'll make it not-hurt?" Tai's voice sounded strange in the relative peace of the room. The nurse laughed,

"Well, I _could _knock him out! But I'm not sure that'd help in the long run."

Matt smirked and Tai left it right there.

"Where's your dad today, Matt?" the nurse asked, trying to distract the boys a little bit.

"Working."

"Is that okay with you?" she asked carefully. Matt didn't move as he replied,

"Sure. I told him to go back."

"Didn't TK want to come?" Tai asked curiously, his eyes in the same place as Matt's- on his wrists.

"No. He didn't like the idea of seeing them just yet. But I 'have to go and show him later', apparently." Matt responded.

Tai was about to speak again, but Matt spoke first.

"Will they ever go away?" He asked the nurse suddenly. She looked confused.

"The scars." Matt prompted quietly. She looked him in the eye and smiled sadly.

"No. Not really. They won't always be so red, but they'll always be there."

"I guess I knew that." Matt mumbled.

Tai wanted to think of something to say, but couldn't. Nothing he could think of was appropriate. So he changed the subject.

"What movie are we gonna watch?"

"Hm?" Matt responded, confusion settling across his features.

"What movie?

"I still don't get it."

"We can go watch a movie or something. Or get a DVD- I'll pay. Whatever you want."

Matt pulled a pained face as one of the stitches came out roughly. Tai immediately froze- he was watching every little movement, taking in every little event and holding it inside him- he would make sure he never forgot this and never let it happen again.

"I don't care. You pick." Matt mumbled.

"Hm?" Tai had been distracted from his train of thought, and therefore it had derailed.

"Movie?" Matt prompted.

"Oh! Yeah…"

"Perfect Blue." Matt said, still watching the last of his stitches being pulled out.

"What?"

"Perfect Blue. S'posed to be a good movie."

"Are we old enough to buy that?"

"I think so."

"Sure. We'll go with that, then." Tai grinned, swinging his legs as he sat on a nearby table.

The nurse finished picking out the stitches a few moments later. After cleaning off any fragments of the stitches, she indicated for Matt to get out of the chair. He did so, gladly, and bowed slightly to the nurse.

"Well, take care, Matt." She smiled. Then she made a performance of ushering the boys out of the room.

"Come on, come on! You've got a movie to get! But I think you'll find you're too young to buy it by yourselves." She winked. Matt and Tai sighed theatrically as they stood outside in the hospital corridor.

"I didn't think we were old enough." Tai scowled. Matt shrugged.

"I don't much feel like a movie, anyway."

"Then what do you want to do?" Tai asked warmly. Matt looked sheepish.

"Go home? I know that's sad and stupid, but-"

"Home?!"

"Yeah."

"Feel safe at home?" Tai probed. Matt pulled a face, but didn't grace Tai with a reply.

"Okay. Let's take you home then." Matt must have imagined the upset in Tai's voice, because there really wasn't any. He fiddled with his scars and said,

"Sorry."

"Sorry, _what_?" Tai asked.

"_Sorry_.."

"You gotta stop being sorry." Tai huffed a little. "So far as I can see, you've got nothing to be sorry for!" Matt looked away.

"Man, I preferred it when you hit me over saying stuff like that…" Tai sniffed. Matt glanced up at him. A small smile played across his face. Lightly- but with enough power to show that it wasn't just a gesture, Matt punched Tai in the arm. He grinned.

"Better?"

"Stupidly, yeah." Tai lifted an eyebrow at his own strangeness and they left it at that.

"That's strange." Matt commented, scowling. "The door's not deadlocked." He took the key out of the deadlock and moved up to the top lock. He paused, the Yale key still in his front door.

_What if it's him? What if he's in my apartment and it's just me and Tai and oh, God, I can't go through this again, I can't, I can't, I cant-_

"You okay?" Tai asked at Matt's long pause.

_God, Tai, I'm afraid to open my own front door, for crying out loud!_

"Matt?" Tai's voice was more urgent this time.

"I'm fine, I'm…fine…"

_I can't open it Tai, I can't, I can't I can't-_

The door opened in front of Matt and he leapt backwards, leaving the keys jangling in the door- like his nerves. His dad stood in front of him, looking a good combination of surprised and concerned. He caught the tail end of the look Matt was trying to hide. His face lowered into that worried scowl Matt had grown so used to over the past few weeks.

"Okay?" He asked quietly. Matt nodded and slid past him into the apartment, flinging off his shoes on the way.

"Fine." He replied, harshly. He turned back to look at his dad as he turned to face him. Tai's head appeared around the side of the door.

"Come in Tai, don't just stand there." Masaharu said to the boy behind him. Tai nodded and entered the passageway, shutting the door behind him.

Sitting down in a chair and trying to mentally calm his rapid heartbeat, he took a deep breath and asked his father,

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Theoretically yes, but I wanted to be here when you came in from school. The police called me at work."

"Yeah? What did they have to say for themselves?" Matt asked bitterly. Tai continued to stand awkwardly in the corridor- unsure as to whether he should be there, or whether he should just leave.

"They want to see you. Take a statement."

"Great. So I have to perform for them, too? I feel like a circus act already, and we haven't gotten anywhere yet." Matt threw his keys across the table.

"You're not going to have a tantrum, are you?" Masaharu warned. Matt covered his face and shook his head.

"No."

"Good."

Matt sighed, folded his arms across his chest and slumped in the chair.

"When do they want to do it?" Masaharu didn't answer at first. Matt could only imagine one scenario for his father's lack of response.

"Not _now_?" Matt asked in disbelief. Masaharu nodded. Matt rubbed his face.

"Will _he _be there?"

Another long pause.

"I'm not going." Matt stated.

"Matt, I-"

"No! I'm not going!" Matt stood quickly and stormed to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Tai felt incredibly embarrassed. Despite wanting to put his shoes back on and slink away, he also wanted to make sure that Matt was all right.

"Dammit." Cursed Masaharu quietly. He stood, hands on his hips, looking at Matt's closed door.

Tai wanted to become part of the wall. As Masaharu turned, he saw Tai's embarrassed look.

"Sorry, Tai. Come in, sit down. Whilst I crowbar him out of that room."

Should I…be here?" Tai asked nervously. The hard look on Masaharu's face broke slightly, and he replied,

"It's up to you. You're welcome to stay- but when I can get him out of there, we'll be going to the police station. Unless you want to go there with us, then…"

Tai screwed up his face.

"No, not really. Just want to make sure he's okay." He mumbled. Masaharu strained to hear him, but smiled.

"Help yourself to the fridge. Oh, wait… on second thought, there might not be much in there. Anyway, what's in there, you can have."

"Thank you." Tai bowed slightly. Masaharu smiled.

"Thank you for being there for him."

Tai blushed.

"S'okay."

"No, I mean it. It's been hard for everybody, but you've been there. In fact, all of your friends have been. I know he's bad at showing it, but he does appreciate it.

"And so do I."

"S'okay." Tai glanced around the room, still blushing.

Masaharu grinned to himself and turned away, to face Matt's room again. He sighed inwardly.

Knocking on Matt's door before he entered, he closed the door behind him.

Tai watched. He _hated _being on the wrong side of closed doors.

Masaharu didn't approach his son for a moment. Matt was laying on the bed, facing away from the door- still wearing his jacket. His blonde hair was splayed all over the pillow and he curled tighter as he sensed his dad in the room.

"Matt?" Masaharu asked, walking forward to the bed and sitting on it.

"Matt's not home." Matt replied, his voice only just controlling his tears.

"Yes he is, he's just…hiding." Masaharu replied, tugging Matt's shoulder to make him turn over. Matt begrudgingly turned eventually. He sniffed and wiped the saltwater off his face. Masaharu shook his head.

"You want to get rid of him, don't you?"

"Yeah." Matt sniffed.

"Well, then we have to do this. He's not going to get a chance to do anything in a police station, is he? And if he did, the consequences wouldn't be worth it, trust me."

"S'not just…doing stuff, it's… being in the same building, maybe even the same room. I can't do it- it's…"

"It's hard."

"Yeah." Matt teared up again.

"I know. But what doesn't kill us-"

"-Makes us stronger. Yeah, right." Matt scowled.

"Didn't kill you." Masaharu offered.

"Yeah. Not quite. And there's still time." Matt laughed bitterly. Masaharu looked hurt at that comment. Matt slid his eyes away from his dad's face, slightly ashamed of what he'd just said.

"I know you wouldn't do that to me again. Would you?" Masaharu said quietly. Matt shook his head. Putting his hand up to his forehead, Matt caught sight of the scars on his arm.

"No. I wouldn't. S'not fair."

"Show me the scars." Masaharu said, holding his hands out for Matt's arms. Matt offered them, and Masaharu pulled him up to a sitting position with them. Turning Matt's hands skywards, he pushed back the sleeves and looked at the red scars on pale skin. He sighed.

"They'll fade."

"Yeah, but they won't go away." Tears filled Matt's eyes again. Masaharu gently rubbed his hand over the scars.

"No. They'll always be a reminder. But…"

"I'm even more damaged goods than he made me…" Matt wept suddenly, losing his resolve. Masaharu wrapped his son tight in his arms.

"I-I didn't think they would look so bad…I-I thought I might…get away with it, but they're horrible!" he sobbed. Masaharu shushed him gently.

"They're not as bad as you think, son. They're not."

"Yes, they _are_!" Matt screamed. He pushed at his dad, trying to get out of his hold, but Masaharu refused to let go. Matt gave up after a few tries and just sobbed in his dad's arms. Before the events of the past few weeks, the last time he'd done that, he'd been five.

"I don't care how 'damaged' you think you are- you're my son. I'll love you, no matter what happens. Come hell or high water, I'm still your dad."

Matt quietened for a moment.

"You…you mean it?"

"Silly boy- you know me better than that. How often do I tell you how I'm feeling inside?"

"About as often as _I_ tell _you_." Matt laughed lightly, all of a sudden. Masaharu smiled.

"That's better."

"What is?" Matt queried.

"That smile."

Matt buried his head in Masaharu's chest and groaned. Sadly, he asked, sniffing,

"Do I still have to go?"

"I'm afraid so, aiji." Matt was silent for a moment's thought. Then he spoke again,

"And you'll be there?" He sought desperately, trying to reassure himself.

"I will be. They're not allowed to talk to you or anything without me there."

"And you won't leave me there by myself or anything, no matter what happens?"

"Nope."

Matt was silent for a while. Still in his dad's arms, he felt he could fall asleep right there. It had been a hard day. He hadn't gone into school until late, but it was still his first proper attempt to get back into the real world. And then, what with the upset over the scars and having the stitches removed…

"You're tired, aren't you?" Dad's voice broke Matt's peace for a second.

"Mm-hmm." Matt replied.

"I'd tell the police to do it all tomorrow, but the sooner we can get it done, the better."

"I just want it all to go away…" Matt's voice was weak, but there were no tears evident. Masaharu sighed and turned his son, so that he could look him in the eye.

"That's how you got those scars on your arms."

"I know."

They paused, mentally feeling each other out for a moment. Eventually, Masaharu smiled, and said gently,

"Come on." He stood, half pulling his reluctant son off the bed. Matt wiped his face with his hand and sniffed once more.

"You know, you left poor Tai outside all on his own." Masaharu grinned.

"Is he still here?"

"Yup. He wanted to make sure you were okay." Matt smiled slightly.

"Stupid Tai." He mumbled quietly.

Tai tried to pretend he hadn't been watching the door as it opened. He rubbed his feet together in nervousness as he looked away- at any point in the room that said he hadn't _really_ been waiting with baited breath for his friend to emerge.

Matt sat down at the table where Tai was waiting. They heard keys rattle from the kitchen counter behind them, and Masaharu spoke gently.

"I'll be out in the car."

"Mm-hm." Matt replied.

After the door had clicked shut behind Masaharu, Matt turned to Tai. He said nothing, just smiled weakly.

"You okay?" Tai asked, picking at a minor scar in the table top. Matt nodded.

"Yeah."

"Sure?"

"Wouldn't say so if I wasn't."

"Wouldn't you?"

"Shut up, Tai."

Tai grinned. Matt scowled. Suddenly, he smacked Tai on the arm.

"Ow! _What_!?"

"Don't grin like that. That's your 'I won' grin." Matt reprimanded. Tai just grinned again to spite Matt. Matt smacked him once more and stood.

"Dad'll give you a ride home if you want. Sorry about…you know, wasting your time." Matt said, leaning on the table.

"No problem." Tai replied, and also stood. They walked towards the door, slipped their shoes on and walked out to the parking lot.

* * *

"Just stay here with me Matt, you'll be fine." Masaharu said as he nudged his son to the front of him, where he could see him at all times. Matt felt overpowered by the grey of the corridors that they walked through They were following the policeman who had been allocated to take them to an interview room.

The cold, fluorescent lights above them cast no shadow. They were 'daylight' bulbs- somebody's idea of taking the yellowness out of the light they gave. All well and good, but all this did was make them even more uninviting. The brown, ruckled carpet- fastened with gaffer tape in places- was a sign of the lack of funds to the police force in general.

Matt tried to stop the sinking feeling in his stomach as he and his dad were lead into a room- again, with the same boring carpet and grey walls and unfriendly light. They were told to sit down at the table- they would be joined very shortly by the officer in charge of the case.

After a moment's silence, Matt spoke,

"They're not actually going to interrogate me, are they?"

"No. They've no reason to. All they want is your side of the story. They'll ask you to tell it, then they'll write it down and ask you to sign it. Or rather, me to sign it because you're not old enough yet."

"That's all?"

"Yup. That's all."

Masaharu indicated that Matt should take off his jacket, and helped his nervous son out of it, putting it on the back of his chair. Sitting back down, Matt clutched his hands together and stared at them.

"It's like sitting an exam." He joked carefully.

"Yeah, except you can't fail this." Masaharu smiled. Matt lifted an eyebrow.

"Hey, when was the last time I-"

He was interrupted by a plain clothed officer entering the room, a colleague in tow. Matt was immediately silenced by their presence.

Masaharu stood and bowed, tapping his son on the arm to remind him that he should do the same. Matt did so, and the police officers returned the bows by nodding their heads. They all sat down.

"I'm Detective Constable Hagiwara and this is Detective Constable Inoguchi." One of the detectives started to play around with the tape recorder in the room. Matt looked at it nervously.

"Are you going to have that on?"

"Yes we are, Yamato."

When the officer had finished with the tape recorder, he sat back down whilst Detective Hagiwara spoke over the noise of him scraping his chair.

"Interview with Ishida Yamato regarding case 111542. Parent Ishida Masaharu present as representative of minor. Time 18.42, date 21st September 2000.

"Now, Matt. Tell us your side of the story."

Matt then went on to tell them as much as he could remember about the day his normal life had abruptly ended. Through various points he found himself shaking, but was comforted with his father's hand at his elbow. When he had finally finished after much stumbling and one or two good attempts at fighting back tears, Detective Hagiwara asked,

"Now, are you sure all this happened?"

Matt blinked.

"Of course I'm sure."

"I mean, it _is _a man's reputation you're taking in your hands here. If we were to find out that you were lying-"

"I'm _not _lying." Matt insisted, a frown appearing on his forehead.

"After all, you might have a grudge against him- there could be any number of reasons. After all, you're a little boy, Yamato- you might need the-"

"I'm not lying!" Matt cried, standing angrily.

"-Attention, please let me finish. Detective Hagiwara said, strictly.

"I thought this was supposed to be a statement-taking exercise- not an attempt to grill the boy to death." Masaharu's voice boomed slightly in the room at his irritation.

"How can I have a _grudge_ against a teacher I'd only had for two lessons!"

"Stranger things have happened, Yamato." Detective Inoguchi piped up for the first time.

"Why would I _lie_?" Matt said weakly, his father gently pulling him back down to his seat. Detective Hagiwara spoke again.

"Boys don't get raped, Yamato. Girls get raped. How can a-"

"Trust me, they _can_." Matt's voice shook with anger and pain.

"Boys don't get raped.

"I mean, what fun could a rapist possibly have with a _boy_?"

"And you'd know, I suppose?" Masaharu said angrily, getting frustrated with the turn that this interview had taken.

"You'd have to ask _him_. I certainly didn't enjoy it." Matt's tears fell down his shirt.

"Why didn't you tell anybody earlier, Yamato? When we could have checked you for body fluids and signs of abuse?" Detective Inoguchi asked.

Matt didn't reply.

"Yamato?"

"Because I was frightened." Matt wiped new tears out of his eyes.

"Well, surely telling somebody would have allayed that fear?" Inoguchi suggested.

"I couldn't…"

"Why not? Because you had to work out the details of your lie?"

"I'm _not _lying!! Matt screamed and thrust his arms on the table, wrists up.

"Is that a lie!? Did I lie about that, did I do _that _just to emphasise a _lie_!?" The scars seemed all the more deep and red and ferocious for the white light.

"Yamato, sit down!" yelled one of the detectives, but Matt was far too wild to know which one.

"Matt…" Masaharu said gently, standing and pulling his weeping son back to his seat."

"Why don't you believe me…?" Matt wept, covering his face with his hands. "Why don't you _believe_ me...?" Masaharu tried to hold Matt, but he wouldn't even let his own father touch him.

"Why don't you _believe_ me!? I didn't do anything wrong, I went to school and had lessons like I do every day- I didn't-"

_I didn't ask for this…_

_But I must have deserved it. _Matt's mind moved in a checkmate against him.

He looked up at the adults that surrounded him, looked at the worried expression on his father's face- and bolted.

Out of the room, across the hallway, down the dismal grey stairs and into a section of the police station he hadn't been through on the way in. He was too emotional to realise where he was, and didn't dare remember why.

"Matt!" Masaharu instantly followed his son, but Matt was much more lithe than his father and he'd out-paced him in just a few moments.

"_Kuso_!" Masaharu cursed.

The two detectives followed him out of the room.

"Feisty one, isn't he?" Hagiwara grimaced wickedly.

"_Damn _you!" Masaharu turned on his heels and yelled at them. "What was all that about!? You said you wanted to take a statement, not interrogate him until he gave you the answer you wanted! For God's sake, he's a child, dammit, and you just made his already difficult life _worse_! You _b!_" he shouted, not quite realising or caring exactly the power the two men had. Without waiting for an answer, he turned again and raced down the stairs after his anguished child, calling his name all the way.

Matt stopped suddenly, finding many police officers staring at him. Suddenly, they moved towards him and Matt ran again- not knowing where he was going and not caring, just wanting to be away from everything…

Suddenly, realisation hit him so hard he saw stars before his eyes.

_My dad! Where's my dad!? I'm not safe if I'm not with Dad!!_

"Dad!? _Dad!!_" Matt screamed, running and running until he ran straight into a very strong somebody. The coat was a familiar colour, and the cologne was unmistakably-

"Dad…" Matt sobbed, throwing his arms around his father and crying uncontrollably. He dropped to his knees and Masaharu instantly dragged him back up to his feet and hugged him tightly. Masaharu looked over his son's shoulders to find too many of Tokyo's police force staring silently.

"Go away." He said angrily, waving them away with his hand. He turned Matt away from the prying eyes and found himself facing a mirrored glass panel. He looked into it and found himself staring into the reflections of Hagiwara and Inoguchi.

"Go _away_." He growled, stark warning unmistakable in his voice.

* * *

"I didn't know it would be like that, or I'd never have let them do it." Masaharu said to his son as they drove down the freeway. Matt didn't reply- just continued to stare blankly out of the window to the asphalt.

_I wonder if it would hurt…? To jump out of the car now into the lanes of traffic…? I wonder if it would have time to hurt…?_

"Matt?"

No reply.

"Matt, you have to believe me."

There was a long silence, and eventually Masaharu sighed and fell silent.

After a while, Matt spoke quietly.

"_You _believe _me_, don't you?"

"Of course I do. I know you wouldn't lie- certainly not about something like that."

"He _did_. He _did _do that thing to me."  
"I know, son."

They were silent again for a while. Matt rested his head on the seatbelt and gazed back out at the hard, grey road.

"Can you drop me off at Mom's?" Matt asked, without turning his head. Masaharu glanced across at Matt. His reply was guarded.

"Why?"

"Wanna see TK."

"You know Mom's not in?"

"Yeah. I know."

"She's out at some…meeting…" Masaharu scowled.

"I know."

"Okay."

Some time later, they pulled up outside TK's apartment building. Matt looked up at TK's floor, to see if the lights were on.

"He's in."

"Okay. Do you want me to go up with you?"

"No. I'll be fine."

"Take your jacket." Masaharu indicated it on the back seat, and Matt reached over the front seat to get it. Masaharu had gone back to the interview room to retrieve it, giving semi-intentional filthy looks to everybody on the way.

"Call me when you want to be picked up, okay?" Masaharu insisted. Matt climbed out of the car, without turning to face his dad.

"I will."

"Have you got your cell phone?"

"I'll call from Mom's." was Matt's reply. Finally, he turned to his dad and forced a smile through the open car window.

"See you later."

"Take care, the both of you."

"We will."

TK's bored face was fixed on the TV screen. It was a _very _trashy movie.

"But-but I love you- you can't leave me!"

"I'm sorry Eriko, but I don't have a choice!"

"Oh, Akio…" The TV exclaimed. TK screwed up his face.

"Bleech…" he muttered, switching channels. His attention was caught immediately by the knock on the door.

"Mom wouldn't knock." TK murmured.

"Nor would robbers." Piped up Patamon, who was lounging on the sofa next to his friend. TK grinned.

"You're still not used to Tokyo, are you?"

TK stood carefully and approached the door. Before he could look through the spy hole, he heard his brother's voice.

"TK, it's me. Let me in."

"Sure, just a second." TK called through the door, clicking back the lock. He opened the door to find Matt standing, guarded, on the doorstep. He sensed an imbalance in his brother, but tried to push it away and act normally- all the while monitoring it where he could.

TK stood back to allow Matt access, and then walked back to the front room, leaving Matt to shut the door behind him.

"Why have 100 channels when there's nothing but junk on all of them?" TK asked lightly, looking back at Matt. Matt didn't speak- his head was lowered.

"What's wrong?" TK asked, uncomfortable with his brother's general lack of attention-span.

"Nothing." Matt forced a smile and lifted his head. He brushed his hair out of his face with his hand, and TK noticed the scars. His face immediately changed. Even Patamon, who was watching from afar, took a deep breath.

"Is that them?" TK asked, nervous of his brother's reaction. Matt glanced up at his wrist and nodded.

"Can I see them? Properly?" TK asked gently. Matt nodded, and rolled back his jacket and shirt sleeves. TK stared hard at the marks on his brother's wrists. They trailed almost all the way to the crook of his arm- thick and deep and dark. TK took Matt's arms and turned them around in the light. His expression was sad, and there was a glimmer of water on his eyelids.

"I'm sorry…" he said, covering them back up.

"They're horrible." Matt whispered.

"I don't care if they are. You're still you, scarred or not." TK confirmed.

"Am I?" asked Matt, tears in his eyes. TK scowled fretfully.

"You are to _me_." He looked up into his brother's eyes and found darkness setting up home inside them.

"Sit." TK instructed, and Patamon leapt off the sofa to allow Matt to sit down. Matt did so, no change in his expression. Patamon leapt up to sit beside him.

"Could you get me a drink please, TK?" Matt whispered, his throat suddenly feeling as dry as rice paper. TK was crouched over so that he could see Matt's face- even though he was trying to hide it.

"Sure. What do you want?" TK asked.

"Jus' water." Matt replied, his voice no more than a broken shell.

"I'll be right back." TK replied and immediately headed for the kitchen.

"Me too!" Patamon squeaked, and leapt off the sofa to follow TK.

TK ran the water for a while to clear the tap before he put the glass into the stream.

"Do you want me to get Gabumon?" Patamon asked TK quietly. TK shrugged.

"Matt'll be fine, I think. But I wish Gabumon _was_ here, he always knows what to do with him. Anyway, how would you get him?"

"I could go get Yolei and we could see if she can use her-"

"They didn't believe me." They were interrupted by Matt's broken voice. TK turned off the tap and, with a worried frown, walked back into the front room.

Matt was standing in the centre of the room, hugging one of Mom's scatter cushions. He looked up at TK as he entered, and TK was instantly halted by the look of despair on Matt's face.

"They didn't believe me."

"Who didn't?" TK asked worriedly, still with the glass in his hands. Matt started to pace up and down the room.

"The people at the police station. They didn't believe me. They said I made it all up."

"Why would they think that?! I mean, you didn't, I_ know_ you didn't…"

"That's what I said…I said, why wouldn't they believe me? I didn't lie… I-I was ab-bused, I didn't…I wouldn't _lie_ about that TK, I never wanted it to happen…" Matt sniffed into the cushion. TK put the glass of water down on the floor and approached his brother very carefully.

"I mean, you believe me don't you? I didn't lie… I didn't…" Matt begged, and TK could hear pain boiling to the surface.

"Of course I believe you…I know you wouldn't lie…" TK said, moving closer again to his pacing brother.

"Go away! Don't come near me, because you'll get dirty!!" Matt screamed, and TK leapt back- sensing that Matt was close to the edge and that if he wanted him to step back from it, he was going to have to be very careful.

"I can't- can't live my life like this! All the time he's out there, I'm wondering it he'll come back- if he'll get me when I'm alone in the apartment, o-or if I'm with my friends…Or here with you, and he might get both of us and I'd never, ever forgive myself…"

"There's no danger here, Matt. We're safe; he couldn't get in if he tried." TK soothed gently, waiting for a chance to get close again. He was scared. He hadn't ever seen Matt this upset, and was greatly frightened by it. Any wrong move he made right now might haunt him for the rest of his life.

"He should have killed me…I wish he'd killed me…" Matt continued to weep into the cushion.

"And now, I've got these scars… And they're horrible… And…Nobody will ever want me, because I'm no good for anything… I can't even kill myself properly! I just… I'm so… And…

"And I'm sick of crying!!" Matt sobbed, closing his eyes and letting his tears fall freely.

"Matt? Let me-" TK tried to move towards Matt again, desperately wanting to comfort him.

"No!! Get _away_ from me, can't you see?! I'm _filthy_!" Matt screamed, throwing the cushion across the room- into Mom's new vase, which fell to the floor and cracked down the middle.

"See?! I break everything, I ruin _everything_, I wish I was _dead_!" Matt screamed, falling down to his knees and hiding his face in his hands. He sobbed hopelessly, totally broken by the experiences of the day.

"_I_ don't..." TK's voice shook with emotion as he approached his brother for a third time.

"I…I just w-want m-my life back…" Matt sobbed as he rocked himself back and forth, back and forth in the middle of the carpet.

Finally, he let TK touch him- which was just as well, because TK had decided that no matter what, he wasn't going to let Matt push him away this time. As he hugged his brother, Matt continued to sob.

"I…w-want m-my life b-back…"

"I know…I know you do…" TK soothed, holding his brother as tight as he could without suffocating him.

"Y-you believe me, d-don't you? You h-have to believe me, I didn't lie, I didn't lie, I didn't, I didn't-" Matt sobbed, taking in gulps of air between each 'I didn't'.

"I believe you, I believe you…I believe you…I believe you, you're my brother, my onii-chan, I believe you…" It was all TK could do to stop his tears entering his voice.

TK held his brother until he couldn't cry any more, until one more tear would have dehydrated him completely. Even after that they sat, rocking, for a good fifteen minutes.

"I'm sorry…" Matt uttered to his brother. TK cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

"S'okay. It's okay…"

They heard the door lock click out of and into place, and Mom's voice call,

"TK, I'm home!" Patamon rapidly made himself scarce to TK's room. The boys heard Mom walk through the entrance corridor- and gasp as she entered the front room. Natsuko's voice was full of worry.

"What's wrong? TK, what's happened? Matt?!" TK shook his head- clearly still too emotional and scared to speak about what had happened. Natsuko dropped her bag instantly to the floor and wrapped an arm around each of her boys.

"What's happened? Come on, tell me…" Matt finally relinquished his grip on TK and turned to Mom instead. She continued to rock him gently, as TK had done- but she could hug more of him, as she was bigger than TK. She stroked his face and shushed him gently, all the time wearing an intensely worried expression.

TK wandered confusedly over to where he had put down the water and brought it back, proffering it with both hands to whichever of the two would take it. Natsuko took it, and offered it to her eldest son, putting the glass to his lips and more or less forcing him to take the water. She passed the glass back to TK.

"You believe me, right, Momma?" Matt whispered through his raw throat. Natsuko nodded, mostly in the act of humouring her weak son, as she still had no idea what was going on.

"Of course I do, baby…Of course I do…"

Coaxing him up to his weak feet, she helped him into the bathroom, where she dampened a washcloth and wiped his swollen face gently with it. She pressed it over his forehead, over his cheeks. Rinsing it in cold water again, she pressed it gently over his eyes.

"Talk to me, hm? Tell me what happened, baby… Tell me why you're so upset…"

She lead him out of the bathroom by the hand, still with the cloth in her other hand. Sitting down on the sofa, she lifted her arms out to Matt to pull him down beside her. Hugging her side, he curled up next to her and closed his eyes. She placed the washcloth on his forehead and held it again. After wiping two of Matt's errant tears away with the washcloth and putting it on the arm of the sofa, she kissed Matt's forehead gently.

"We love you, baby…"

TK watched, still stunned, and feeling very dry himself.

He sat himself down at Mom's feet and she brushed his hair with her free hand, always keeping one arm wrapped around her eldest son.

"TK? Tell me what happened."

TK shook his head, still stunned beyond making much sense.

"I…don't know… Not…not for sure, anyway. I just went outside to get him a drink and…and he just lost it. He kept saying about how 'they' didn't believe him. He said that he'd gone to the police station-"

"Did anything happen to him?" Natsuko asked anxiously. "Why did he go to the police station?"

"N…t'k me…" Matt tried to answer, but his voice was gone almost completely.

"What, baby?"

"Dad took me." Matt forced, his words barely audible. "Police…wanted a statement…" Tears filled Matt's eyes again. Natsuko hugged her beleaguered little boy tighter and shushed him gently.

"They…they didn't believe me…" He wept.

"Maybe they were just trying to make sure-"

"No. They didn't believe me…" Matt interrupted, absolutely sure of this. Natsuko wiped Matt's face again with the facecloth.

"We'll make them believe you, angel. We will. We know you're telling the truth."

"You _do_ believe me, don't you Momma?"

"Of course I do. I've seen the pain you're in. I believe you." She gently kissed the top of his head.

They all sat silently for a while. Matt tried to concentrate on the fact that he was being comforted by his mother, and not on the fact that the police hadn't believed his story. He was starting to realise that he'd had another breakdown- like he had the day he came out of hospital. He hadn't meant to- but who ever did?

TK, attempting to recover somewhat, and trying to put a brave face on his own upset, smiled at his brother and asked,

"Wanna watch a movie?"

Matt looked down at TK and pulled a face.

"C'mon. You pick." TK encouraged. Matt looked up at his mother, to see what her opinion was.

"See if there's something on pay-per-view. Come on, you may as well seeing as you're here." She smiled at him.

"Want me to see what's on?" TK stood up unsteadily- his legs had quite given up on him earlier in his worry and shock- and hurried over to get the remote control.

Matt buried his head into Mom and sighed. She put her hand on his cheek gently.

"Shall I tell Dad you're staying here tonight? Hmm? Stay here with TK and me, watch a movie and then go to bed. See what you feel like in the morning."

"Please? It'd be nice having you here." TK smiled encouragingly, quietly begging that his brother would say yes. If he was here, TK could do his best to cheer him up. If he was at home with Dad- well, then Dad was the only company he had. And sometimes… Lots of times…It'd be nice to have Matt with him- like he'd always been when they were younger. He missed not having his big brother with him a lot of the time- even after seven years of being in separate homes.

Matt smiled.

"I'll take that as a yes." TK grinned, and ran into the kitchen on hyperdrive to get various nibbly things and cans of soda. What he didn't realise until he was out there, was that he was still shaking.

Twenty minutes in, it was the universal opinion that 'Unbreakable' was a pretty good movie- even though a lot of it didn't make any sense yet.

Twenty minutes after that, and Matt was asleep in Mom's lap.

* * *

Matt woke to find himself wearing a borrowed T-shirt and his brother having just sat down by his side on the bed.

"How you doin'?" TK asked.

"Don't know yet. 'T's too early." Matt sighed, rolling onto his back and throwing an arm over his eyes.

"Mom wants to know if you're going to school."

Matt shrugged.

"Should I take that as a no?"

Matt shrugged again.

TK grinned.

"You missed a good movie. The bad guy was the-"

"Don't _tell_ me, in case I get another chance to watch it!" Matt chided his little brother, scowling from beneath his arm. TK still grinned.

"It was a _good_ movie."

They were silent for a minute. TK moved to get up, and was about to speak when Matt said,

"I really…I was really out of it last night, wasn't I?" TK's face fell, and he took a moment to answer.

"It's okay. It was-"

"I was though. Wasn't I?"

"Yeah. A little." TK conceded.

"A _lot_." Matt corrected. "I'm sm-!" Matt was interrupted by his brother practically throwing himself on top of the bedcovers and slapping a hand over his mouth.

"Stop saying _sorry_!" TK exclaimed, taking his hand away. Matt smiled a little. They paused as TK rolled off the bed onto the floor.

"Thanks for the Tee." Matt tugged at the shirt. TK shrugged.

"Sure."

Matt was silent, and when TK got up off the floor, he discovered his brother wiping tears out of his eyes. TK sagged.

"No, don't do that when I've got to go to school… You can't get upset when I'm not here to make you feel better…" he fretted, tugging Matt's hands away from his face.

"I'll be _fine_…" Matt sniffed in response. "You've done enough. I've made a big enough mess of-"

"You think I think less of you because of last night?" TK interrupted, hitting the nail straight on the head. Matt looked at him, shock in his eyes.

"I don't think any less of you for it. I'm your brother- what kind of brother would I be if I couldn't accept that you were very, very upset, and for good reason? Sure, you frightened me- I wouldn't lie about that. But more than anything else, I'm mad at myself for not being able to make it better." TK explained, and suddenly he was engulfed by his older brother. TK hugged Matt back and quietly they sat there, in a mirror of how they had been the night before. This time though, they were both more calm and controlled.

"Onii-chan…" TK sighed. "I wish I could make it better…"

"You _do_…" Matt sniffed. " I've told you that before."

"Yeah…" TK smiled a little at the thought. "You have, haven't you?"

"Yes." Matt let his brother go and wiped his face with the back of his hand. "You just like _hearing _it." He smiled, and the end of his words developed into a gentle laugh. TK grinned widely.

"Everybody likes to be needed!" He exclaimed, and Matt promptly attempted to wrestle him off the bed. Eventually he succeeded, but had to sacrifice his own place to do it. Between them, they quickly ended up in a pile on the floor, arms and legs akimbo.

Suddenly, they heard the door click and Mom was standing in the doorway.

"What are _you_ two doing?" She asked, hands on her hips. Matt looked up at Mom, slightly shocked, and TK just laughed.

"Don't ask us; we don't know!" He giggled, and Matt took inspiration from TK and laughed too. Mom raised an eyebrow.

"So it would seem." She replied, a quiet smile transforming her mouth. TK tried to untangle himself from his brother and leapt back as Matt aimed a gentle slap at his cheek.

"You-!" TK started and jumped forward to start the play-fight again, when Mom's authoritative voice broke through their reverie.

"TK, you've got to go to school. Matt?"

Matt looked regretfully at his brother and pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"Are you going to school?" Natsuko asked gently. Matt sighed deeply.

"I guess."

"If you don't feel up to it, don't go." Natsuko suggested. "Don't force it." Matt picked at his fingers and looked around the room.

"You don't want to go, do you?" Mom asked. Matt shook his head.

There was a pause, and Matt tried to strike up a compromise.

"Maybe I could go in later? I've missed so much work already…" he offered.

"Okay, well… You seem a lot better than you were yesterday. Take the morning off and go in for the afternoon. Ask Dad if he'll take you and pick you up. Or I'll ask him, whichever way you want it."

"Does he know about last night?" Matt asked hesitantly. Natsuko looked apologetic.

"I had to tell him, Matt. He was worried. And it was only fair."

"I know." Matt replied quietly.

"Will you be all right if I take TK to school? I'll only be a few minutes…" Natsuko asked.

"No Mom, it's okay- I'll walk." TK offered, looking earnestly at his mother. "You stay here with Matt."

"I don't need to be looked after." Matt frowned slightly. "I'm not a baby. I'm just… I don't need to be watched all the time. I won't do it again."

There was silence.

"Take TK to school."

"But-!" TK protested, but was silenced by a dangerous look from his brother.

"Take TK to school." Matt repeated.

Natsuko was silent for a moment- then she sighed.

"I won't be long." She said finally. TK looked worriedly across at his brother, but Natsuko led him from the room without another word.

When they were outside the room, TK asked quietly,

"How come you're leaving him here? He just…you didn't see him last night, Mom, he-"

"We have to trust him, TK. It's hard for all of us. But if he feels he can't be trusted, it might just make the problems worse. Understand?"

"Yeah. I guess. I just… I've never seen him like that, Mom. Never. Never want to, never again…" A look of pain crossed TK's features and Mom suddenly wrapped her arms around her youngest son.

"_You _have been very brave and supportive of your brother and I'm proud of you. You've done really well in really hard circumstances."

"But I can't make it better…" sniffed TK- last night's forgotten tears finally finding their way to the surface. Mom looked in shock down at her son.

"Don't cry, baby. Nobody can make it better… Not right away. But you've done all you can, and more than anybody ever expected of you.

"And you know that your brother is very sensitive to you and your interactions, right? Always has been." Natsuko reminded with a smile. TK grinned a little at that and wiped the tears out of his eyes.

"Yeah. I know."

"And you've always adored him. Haven't you?"

"Yeah. I know." TK repeated. He blushed and grinned a little wider. Natsuko smiled and lead her son towards the living room gently, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

"Matt'll be fine. He will. I'll be back before he knows it anyway."

Matt listened to gentle voices around the apartment as he lay in the bed. He had climbed back in to doze for a little while- after all, he was only going to school for the afternoon, right?

He couldn't hear what was being said, but he'd been sure at one point that he could hear TK crying. He didn't like that idea. Not at all.

_I'm doing it again. I'm making my little brother cry. I hate that. I _hate _that._ _I hate that it's my fault TK's upset. I hate that I made Dad upset, and Mom… And I still can't believe Tai cried for me, either. That was…strange. I never thought he'd do that._

_I just want to be normal again. Okay, so being a digidestined has never been normal, but I was a lot more normal before _this _happened._

Suddenly, he felt an ache deep in his heart, and remembered how much he missed Gabumon.

_Gabumon was always there when I needed him. It's not fair to rely on TK and Tai all the time. I want Gabumon to be with me, too… I need my Digimon…_

Tears filled Matt's eyes.

_Gabumon would protect me. Gabumon would have been able to protect me from _him _in the first place, and this need never have happened. Oh, Gabumon… I really, really need you…_

Gabumon's eyes flicked open. He sat up, rubbing his eyes, and gazed around the area he'd been designated to. It was all wrong somehow. The colours didn't quite seem right, the shades seemed dull and old. Something was wrong, and as he got to his feet an image of Matt flashed into his mind.

"Matt…" Gabumon whispered and instantly knew that his discomfort was down to the pain of his human friend. He gazed across the horizon, the bright morning sunlight insulting his unexpected sadness. He felt incredibly lonely all of a sudden- and wandered off to find Agumon or Tentomon or… anybody.

The Digiworld seemed empty that morning. Not even a Tsubamemon disturbed the silence, their gentle twittering normally around to be heard this early. Gabumon was worried.

"Why isn't there anybody here? Why can't I-"

"Gabumon!" yelled Agumon from behind him, startling the unexpecting Gabumon.

"Agumon! What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why, should there be?" Agumon asked. "I was just glad to see you, that's all."

"No. I guess there shouldn't be." Gabumon smiled weakly. Agumon walked closer to his friend, his expression growing concerned.

"Are you okay, buddy?" Agumon asked, wrapping an arm around Gabumon. He sighed, and replied,

"I'm worried about Matt."

"He's been really strange, hasn't he?" Agumon pondered. Gabumon turned to face his friend.

"I know something's not right. I don't know what 'rape' is, but it can't be anything very nice. He says that's what happened to him.

"It's not like Matt to give in to the darkness in his heart. He normally fights it all off- but this time was different. He hurt himself on purpose, Agumon- and I wasn't there to protect him and help him. That makes me feel bad." Gabumon looked dejected.

"I know what you mean- if I wasn't there for Tai, I'd be upset, too. Luckily that's never happened yet, but…" Agumon fretted.

"I know he's not happy right now- and I can't get to him. Can you understand how that feels? I feel like such a failure…" Gabumon's melancholy deepened.

"Well, why don't I ask Tai what 'rape' is? He talks to Matt a lot- maybe he'll tell us?" Agumon suggested.

"I don't know… Maybe. Maybe I could do something about it then, maybe I could find some way to protect him- to get all that guy's other stuff out of Matt's mind…"

* * *

Masaharu had been in the store for half an hour. It had taken him ten minutes to find the DVD in question, and it had taken him up until now to decide what to do about it. After having read the back of the DVD three times, he was still pondering.

_Does he even know what this is about? A psychological thriller? Is that _really _what he needs right now?_

Masaharu tapped the DVD box on his hand and read the back again.

_Perfect Blue, huh? I bet it is perfectly blue, too. Technically, he's not even old enough to _watch_ this…_

_But I guess that never stopped me or him before. _

Masaharu remembered something Matt had said in the hospital to him- the night before his release.

"_I just want it all to be normal again…"_

Masaharu screwed his eyes shut.

_Well, I know I should treat him like everything's normal…But it's not. And it's very hard when all I want to do it hide him away…_

"Sir? Can I help you?" an assistant approached Masaharu- he was now being considered a suspicious character by the staff, and suddenly he realised it.

"Uhm..Hi. Yes, um… What can you tell me about this movie?" He showed her the front of the box to hide the embarrassment. She smiled.

"Oh, 'Perfect Blue'? It's a good movie. The ending is really good- you won't be able to predict it. And the psychological part is done well- good animation, but a lot of it doesn't make much sense at first. It's the kind of movie that you have to watch two or three times to really understand it."

_Why does Matt want to watch this anyway? Maybe I'm making a mistake- I wonder if-_

"You don't know if there are any other titles similar to this on release, do you?" Masaharu asked. The assistant looked confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just wondering if I've got the titles to the movies mixed up. I'm buying it for somebody else, and I'm not sure this is the one…"

"No, sir- I don't recall any other movies being released under a similar sounding title- not recently, anyway." She smiled politely, but Masaharu got the feeling he was graciously being asked to stop making the place look messy. He handed her the DVD case.

"Can I take that, please?"

* * *

_End of Chapter Four. Thank you very much for reading :)_


	5. Chapter 5

_****_

Red and White

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together._

* * *

_**Chapter Five**_

…_and the door opened and in the room, was a small wooden box. There was nothing else in the room except the box and it's pedestal. He looked at it, and approached it gently, hearing noises coming from it. The room suddenly darkened. He opened the box, breathing deeply._

_Inside, was his digivice. He checked his side frantically- positive that it had been right there on him only moments before. He reached in to pick it up, and a small red light-_

Matt opened his eyes instantly as he felt the bed move a little, and heard the gentle chink of keys. The dream was broken. He found himself looking up at his father, who smiled slightly when he saw his son's open eyes. He was propping himself up either side of Matt with his arms.

"Okay?"

"Mm."

"Good sleep?"

"I guess."

"That good, huh?" Masaharu smiled. Matt grimaced slightly in return. Out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed his mother in the doorway. He waved slightly to acknowledge her. She smiled in reply.

Masaharu sat back on the bed and tugged at the bedclothes slightly.

"Mom told me about last night." Masaharu said gently.

"I'm sorry." Matt replied eventually. Masaharu tutted and shook his head.

"That's not why I said it. I want you to know that _I _believe you- no matter who else doesn't. And I know that Mom believes you. And TK. And Tai. And the rest of your friends- Joe, Izzy, Davis- they all believe you.

"We all believe you. And we always will, no matter how hard it gets to prove it."

Matt was silent. He looked up at his dad morosely. Then he smiled.

"Thank you." He replied. Masaharu shrugged.

"No problem." Masaharu grabbed Matt's ankle through the bedcovers and asked,

"Are you going to school this afternoon?" Matt pulled a face and sighed.

"I guess so."

"Well, I got you that for after school- maybe you can ask some of your friends around to watch it, too. But not TK- he's not old enough." Masaharu handed the previously unnoticed small bag to his son.

"Is that the one?" He asked, as the confusion on Matt's face lifted. He grinned.

"Yeah, that's the one! How did you know?" He looked at the DVD in his hands.

"I remembered you saying something about it before."

"I don't remember that…"

"I'm surprised _I_ did!" Dad grinned. Matt smiled slyly,

"Me too. Thanks."

"Sure."

Masaharu got to his feet and stretched.

"Come on- I brought a clean uniform. Up you get." Matt sighed and protested by grumbling a little, but eventually got to his feet.

"Do they know why I'm gonna be late?" Matt asked, walking towards the door and Mom.

"I called them already."

"You didn't- you didn't tell them that I-" Matt asked, suddenly panicky.

"I didn't tell them any more than they needed to know, honey." Natsuko

smiled. "Come on- get Dad out of your room, and I'll bring your uniform in."

Masaharu soon found himself sitting in Natsuko's kitchen.

"Have you managed to sort anything out yet?" Natsuko asked, handing him a cup of coffee.

"Hhhh-ow-how-hot…!" Masaharu exclaimed, putting the coffee cup quickly down on the table.

"No." he replied, nursing his fingers slightly, with a frown on his face. Natsuko sat down opposite her ex-husband.

"So. What are we going to do?"

"_We_?" Masaharu asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"Yes, _we_. He's my son, too. He can't go on like this- he needs some sort of counselling, some kind of help that…that we aren't giving him. You didn't see the fit he threw last night. I didn't catch all of it, but I still saw more than enough."

"I might not have seen that one… But I have seen him do it." Masaharu sighed, knowing he was about to be severely chastened for not telling his ex-wife this before.

"What?" Natsuko asked. "You mean, this has happened before? And you didn't see anybody about-"

"He doesn't _want _to see anybody. You know what Matt's like." Masaharu interrupted.

"Yes. Pig-headed, like you." Natsuko looked annoyed. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Because he felt it was a dirty secret- he didn't want anybody to know."

"When did it happen?" Natsuko gazed into her coffee mug before she sipped a little more from it.

"The day he came home from hospital." Masaharu closed his eyes as he desperately tried to forget the fear and upset of those moments. "He threw a tantrum about me…about me hiding all the knives and taking out all the dangerous stuff-"

"Oh, you didn't…" Natsuko squeezed her eyes shut.

"What did you expect me to do? I couldn't just leave all that stuff hanging around- right then, we didn't know what was wrong or if he'd try to hurt himself again! What was I _supposed _to do?" Masaharu defended angrily. Natsuko sighed and conceded,

"No. You're right. I would probably have done the same."

"He nearly ripped the bathroom cabinet right off the wall- then locked himself in the bathroom and had a crying fit for an hour."

They were silent for a few moments. The quiet was punctuated by the ticking of the second hand on the kitchen clock- tick…tick…tick…

"What are we going to do?" Natsuko asked sadly- the same question she had asked at the beginning of the conversation. Masaharu shook his head.

"I don't know."

Tick…tick…tick…

"I don't know how to get the police to believe him. I didn't get a wink of sleep last night for thinking about it- but I still didn't come up with any answers. We don't have any photographs of the bruising, we don't have any…DNA evidence, we have _nothing_. Unless Gokansha confesses, it's his word against Matt's- and he'll never be charged. Even witnesses for Matt's character wouldn't be enough." Masaharu said quietly.

"Isn't there _anything_?" Natsuko asked- her own journalist spirit searching for answers, despite the improbability of finding useful ones.

"Maybe, but…I don't know what."

"Come on, we're journalists! We must be able to think of something!" Natsuko protested, placing both hands around her warm mug and closing her eyes tightly. Masaharu looked up from his cup and sighed.

"What about…other victims?" Natsuko suggested. Masaharu looked thoughtful.

"Maybe…I'd hate to think this has happened to other kids, but…If it has and we can get any of them to talk…"

"Easier said than done, though." Natsuko sighed. Masaharu looked determined suddenly.

"It doesn't matter. It's _got _to be worth a try." He vowed. Natsuko nodded.

"_Anything_ is."

They heard footsteps along the corridor and Matt entered the room.

"Hey." He said, wandering into the doorway area. "I'm ready."

Both parents turned to face their son. Matt _was_ ready- in his own mind. In the minds of his parents, however, his uniform was terribly big for his skin and bone frame. His hair, though not as neglected as it had been of late, was still not up to it's normal standard. His mother had to get out of her chair and straighten his shirt before doing up his jacket. She stroked a hand across his pale face and smiled.

"Are you going now, then?" she asked

"Better had- otherwise there won't be any point in going at all." Matt answered, and looked away. He found himself gazing at a plant in the kitchen window.

"I'm sorry I broke your vase." He mumbled. Natsuko pulled her son into her arms and said,

"It's all right. I can get another vase- I can't get another you." Matt hugged his mom back for a moment, and then walked over to his dad.

"Did you bring my bag?" he asked, picking up his father's empty coffee cup and placing it in the sink.

"Yup- it's in the trunk. I didn't know which lessons you have this afternoon, so I brought all the books I could find, too." Masaharu replied. Matt smiled.

"Okay."

Masaharu looked up at the clock on the wall.

"You'll have missed lunch by the time you get there. Are you going to have something now?"

"No, I…I'm not hungry." Matt replied, pulling a face.

"Yes you are." His mother said sternly, and guided him to a seat.

"But-!" Matt protested, but it was too late- Mom had already opened her kitchen cupboards to see if there was anything in there her eldest son liked.

A packet of udon noodles with Dashi soup later, and Matt was really ready. Even though he hadn't been able to finish lunch, Mom settled on what he'd taken. Dad hurried him out to the car before there was no afternoon left to make an effort with. Natsuko bade her child a hurried goodbye and told him to come back soon- in no uncertain terms.

When Masaharu and Matt had gone, Natsuko looked around her suddenly empty kitchen. And sighed.

* * *

"Agumon, can you hear any other Digimon, besides us?" Gabumon asked. This question had been plaguing him all morning, and now he chose to offer it to Agumon.

"Sure! Why, there's…" Agumon cocked his ears and listened for a moment. "There's Mushimon, Suzumemon, Chochomon-"

"You can't _hear _Chochomon." Gabumon sounded sceptical.

"Maybe _you _can't, but _I _can." Agumon huffed slightly, and continued- despite the approaching hum of beating wings from a long way off…

"Chiisamon, Soshomon, Kitsutsukimon -"

"Ketsuekimon!" Gabumon interrupted. Agumon missed the warning in Gabumon's voice and continued, nose high in the air,

"No, Kitsutsukimon, I-"

"_No_! Ketsuekimon!" Gabumon shouted and pointed up into the sky. Agumon followed his finger with his eyes- and gulped. A hoard of angry-looking Ketsuekimon were approaching them at high speed- blood sucking Digimon.

Agumon and Gabumon looked straight at each other and said, simultaneously,

"Run!"

* * *

Matt gazed out of the car window.

"What are you looking for?" Masaharu asked, a small smile twisting his mouth. He didn't take his eyes off the road in front of him. There were clouds in the sky above them, and Masaharu sighed. He turned on the window wipers as the first spats of a light shower fell onto the windscreen.

"Nothing." Matt replied honestly. He wasn't really looking at anything- the view was passing him in a blur of green and grey. He was thinking about his strange dream.

_I seem to be having a lot of those lately. I wonder what it could mean? Does it mean I'm…_

A look of shock and horror passed over his face.

_Does this mean I could lose Gabumon? Oh, God, no…I couldn't cope with that, I couldn't…I couldn't stand it…_

_No… No, it's just a dream…It's _just_ a_ dream_…_

_I've _got _to do something about my screwed-up perception of reality…_

He kept facing the window, hoping that his father couldn't see the myriad of expressions passing over his face.

_It's just a dream…_

_It's gone now…_

Matt put his hand down to his side in an almost unconscious movement. His digivice was there, it's strange shape comforting in his fist.

_Gabumon's fine, he's fine, he's…_

_I mean, there'd be a distress signal and everything. TK would have contacted me by now…_

Matt's face screwed in worry again.

_But maybe he wouldn't have. He knows… He knows how fragile I am right now…_

_Oh, God… I want to go to the Digital World right now, not school…_

_I need you Gabumon…_

Matt stopped and chided himself again.

_It's _just _a_ stupid _dream…_

"Matt? You okay?" Dad asked, suspicious of the silence. Matt nodded, but didn't speak.

_No. I'm not all right. I'm never all right lately. I'm never going to be all right again._

_And I want my Digimon._

They stopped at the traffic lights, Masaharu putting the car into first gear. He gazed up at the lights through the slight wet mist left on the windscreen.

Suddenly, there was a sharp, continuous beeping noise resonating throughout the car. Masaharu looked at Matt instantly, and Matt scrabbled at his side for his digivice, his heart sinking.

On his LCD display, was a small, red light- flashing alongside the beeping.

_Gabumon!_

"Gabumon!" Matt repeated the thought in his head, desperately clutching his digivice and begging it to be a mistake.

"Matt? What's going on?" Masaharu asked, one eye on his son and the other on the about-to-change traffic lights.

"Gabumon! Gabumon needs me!" Matt panicked, releasing the seatbelt clip and slamming it back against the door.

"Matt! What are you doing!?" Masaharu yelled, as the traffic lights began to flash.

More desperate now than ever, Matt fought with the door handle, releasing it and leaping out of the car into the road.

"_Matt!_" Masaharu yelled, his spine tingling with shock and fear. He saw the light go green, and knew he couldn't just leap out after his son. Slamming the passenger door shut, he put the car in gear and sped over the lights- hoping to catch his lithe son at the corner.

He watched as Matt sprinted away over the road…

_God knows where you're going, boy, but I hope you're damn careful on the way… _Masaharu mentally cursed, swinging his car around the corner- but missing the liaison with his son by a hair's breadth, as Matt sped down an alleyway with no road access.

"_Kuso_!" Masaharu spat, before instantly turning off the ignition, leaving the car where it was and running after his son.

There was no way he'd catch him. Weak as Matt might be, he was still a lot more quick on his feet than his Dad- and he'd had a head start.

Panting, Masaharu stopped, chest heaving. He bent over, trying to catch his breath down the brick wall alley, sweat dripping off his face.

"_Kuso_!" he shouted again, and kicked a small stone vengefully across the alley. It smacked into the opposite wall and lay still. Masaharu sank to his butt on the floor. He flicked his sweat-soaked hair away from his face. The rain was still making it's best effort, and Masaharu felt the chill start to penetrate his coat after his exertion.

"Kuso." He muttered, looking down at the damp ground between his legs.

* * *

"Tai? Is your bag making strange noises, or is that my imagination?" Kyuichi asked, wiping his face on his towel as Tai approached him. They'd been practicing soccer in that day's gym lesson- complete with substitute gym teacher. Tai's team had been losing depressingly- despite Tai's strong captaincy. He scowled as he approached Kyuichi, stomping across the distance between them. Kyuichi pointed to Tai's bag, which was emitting an insistent, beeping noise.

Tai's eyebrows immediately raised- and then sank again into a different kind of scowl- a worried one.

"You've always wanted to be captain, right Kyuichi? Well, now's your chance." Tai instantly promoted Kyuichi, snapped the towel from around his neck and shoved him unceremoniously back onto the pitch.

"Hey!" protested Kyuichi for a moment- the realised that he was soccer captain. He grinned and got straight on with the game play, which had been renewed since the half- time break.

Tai put his hand into his backpack and quickly recovered his digivice. His heart sank as he realised his suspicion was right- although he'd hoped this time that he was wrong.

_Agumon's in trouble…_

Tai glanced at the temporary gym teacher, who was very intent on the game at hand.

_How can I get to him?_

Looking around for an exit, he used the only one that came to mind…

"Sensei!? I need to go to the bathroom!" Tai called quickly across to the teacher, who scowled at him.

"Right _now_, Taichi?"

"Yes sir!" Tai replied, and crossed his hands over his nether regions for emphasis. The teacher looked skywards and rolled his eyes.

"You'd better go then. But hurry back!"

"Thank you!" Tai picked up his bag and raced for the gate to the rest of the school grounds.

"What do you need your bag for, Tai?" The gym teacher yelled. Tai turned, still attempting to move quickly.

"Um…Stuff?" he offered, and ran back towards the school.

_How can I get to Gabumon? He needs me, I'm not there for him… Oh God, I'm even more useless than I thought… _Matt's mind screamed through his panic-induced blindness. He was running who-knew-where, trying to get to a computer somewhere- trying to get to somebody, _anybody _that could help…

Trying to get to TK…

_I'm coming, Gabumon! I'm coming! _

"I'm coming!" he yelled into the wind that passed him.

* * *

"So Genji Monotagari is the essential Japanese literature. Broadening our minds with Murasaki's wonderful talent…" droned TK's Literature teacher. TK was resting his head on his hands- he'd been up all night trying to think of ways to help Matt- even though he wouldn't have dared let that on to his mother or brother. He didn't _mean _to fall asleep…

"Takeru…?"

"Hmm…?" TK mumbled, and opened his eyes- to find his teacher looking sternly at him- and a ruler resting across his head. He immediately sat up, widening his eyes- to show that he hadn't been asleep _really_.

"So…what was I saying about Genji?"

"Um…?" TK offered weakly.

"Stay after class, Takeru." The teacher walked back up to the front of the room.

"Yes sensei." TK looked dejected.

As the teacher continued to talk, there was the sound of a scuffle outside in the corridor. Even as the teacher continued to drone on about the Shining Prince Genji, all the students were looking towards the windows that viewed into the corridor.

"So, in all truth, Genji was- what are you all looking at?" The teacher stopped eventually, and some of the bolder students went to the windows to stare. There was a gentle murmuring amongst them- some of which TK was sure he heard as 'TK's brother… He's nuts…'

TK stood immediately and went to the window, a determined frown on his face.

"No! Please, you don't understand! I have to see him, I- I have to, he-!"

_Matt… What are you _doing_ here!? _TK thought desperately to himself, recognising the voice of his disturbed brother immediately. He pushed past the throng of his classmates as he heard another voice- insistent, and one of authority.

"Would you please calm down young man? You can't just walk in here and take your brother out of school! Who _do _you think you are?"

TK immediately walked out into the corridor and found himself ten paces away from his brother- who looked like something dreadful had happened to him all over again.

"Matt?" TK asked cautiously. Matt raised his head and ceased struggling against his would-be captors.

"TK! Please! It's Gabumon! You've _got _to help him! You can't let Gabumon get into trouble, please! Oh, _God_…" Matt dropped to his knees and started sobbing. Immediately, regardless of the spectacle he _knew _he'd be making of himself and his brother, TK ran forward and wrapped his arms around Matt. Matt clutched at his brother, frantically sobbing and not knowing what to do with himself at all.

_It's taken away all his reason… He can't cope with anything anymore… Oh, Onii-chan…I _hate _what that _b _has done to you… _TK thought to himself, tears in his eyes.

_I'm not supposed to hate- I'm supposed to be hopeful… But every day, when I see what he's done to you, I hate him…I hate him…_

"Please…" sobbed Matt. "Don't let Gabumon go away… Don't let him go away…"

"I don't have to do anything- _you _can save Gabumon all by yourself." TK tried to calm his frantic brother.

"I can't! I can't, I-I'm…useless…" Matt sobbed, eyes closed in a desperate effort to shut the pain out. TK pulled his brother off his chest and took his face in both hands, shaking his eyes open. Matt looked at TK through a blanket of tears.

"Yes- you can. And you're not useless! Don't let what he did to you rule you! Don't you understand how many people love you? How many people you're hurting with your 'I'm useless and broken'? _I_ love you, and _I_ know you're stronger than that. I _know _you can still save Gabumon. I don't _think_, I _know_…" TK paused, taking deep, cleansing breaths while his words sunk in to Matt.

"I _know_ you can… Besides, what good would _I_ be to Gabumon? _I_ can't help him Digivolve- he needs _you_ for that… He needs _you_…

"I can help you get there- but _you_ have to save him…

"Got it?" TK looked hard at his brother, who was at least taking proper breaths now. TK could feel the eyes of all his classmates boring through his back- but right now, he had bigger problems. Facing them was something he'd have to do later- but not right now. He had a brother to save first.

"Got it?" TK repeated, his voice no more than a whisper. Matt nodded, whimpering slightly. TK flicked the tears out of Matt's eyes with his thumbs and hugged him. He could feel his brother shivering- the pent-up force of his anguish finally leaving him for a moment.

"I love you…" Matt whispered to TK. TK's eyes filled with tears which slipped, one at a time, down his slightly drained cheeks.

"Yeah, well, I love you too… But please… One thing for me?" Matt pulled away, sniffed and responded,

"What?"

"Please stop scaring the crap outta me." TK laughed nervously, a small smile creeping across his face. Matt laughed nervously too, and TK got to his feet. He extended a hand to his brother and said,

"Let's get Gabumon."

Matt wiped his face off on his arm and took his brother's hand.

* * *

TK stood back from the computer- luckily enough, he'd been able to shake the adults and had found the computer room empty.

"It's open." He said, looking at Matt. "Go get Gabumon."

Matt nodded.

A second before going through the open portal to the Digiworld, Matt turned back and hugged TK once again.

"Thank you… And…I'm sorry… I'll try never to scare you again, or make you cry…or anything…"

"I'll settle on having everything that makes you my brother. And that means _everything_. Even the temper and the mood swings." TK grinned slightly at the last comment. Matt hugged his brother tighter for a moment.

_God…If I didn't have you, little brother, I'd go mad…_

_Oniichan… if you didn't have me- you'd go mad…_

Very soon, Matt disappeared into the computer. TK sighed and relaxed a little.

I'll be right here for you, oniichan…

As Matt entered the Digiworld, he took a deep breath, tried to compose himself and ran towards the glowing blip on his Digivice. One blip was him, one was Gabumon. He had to get to him- and fast.

"Huhh…huhh…I can't…I can't run any more… Agumon!" huffed Gabumon as he tried to keep his place behind Agumon- and failed. "I wasn't…huff…built for running!…" he dropped to his knees, and Agumon immediately turned back to try pulling him to his feet.

"I can't…huhh…hufff…Ugh…can't…get…you up!" Agumon fell on top of Gabumon, totally exhausted from all the running. They could hear the Ketsuekimon bearing down on them, the sharp hum of their rapid wings getting louder and louder…

"I don't have the…strength…" Gabumon huffed, his eyes closing. "Matt…"

They could hear the Ketsuekimon…

"Tai… why aren't you here, my friend…?" Agumon whispered, his own eyes closing.

They could hear the Ketsuekimon, their wings so close they could feel the air being pushed into their faces…

"Bye…" whispered Gabumon, his breath coming in frightened little gulps.

They could hear the Ketsuekimon…

They could hear the Ketsuekimon…

They could hear…

They could hear Matt and Tai…

Their eyes snapped open.

"Agumon! I'm here! You can Digivolve!" Agumon heard Tai's urgent cry and forced himself to his feet.

"Gabumon! _Gabumon!!_" Gabumon heard Matt's frantic scream and also forced himself to his knees, and then his feet.

"Agumon, Digivolve to…"

"Gabumon, Digivolve to…"

"Greymon!"

"Garurumon!"

"Greymon Digivolve to…"

"Garurumon Digivolve to…"

"MetalGreymon!"

"WereGarurumon!"

The Ketsuekimon thought again as they found themselves faced with two very angry looking Ultimates. WereGarurumon scowled. WarGreymon snorted.

"Wolf Claw!"

"Giga Blaster!"

The Ketsuekimon flew away, as fast as they could- but some could not get away fast enough. They were shot down, their wings temporarily torn. They buzzed disconsolately on the deep green grass.

WereGarurumon watched after them, a distinctly disturbing look on his face. Then he turned to Matt and Tai- and an even more disturbed and disturbing look crossed his face.

"Matt? Matt, it's okay…" Tai tried to coax Matt up from his position on the ground- lying on his side, his face covered with his arm.

"I…I nearly didn't get here…" Matt whispered. Tai looked infuriated for a moment.

"Well, we got here- no matter if it was nearly or not!"

"Tai's right, Matt. You're here, that's all that matters." WarGreymon rumbled.

"Matt?" growled WereGarurumon. Matt looked up through his inexhaustible tears. WereGarurumon leaned down, lifted Matt up from the grass and turned away from Tai and WarGreymon.

"Matt and I are gonna have a little talk… We'll be back soon…" WereGarurumon rumbled. Tai and WarGreymon watched them leave, the same stunned expression on their faces.

"Where are you taking me?" Matt asked weakly, holding tight to WereGarurumon's neck. It seemed like they had been travelling for ages- although Matt was so mixed up, he wouldn't have known a minute from a week. WereGarurumon didn't reply.

"Oh…Oh…You're not angry that I was late, are you? I'm sorry…I-I couldn't…" Matt started but WereGarurumon interrupted him.

"Stop blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault. Of course I'm not angry."

"You're not?" Matt asked, bewildered.

"No."

Matt closed his eyes and rested his head against WereGarurumon's chest.

When he opened his eyes, he didn't realise he'd been asleep for a good while.

"Welcome back, my friend." Gabumon smiled as Matt came to. Matt smiled in return.

"Thank you for coming to my rescue. Like Tai said, it didn't matter that you were late-you still came."

"S'okay." Matt replied, from his position in a pile of leaves. He looked down at it suddenly and asked,

"How long have I been out?"

"An hour or so." Gabumon replied, covering Matt back over with the leaves. Matt looked at his Digimon beseechingly.

"What?" Gabumon asked gently.

"I'm sorry… Please… forgive me…"

"For what?" Gabumon asked, surprised.

"For everything." Matt closed his eyes in weariness.

"You mean, for being you? How could I ever forgive you for such a thing?" When Matt opened his eyes, he noticed that Gabumon was smiling. Matt looked at him curiously.

"I _like _Yamato-kun just the way he is. I wouldn't want you to change."

"Well… I…" Matt stopped, remembering what TK had said about hurting people with his 'I'm useless and broken'.

"Go on." Gabumon insisted.

"I hate me…I'm…I'm 'useless and broken' as TK puts it."

"TK calls you useless and broken?" Gabumon looked deeply shocked.

"No! That's what he calls me when I call myself that…Kinda…" Matt looked confused.

"Oh." Gabumon looked relieved. "You just saved TK the talking-to of his life." Matt smiled- then rolled onto his back and sighed.

"I just want it all to go away."

"What's 'all'?"

"Everything."

"Including me?" asked Gabumon, the sound of mock-hurt in his voice. Matt immediately sat back up and hugged Gabumon desperately.

"No! Not you!"

"Then you don't want _everything_ to go away. Do you?"

Matt didn't answer.

"What about TK? Do you want _him _to go away?"

"No. Never."

"Or Tai?"

"No."

Matt buried his face in Gabumon's fur.

"I feel so empty." He whispered. Gabumon pulled away and took Matt's wrists.

"You didn't see my reaction when I first saw these…" Gabumon looked at the scars in pain. Matt looked away, tears in his eyes.

"They're horrible." he whispered.

"But they're part of _you _now. Part of your past. You can no more get rid of your past as you can the scars on your arms. But, given time, both types of scar will heal over and become less painful."

Tears filled Matt's eyes again, and he hugged his Digimon again.

"Oh, Gabumon…"

"I cried." Gabumon whispered, tears matting his fur. "I couldn't believe how much I had failed to be there for you. When I saw the scars on your arms I knew that I should have been there for you long ago- I knew that-"

Matt put a hand over Gabumon's mouth.

"You're starting to sound like me. And my dad. And TK. And Tai." He took his hand away.

"They all blame themselves." Matt looked crestfallen. "And, in all honesty, it's nobody's fault but mine." Gabumon's face fell into a scowl.

"No. It's not your fault. I know that a _person_ has to rape you, Matt. I know, from what you said before, that it's a horrible thing that maybe a Digimon can't understand. I know that if you are a victim, then there must be an oppressor. You were a victim, Matt. And that means that it wasn't your fault."

"But I could have said _no_. I could have…made it clear that I didn't want it…" Matt insisted, his face torn in an expression of sadness. "I could have stopped _all_ this. It's not just affecting me, but my family, my friends… It's not _fair_ on them. It's not-"

"It wasn't fair on you, either." Gabumon interrupted.

"But I could have said _no_. He was- he just-…"

"Why won't you tell me what he did?" Asked Gabumon. Matt stopped.

"Because it was too horrible. I don't want to think about it."

Gabumon laid a hand on Matt's arm.

"Then don't. But if you don't think about it- how can it keep hurting you so badly?" Matt looked at Gabumon from the corner of his eye.

"Because it does."

Gabumon sighed deeply.

"You think it changes who you are."

Matt didn't reply. Instead, he sifted through some of the leaves that surrounded him, and picked up a pretty red-gold one. He handed it to Gabumon by way of reply.

"It makes you…what? Dry, and worn- like this old leaf?" Gabumon asked, lifting his eyebrows. Matt didn't match his Digimon's concerned gaze- he just kept sifting through the leaves.

"You think that you're…that you've been ruined? Aged beyond recognition? Wasted, and torn? Matt, you cannot think like that, my friend. What happened to you was awful- but it will shape who you become now. It will matter in what decisions you make, in what paths you walk. It will matter in what paths you _choose_ to walk." Gabumon sifted through the leaves too, and found a pretty leaf, still green but with patches of wear and tear on it. He handed it to Matt.

"_This_ is your leaf. Not this one." Gabumon put the leaf Matt had handed to him back in the pile. "You might be scarred, my friend- but it has not become you…You are not one huge scar on reality, as you think you are."

Tears filled Matt's eyes and Gabumon hugged him. As Matt opened his tear- filled eyes- arms still around his Digimon- he noticed that he still clutched the leaf tightly in his hand.

When Matt was silent, and after Gabumon had held him for a little while, Matt drew back, wiping his eyes on his sleeve- leaf still tightly in his grasp.

"Do you even recognise where you are?" Gabumon smiled sadly. Matt looked around himself, bewildered at first- then the cogs of remembrance turned in his head and his eyes snapped open.

"Cherrymon's lake!"

"It's not Cherrymon's lake, Matt. It never was. It's much older than even he is, and it's called the Lake of Truth. Do you remember?"

Matt crept over to the lake and dropped his fingers lightly into it. Rings began around his fingers and faded, as they slipped further out into the pool.

"How can I forget?" Matt murmured. "This is the lake that turned me on Tai and the others." He looked away, his face contorted with something like pain.

"If you ask it, it will show you anything about yourself- it knows what is in your heart. It's done it once- why can't it do it again?" Gabumon stole up and sat down next to Matt.

"If you could ask it _anything-_ what would you ask it?" Gabumon asked softly. Matt shrugged and sniffed.

"Who I _am_ now. Maybe." He replied offishly.

"Then, why don't you ask it?" Gabumon suggested calmly, smiling at Matt in encouragement. Matt glanced at Gabumon, and then moved nervously closer to the pool, so that he could look into it.

The face that he saw in the pool this time had tired, tousled blonde hair, and a pale, drawn face with two deep eyes of washed-out saxe blue. He took a deep breath and watched the reflection of himself carefully for a minute or two.

Eventually, Gabumon broke the silence.

"What did you expect to see? An ogre? A broken leaf?" he asked kindly. Matt sighed.

"I don't know."

"You are who you are, Matt. You are still Ishida Yamato- that hasn't changed. Nothing and nobody can change that- not unless you let it be so. You're still the brother TK loves, the friend that the Digidestined love- and the Digi-destined _I _love. You're still the son your parents love. I know that it must be hard, but… You have to believe me."

Gabumon started into Matt's weak eyes until they filled with tears and Matt hugged him again.

"I've never known you so tearful…" Gabumon sighed sadly.

"Please come home with me, Gabumon. I know that you can protect me. I'm never afraid when I'm with you." Matt wept gingerly. Gabumon nodded.

"If that is what you want, my friend- then I am yours."

Matt nodded and clutched at Gabumon's furry coat.

* * *

"When did he go in?" Masaharu grilled his youngest son quietly, as they stood together outside the Principle's office.

"About an hour and a half ago." TK replied, glancing at his watch and sighing. He had to admit; he was sulking. First, his Literature teacher had yelled at him for leaving the class and heading off for some other part of the school- after he had already gotten himself into trouble _once _in that class. That lead to a meeting with the Principle- which he was currently waiting for now. On the way, he'd met his father, who'd interrogated him about his brother and where he was. Then Tai had chosen that moment to leave the Digiworld and gringe at TK as regards to his emotionally unstable sibling.

All in all, it had been a long day already.

"When will he be coming out?" Masaharu asked.

"I don't' know. When he's finished."

Masaharu paused.

"Are you grouchy?"

"Yes." TK scowled.

"Why?"

TK didn't answer, he just folded his arms and kicked at the wooden floor blocks a little.

"It's getting to you. Isn't it? With Matt?" Masaharu asked. TK didn't reply.

"Isn't it, chiisa-na?" Masaharu repeated gently. The boy nodded tentatively.

"And I think last night really scared you."

TK nodded again, after a pause. He didn't look up from the floor. Masaharu smiled gently, despite his worry about his eldest. Wrapping an arm around TK's shoulders, Masaharu pulled his son tight to him. For a moment, TK resisted, but it was a very weak counter and he soon gave in.

"Come on; cheer up. I'll talk to your principle."

"I've been to see the principle twice in a month. I've _never _had to do that before." TK sniffed, trying to detain the tears in his eyes. Masaharu didn't say anything, just hugged his son's shoulders again and repeated,

"I'll talk to him."

Half an hour later, they left the principle's office. TK was wearing a weak smile- but at least it _was_ a smile.

"See? They're not ogres TK, not when you explain that this is an ongoing thing with Matt and that you can't help it."

"I know- I just… I don't know, everybody keeps having a go at me today. First my teacher, then you, then Tai-"

"I know, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to yell at you when I saw you." Masaharu interrupted guiltily. TK pulled a face.

"I know. But that doesn't make it right, 'Tuchan."

"I know."

Masaharu looked scattered for a moment.

"I'm taking lessons in morality from my 12 year old son." He shook his head as if to dispel cobwebs. TK grinned.

Matt turned into the next corridor and immediately caught sight of his brother and father. He stiffened, and mentally challenged himself. Was he ready to apologise to his father for running off this morning? Was he ready to apologise to his brother for embarrassing him in front of all his classmates? Was he-

"Matt?!" called TK suddenly, turning to his brother as though instinct had instructed it. Matt stood stock-still, Digimon at his side as his brother turned on a pin and raced towards him. Moments later, Matt caught the look of intense concern on his father's face as he strode his way.

No, he decided. He wasn't ready…

He wasn't…

He-

-Was bowled into by TK, who nearly knocked him right off his feet. As he snatched a moment to recover, he found himself enveloped in a bear hug- from his father. In the middle of the hallway. Matt felt his cheeks grow hot with embarrassment.

TK took this moment to disappear and talk with Gabumon for a moment, after greeting him and telling him how happy he was that he was safe.

"Don't ever do that to me again." Masaharu whispered to his son. Matt could tell how worried his father had been when he didn't let go of his son.

"I'm sorry." Matt mumbled into his dad's shirt.

Masaharu didn't reply; just squeezed his son's shoulders harder for a second and then let go.

Eventually, Masaharu caught sight of Gabumon, who had tact enough to be examining a small chip on one of the wall tiles.

"Gabumon. It's been a long time." Masaharu nodded to the Digimon, who mysteriously knew the exact moment to stop looking at the wall.

"It has, Ishida-san."

Between them sparked a silent understanding- a thank you from Masaharu for the constant protection of his son, and an acknowledgement by Gabumon for this act.

"Gabumon's gonna come home with us." Matt said, quietly. Masaharu looked questioningly at his son.

"You can't be there all the time." Matt uttered, without looking at his father. Masaharu took a deep breath and nodded. He understood what Matt was trying to say all too well. He was still frightened. Still frightened in his own home, frightened to leave his home, frightened to walk down the street… Frightened of _living_.

TK found himself absorbing the silence that followed- a deep, creeping trail of disturbing darkness tracing his spine. He didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.

So he did what he had always done when he was afraid of the darkness.

Walked up to Matt, and tugged the bottom of his jacket.

When Matt turned, TK smiled encouragingly, and Matt returned the smile weakly.

They heard the bell ring to call an end to the day's lessons. Within moments, the corridor would no longer be their own, but would be filled with excited, babbling children- all in a rush to get to their lockers and their homes.

Masaharu sighed and pushed Matt towards the far end of the corridor.

"Come on you two. We may as well go home.

"So much for you trying school again today, Matt."

"Sorry." Matt mumbled. Masaharu shrugged.

"Tomorrow's another day."

"Matt? Have you seen Tai?" TK asked suddenly. Matt stopped.

"No. Not since the Digiworld…

"He's okay- right?" Matt worried suddenly.

"No, no, he's fine- he's been out of the Digiworld for ages. I just…haven't seen him since before you got out. I wonder where he is…?" TK questioned, almost to himself.

* * *

Tai sat in the cleaner's dark storage room and wiped tears onto his sleeve.

_This is all _my _fault… I can't count how many times I wish I'd waited for him. I can't count how many times I've cussed myself for not being there for him._

_If I'd waited, he'd never have been raped…_

_If I'd acted sooner, he'd never have those scars…_

_Damn, I'm such an idiot. When Matt says that to me, he's really right. I AM AN IDIOT. I failed Kari when she was little, and now I've failed Matt. _

_I never make small mistakes either- OH no. They've got to be great big suckers. _

Tai pressed the edge of his jacket into his tear ducts to catch the tears before they sullied his face.

_I feel so bad…_

_I hate watching him fall apart like this… _

Tai tugged his digivice off his belt and gazed at it.

_I was supposed to be the bearer of courage, right? Then tell me, why did I wait so long to ask Matt what was wrong, and actually get it out of him? How come I didn't have the courage to get to the bottom of this when it mattered, before it got this bad?_

_Maybe he'll never be Matt again…_

_Maybe he'll always be this shell._

Tai rubbed at his forehead with finger and thumb, as though his brain itself were hurting. He didn't catch the next tears in time, before they spattered all over his trouser legs.

_Maybe I'm taking this too much to heart…_

_No, there's no such thing. Not where your best friend is concerned._

_Maybe I should just kill the _bd _who did this to him…_

_Maybe that's a bad idea. _

_Mm- then again, maybe it's not._

Tai growled at himself and wiped his eyes on his sleeve again. He sniffed sharply, and wiped more tears. He looked emptily at the wet patches on his blazer.

_Stupid Tai…_

_Now everybody's got me saying it!_

Tai sniffed again and laughed at himself gently.

_Gotta snap out of this… Gotta be that leader-type again. Good ol' bull-headed Tai. He's got ice running through his veins, everybody knows that._

_Yeah. Everybody._

_Everybody except him, that is. _

Tai buried his head in his hands and wept.

Some time later, Tai heard his name being called.

He couldn't mistake _that _voice.

"Tai? Did you go home?" Matt called, from somewhere in the corridor outside. Footsteps indicated that Tai's friend was approaching the door Tai was hidden behind.

_I can't let him see me like this!…_

"Tai? Come on , man, where are you?" Matt called, worry in his voice. "Or aren't you here at all? I'm making an idiot of myself, aren't' I?" he muttered.

Tai decided that silence was his best option.

He hadn't counted on his mobile phone.

Which rang just a few moments later, to his dismay.

Matt looked quizzically at the door to the cleaner's room- which appeared to be spontaneously ringing in the sound of Tai's phone. He lifted an eyebrow. He'd used his phone to dial Tai, in the hope he'd find him safe and happy at home- and had discovered the accompanying ringtone in the strangest of places.

Approaching the door carefully, Matt gently clicked it open- to find Tai sitting between two brooms and a hand-held vacuum cleaner. Tai pouted.

"Tai? What are you doing in the cleaner's cupboard?" Matt asked, raising one eyebrow. He tactfully didn't mention the tears that streaked Tai's face, but they certainly didn't go unnoticed, either.

Tai raised himself to his full sitting height and announced,

"Cleaning up."

"Don't be stupid. You don't _clean_." Matt walked in and shut the door behind him. He turned off his phone to stop Tai's from ringing. In the darkness, Tai's eyes filed with tears. Matt moved the hand-held and a broom and sat down next to his friend.

"So…what are you _really_ doing in here…?" Matt asked softly. Tai knew he couldn't reply without his voice betraying him, so he didn't answer.

"I know you've been crying. So, are you going to tell me what about?" Matt asked, looking across the pitifully lit room to his friend. He could see the top few spikes of Tai's hair shake from side to side, and assumed that was a 'no'.

"Tell me now, or I'll make Agumon sing…" Matt warned, wagging his finger. He heard his friend laugh lightly in the dark.

"Works for me." Matt confirmed.

"He's not so bad…" Tai's voice was shaky, but not inaudible.

"Tai?" Matt asked gently. Tai waited a moment before answering,

"What?"

"Why are we sitting in a broom closet?"

"I don't know." Tai answered truthfully. "It was…handy, I guess."

"You couldn't decide to have a crying fit in my front room, or in the hallway- you had to have one in a broom closet. Well, that's just you all over, isn't it?" Matt mock-chided. Tai smiled.

There was a pause.

"Matt?"

"Mm?"

"Am I stupid?"

Matt took a deep breath and a healthy pause.

"Sometimes."

"Do you really think I have ice in my veins?"

"No." the answer was instant. "Not any more."

There was another pause whilst Matt attempted to poke a packet of paper towels back into it's appropriate hole.

"When did you stop thinking that?" Tai asked. Matt shrugged.

"When I wasn't angry at you any more."

There was another pause whilst Matt dragged one of the paper towels out of the packet and gave it to Tai.

"But you're always angry with me." Tai took the paper towel and emptied half of his sentence into it. Matt instantly turned, looking taken aback.

"Since when?!"

"Since always."

"Don't be stupid! Of _course _I'm not angry with you all the time!"

Tai sniffed.

"You're not angry with me now?" He asked, hopefully. Matt laughed.

"No. I can think of better places to be having this conversation than a dusty old broom closet, but no. I'm not angry."

There was a long pause.

"You're not even angry about what happened?"

Matt didn't reply immediately, and for a while, Tai wondered if he had heard the question. He was about to dare it again, when Matt replied,

"If you mean about you leaving me that day, then the answer's no."

_Ow…So he _does _think I abandoned him._

"I'm sorry." Tai sniffled.

"You can't beat yourself up about that forever, Tai. You weren't to know.

"Please tell me that's _not _what you're upset about."

Tai shrugged.

"Can't." he answered truthfully. "I…I didn't know I was abandoning you… I would never-"

Matt wrapped an arm around Tai's shoulders and pulled his friend's head to his chest. They were silent for a few minutes whilst they tried to compose themselves and each other.

"One of us cracking up is enough, don't you think?" Matt asked eventually, a slight smile on his face. He felt Tai nod.

Matt made to stand and, as he did so, ended up knocking several brooms, two mops and a can of polish on top of himself and his best friend. They braced themselves for impact, but between them managed to catch all of the falling objects. They looked at each other and laughed.

"Look who's stupid now!" Matt laughed.

"Well, I didn't like to say so." Grinned Tai.

Eventually, Matt succeeded in his bid to stand. He opened the door and the light and air rushed in to the cramped, crowded space.

He turned to Tai and offered his hand. Tai looked up at his friend, bathed as he was in the early-evening light that slipped through the window behind him.

"How about watching 'Perfect Blue' tonight at my place? Dad got it for me." Matt asked, still proffering his hand. Tai smiled weakly and took it.

_End of Chapter Five. Thank you very much for reading :)_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Red and White**_

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together._

* * *

_**Chapter Six**_

Tai glanced over the back of the DVD case as Matt inserted it into the DVD player.

"In the world of make believe- the price of fame may not be worth the cost of identity." Tai read from the back of the Perfect Blue box. Matt smirked.

"Oh, to know fame." He turned to Tai briefly and then set off to find the TV remote- last seen lurking around the coffee table. Tai grinned.

"One day, buddy." He replied, slapping the box down on the floor. Matt finally found the TV remote as Gabumon ambled out of Matt's bedroom with his pillows.

"Gabumon? What are you doing?" Matt asked curiously, as the copyright screen played behind him. Gabumon didn't reply, but put the first of the pillows on an empty chair- then gently pushed Matt into it.

"Gabumon!" Matt exclaimed, and sagged slightly as Gabumon continued his attempt to fluff the pillow.

"I don't break, you know." Matt whispered to his Digimon, smiling slightly. Gabumon grinned.

"I know."

He traipsed off with the other pillow, placed it in the base of the chair next to Matt, and climbed up on to it.

"I can't see the TV without it." Gabumon replied to Matt's curious look, and he shrugged.

And so they sat for about half an hour, trying to intently watch a twisted storyline.

Both boys froze, backs straight in their chairs when they heard just one line.

'A rape scene! You have _got _to be out of your _mind_!'

As the characters continued talking, nobody was listening.

Tai turned to look at Matt, who was staring pale-faced at the screen.

"I'll turn it off." Tai stood quickly, moving towards the TV.

"No!"

Matt's reply was so abrupt that it stopped Tai in his tracks.

"No…" he repeated, trying to ignore the worried gaze of his Digimon. "It's all right."

"Are you sure?" Tai probed. Matt didn't look at his friend, only at the screen behind him.

"Yeah. I mean…"

"_Boys don't get raped. I mean, what fun could a rapist possibly have with a _boy_?" _Detective Hagiwara's words came back to haunt him.

"I mean…It's not the same thing. Right? Girls are different." Matt's voice was quiet.

"Are they?" Tai chanced the question, knowing full well that it might break Matt- or that Matt might break him.

"Mm-hmm." Was Matt's reply. His face remained unmoved, his expression stony. Tai sighed quietly and moved back to his seat- remote control in hand, just in case.

_Boys don't get raped. I mean, what fun could a rapist possibly have with a _boy_?_

_Boys don't get raped. I mean, what fun could a rapist possibly have with a _boy_?_

_Boys don't get raped. I mean, what fun could a rapist possibly have with a _boy_?_

Matt's mind was solidly concentrated on the words of the detective.

_I mean, what fun could a rapist possibly have with a _boy_? That's right, I'm a boy. Boys don't get raped. I imagined it. My body and mind must hurt for some other reason, then. I must be lying. Why doesn't- why doesn't anyone think I'm…_

_Maybe I don't know what I'm doing. _

_Maybe I-_

His thoughts were cut short by the screams on film that indicated the rape scene was starting.

"Watch the movie, Tai, not me." Matt stood immediately and walked out to the kitchen, shaking off the concerned glances of his friend.

He listened to the screams as he walked across to the kitchen, not able to block them no matter how hard he tried.

_I didn't scream like that…_

_Or at least…I don't think I did…_

But… But it was different…

_I didn't…_

_I didn't scream…_

_I-I couldn't…_

"_With the showers on, Ishida Yamato, there's nobody who can hear you scream."_

"_Nobody can hear you scream."_

"_Nobody can hear you scream."_

Nobody can hear me scream…

He stumbled to the fridge, listening to the screams that nobody else heard.

_Nobody can hear me scream…_

"D-drink?"

"What?" Tai immediately turned his head, quite ignoring the movie now, and wishing Matt would let him turn it off.

"_Drink_, Tai." It was an instruction, and not a question.

"Sure. Coke'll be fine." Tai responded, watching his friend drift around the kitchen.

Gabumon had been silent throughout, and Tai suddenly noticed how fixed he was on the screen. He was taken aback by his disturbing expression.

"This is rape?" Gabumon asked Tai darkly. Tai looked awkward for a moment.

"Is this what happened to Matt?" Gabumon asked, louder this time. Tai was about to respond when Matt re-entered the room, holding a glass of Coke.

"No. It's different. It's not this. It's _not_." Anyone who knew Matt could see his composure failing, could notice the layers of his walls slowly fading.

"This is what they call rape?" Gabumon asked again, refusing to take Matt's brush-off as an answer. He looked Matt square in the eye.

"It's not the same. It's a _girl_, it's not the same!" he looked away from Gabumon and into the Coke.

"Matt, tell him." Tai instructed, feeling the dark electricity in the air.

"No!"

"_Now_!"

"_No_!" Matt slammed down the glass of Coke on the table.

"Is this what-" Gabumon was cut off.

"_Yes_! Okay, _yes_, _that's_ what he did to me, okay?! That's what he did to me! I didn't want it, but I let it happen, so it's _my _fault anyway, okay? It's _my _fault!" Matt yelled angrily, taking a half-hearted whack at a chair before storming out of the apartment and into the corridor. The door slammed shut behind him.

_Yes, _that's _what he did to me. _

_He _raped _me. _Matt thought as he tried to swallow his anger. The bile of it rose in his throat again, and he tried to swallow it down, breathing deeply.

_I'm sick of crying._

_I'm _not _gonna cry._

He closed his eyes tightly for a moment, and felt the anger start to subside.

_No. I'm not._

He opened his eyes to find Tai standing in front of him in the doorway, staring at him with his arms folded.

"Are you done?" He asked. Matt looked away and nodded.

"Yeah." Matt muttered.

Gabumon approached slowly, eventually sitting next to Matt in his position on the floor. Matt looked at Gabumon and shrugged.

"Sorry…" he said. Gabumon smiled.

"It's all right, Yamato-kun. I think I understand now."

"Do you?" There was a slight sarcasm in Matt's voice.

"Yes."

Matt's laugh was even more sarcastic than his last comment.

"Well, I'm sure _I _don't."

* * *

Masaharu rubbed his eyes tiredly. He didn't much care if this _was _Abuse of Company Property, as listed in the Employee Manual. It had been a long time since he'd read that anyway, and wasn't sure he hadn't been tanked up at the time.

He was trying to find any trace of Gokansha on paedophile websites, in past trials, old news tapes, unresolved rape cases in other schools in Japan. At first he had searched only the Tokyo area, and then decided that it was very possible he'd come from further afield.

He'd found only one lead in hours of searching. The light tube over his desk was flickering and giving him a headache too, just to add to his misery. He glanced over the fax he'd been sent from the Kyoto Herald Newspaper Company. There was a picture set in the centre, and words surrounding it. It was a minimised version of a front page.

'Boy, 15, found dead in room.' The headline read. Masaharu sighed and shook his head as he read on.

Apparently the dead boy had been serial raped by a teacher at his school. The sexual bullying became too much, and he'd killed himself. He hadn't been able to talk to anyone- nobody had realised what was wrong.

The clincher as far as Masaharu was concerned, was that the boy had been found by his little brother- one Atasuke Ashikaga. His brother's name was Baiko.

The story was frightening similar to how Matt's could have turned out. Masaharu shivered as he thought about this. He looked at the clock on his computer, noticing that it was 7.45 pm. He knew that it would be all right to leave Matt for a while- he and Tai had called not long ago, and Matt had asked if it would be okay for Tai to stay the night. Masaharu had agreed happily- hoping this would be a helping hand towards normality for his son.

He glanced at the date on the front page- and frowned. It was dated 14th September 1975. It was too old to be Gokansha. Folding the fax, he slotted it into his drawer anyway. It might come in useful later.

He didn't hear the light footsteps approaching him from the other end of the room. He gasped as he heard an unusually small but familiar voice.

"Daddy? Can I talk with you about Matt?"

Half an hour later, Masaharu and his youngest son were sitting in a cafeteria left half-dark, with only two strip lights on above them. TK stared into his cup of steaming pretend-coffee as his father swigged from his.

"I just wish it hadn't happened. It's all… just wrong."

"I know what you mean, son. It _is _all wrong. What happened was…"

"It should never have happened to Matt."

"It should never have happened to _anybody_." Masaharu sighed in response to his son's angry reply.

There was a silence as TK glanced around the dark areas of the room. He shivered. Event though he'd been in this room lots of times before, it was still eerily strange in the darkness.

"You okay? Cold?" Masaharu asked, moving to take off his jacket, so he could offer it to his son. TK shook his head.

"I'm okay." He sighed deeply and sent ripples through the top of his coffee. Masaharu noticed the extended melancholy in his brightest son's expression, and put a hand over his.

"We'll get him through it. We _all_ will. He'll learn to live with it, it just takes time.

"I know you're worried about him- and I still think that last night scared you more than you realise. He…"

Masaharu thought twice about continuing and telling his son about Matt's first tantrum. Eventually, he decided to share the experience- to let his son know he wasn't alone in being scared and unsure.

"He had a crying fit like that when he came home from the hospital. I- I was…scared. Frightened that he would do something terrible to himself again. You remember that I asked you to hide all the knives?"

"Yeah?"

"Well… Matt didn't take to that idea too well. He took it badly and…locked himself in the bathroom for an hour and cried until he was too dry to cry any more."

"That was Tuesday…" TK said, dumbfounded. "When I came around to see how he was. He didn't tell me…"

"He _doesn't_, TK. You know him better than that." Masaharu replied, taking another swig of gradually cooling coffee.

"But… But it's…_me_…" TK seemed very disturbed that his brother hadn't told him.

"In all honesty, chiisa-na, I think there's a lot that he doesn't tell either of us. Who knows what's going on up there sometimes?" Masaharu pointed to his head. "Sometimes I think I don't want to know, and sometimes I'd pay a hundred million yen to know what he's thinking."

"I just… I just want to help him…" TK said, trance-like. "I just…want to make it better. It's like this… This…"

"A burning feeling inside that you just want to get out somehow, but it won't go?" Masaharu offered. TK grinned for a moment, and laughed.

"You make it sound like gas."

Masaharu laughed at this, a welcome sound to banish the listening darkness for a moment.

"I know what you mean. I have that feeling too." Masaharu smiled softly. TK grinned impishly.

"What- gas?"

Masaharu tapped his son on the arm lightly and laughed again.

"You've been around Tai and your brother too long…" he warned, and stood. He picked up his coffee cup

"Mm-mmm." TK waved his cup in Masaharu's direction.

"There's a phrase that goes with that." Masaharu lifted an eyebrow.

"Daddy, could you please throw my cup away because I've finished with it, thank you." TK provided, a cheesy grin displayed on his face. Masaharu rolled his eyes.

"That'll do." He said, a slight smile in his voice.

Throwing the cups away, he asked,

"How did you get here anyway?"

TK shrugged.

"I walked."

"You walked all this way in the dark? By yourself?" Masaharu didn't sound too happy with that revelation. TK looked innocently at his father.

"Yeah…?"

"It's too dark to be out by yourself, you're only a boy."

"_Dad_…" TK protested lightly. "I've fought lots of monsters from another world, and-"

"No reason to take risks." Masaharu frowned. TK rolled his eyes understatedly and nodded. He knew his father only had his best interests at heart. Besides, he hadn't seen even _half _of the bad guys TK had fought, and it was probably just as well.

"Come on. I'll give you a ride." Masaharu walked towards the door and eventually TK followed, tipping himself off the high stool he'd been sitting on.

"Is Matt at home alone?" TK asked, suddenly realising that if Dad was here then Matt could well be on his own.

"No, Tai is with him. He's sleeping over. Last I heard they were throwing small furry animals off a cliff…" Masaharu replied, a look of distinct confusion on his face.

"Huh?" TK asked, equally confused. Then his face cleared.

"Oh! It's just an online game, Dad. 'The Small Green Falling Machines' It's fun." He grinned. Masaharu looked at him, one eyebrow raised.

"That's what you boys call _fun_? My God, what else do you get up to when I'm not around?" Masaharu looked to the skies. TK grinned.

"Best you don't ask."

As they approached the car, TK asked,

"You think they'll mind if I gatecrash?"

"I doubt it. Why don't you phone them and ask? But don't forget to call your mother and let her know where you are." Masaharu got into the car and passed his cell phone to TK.

"Sure." His son grinned.

* * *

"Gabumon…It IS only a game." Matt softly reminded, as Gabumon watched the computer screen in dismay.

"But how do you know that's not a Digimon you're throwing off that cliff?" Gabumon asked.

"Well…" Matt began, and then looked at Tai for assistance.

"Yeah, it's…Well, we know because…"

"Did that one look like Agumon?" Gabumon protested bluntly. Tai immediately turned to the screen frantically. No, to Tai it still looked like a Small Green Falling Machine. He scowled.

"Didn't you say you had a board game somewhere, Matt?" Tai asked, gazing at Gabumon uncomfortably.

"Didn't you protest at that idea earlier? They're called 'bored' games for a reason, Tai." Matt shrugged and went to blow the dust off his Monopoly board.

Tai turned off the internet connection and skulked off behind Matt, looking disgruntled at the pleased-with-himself expression Gabumon wore.

"Tai- if you get that box up there, I'll get the phone." Matt suggested, as the telephone in the hall began to ring.

"Moushi Moushi?

"Oh, hi Teek.

"Sure, if you want to. Let me just check with Tai, I'm sure he won't mind."

Matt put the receiver to his chest and called,

"Tai! Do you mind if TK comes over too?"

"No, why should I?" Tai responded as he struggled for the shelf that even Matt could only _just _reach. "After all, I like TK, he's good." Matt put the phone back to his ear and started to speak, only to be interrupted by Tai again.

"Sure, Teek, it's-"

"Can we eat him?" was all Matt caught of Tai's follow-up comment.

"What?" Matt lowered the phone again.

"Can we eat him, you know, I'm hungry." Tai leapt for the box, looking nonplussed when he missed. On the other end of the telephone line, Matt could hear TK laughing.

"No, we- we can't eat my _brother_!" Matt laughed and smacked Tai with the phone.

"Sorry, Teek- yup…Sure, it's no problem… But I think you'd better bring food in with you, or Tai says _you're _on the menu…

"No, of _course_ I wouldn't let him eat you, don't be an idiot. It's Tai and his disturbed sense of humour again.

"Okay, see you soon, bye."

* * *

It looked as though TK was winning. Holding his property cards close to his face, Matt gazed over them across the table, where his brother was looking decidedly concentrated.

"It's your turn, Tai." Matt mumbled, picking out a card from his steadily increasing property.

Tai dutifully rolled the dice and moved a solid three squares- unfortunately for him, landing on property owned by TK and infested with houses. Tai pouted. TK grinned.

"Mine!"

"Waaahhh… Why don't you just take my utility cards!" Tai wailed, pushing his face into his arms, folded on the table top. Matt glanced at Tai, poker-faced.

"Because I want your money…Or, on second thought…" TK's eyes lit up.

"No, you _can't _have Tai's utilities. It's not fair- Tai, don't give them to him." Matt protested. TK grinned wickedly.

"You're just bitter because I'm gonna win."

Matt didn't reply to his brother's taunt- just hid behind his cards again.

"Why isn't it fair? I don't have enough money left to pay him-" Tai looked at TK for a prompt.

"25,000 yen." TK provided faultlessly.

"So he's-" Tai continued, but Matt halted him with

"You have to mortgage them at the bank, you can't just _give_ them to him!"

Tai grinned.

"Okay, but seeing as I'm out of the game, can I be banker?" Matt rolled his eyes at this, and Tai took that as a yes.

Exchanging his utilities for the money to pay TK for his extortionate overnight stay, he settled comfortably down in front of the upturned lid, which was full of Monopoly money.

"Wanna sell out, bro?" TK smirked. Matt huffed and scowled at TK.

"No. And where'd you get _that_ from anyway?"

"What?"

"_Bro_. You _never _call me that."

"Don't know. Must have picked it up from somebody."

Matt glanced over his cards again.

"You know what?" he asked. TK smiled.

"Drop it as fast as I picked it up?"

"Yup."

Tai constantly moved from one seat to the other. One minute he'd be sitting in front of the bank- then he'd be sitting next to Matt. Then he'd be sitting next to TK.

Matt had two properties remaining. He was still hiding behind the property cards, hoping he would get a clear nine or above on his next roll of the dice, so that he could escape TK's own little private empire covering nearly a quarter of the board.

As he picked up the dice, the voice he'd been hearing for the past minute or so got louder. He was concentrating so hard that he hadn't really taken any notice of it.

"Maa-aat!"

"_What_, Tai?" Matt said, irritated.

"Feeeeeed meeeeee!!" Tai threw his head into Matt's shoulder. TK laughed at the look on Matt's face. Matt turned to Tai and scowled

"What?!"

"I'm hungry!" Tai pouted.

"You can't _still _be hungry! It took forever to get through that pizza, and you still ate most of it!" Matt chided, and moved to throw the dice.

"Yeah, but it's time for my midnight snack!" Tai continued to pout.

"The refrigerator is yours- if you can find anything in it." Matt sighed, and finally threw the dice. They landed, five up on one- but only one up on the other. TK grinned what Matt knew as his victory grin.

"Gotcha."

Matt looked at the small rectangle on the board that spelled instant doom. It carried three houses and a hotel.

He glanced at his two measly properties.

And, sighing, threw them gracefully down into the centre of the board.

"I'm out." He shrugged, and got up to follow Tai.

TK stood to follow too, but Matt looked over his shoulder at his brother.

"No, winner has to clear the board away."

"What?! No fair!" TK protested. Matt turned fully and made a 'sorry' gesture with his hands.

"If you prefer, it can be 'little brother gets to clear the board away', or 'youngest player gets to clear the board away'. You choose."

"That sucks" TK scowled as he watched his brother leave.

"Does he _always_ win?" Tai asked as Matt put his head in the refrigerator.

"Sure- why do you think he got all excited when he found out we were playing Monopoly?" Matt grasped at the back of the refrigerator with a sickened look on his face- finally retrieving an open packet of cheese that had more mould than Stilton.

Tai gazed at it blankly.

"I'm hungry, but…"

"Not _that_ hungry, right?" Matt grinned.

Two hours later and the boys were preparing for bed. Gabumon had already retreated back to the Digiworld, promising he'd be there for Matt in a second if needed.

"You wanna top and tail, Teek?" Matt asked as he spread out a bedcover on the floor for Tai.

"Sure, if you want." TK shrugged. "I don't mind."

Gradually, they changed into their bedclothes (or, more correctly, they all changed into variants of Matt's bedclothes) and climbed into bed.

TK snuggled into his pillow and pushed Matt's feet out of his way.

"This bed's not big enough for the both of us." He muttered tiredly under his breath. Matt smiled silently to himself, thought that he was lucky TK wasn't taller or he'd have the same foot-in-my-face problem, and clicked out his bedside lamp.

* * *

"_With the showers on, Ishida Yamato, there's nobody who can hear you scream._

"_Nobody can hear you scream._

"_Nobody can hear you scream."_

_Gokansha's grotesque face loomed darkly in front of him as he thought to run. Unable to move his feet, or scream, his only option was to shrink, to make himself small, to hide and to hope. He could feel his heart beating faster and faster, Gokansha approaching with every step, every dark breath he took reminding Matt of the reason for his pain and his self-loathing and his fear and his scarred wrists…_

_And then, as darkness always does, it fell, enveloping him in a double edged sword of hider and seeker as his own darkness approached and engulfed him…_

_He could hear his attacker breathing, feel his body being crushed by matchless pressure, feel the water around his feet, his knees…_

_He could hear the words, those unforgettable, unbreakable words;_

"_Nobody can hear your scream."_

_He could feel the tears on his own face, and the clasping of his attacker's hand on his arm-_

Matt woke, a guttural scream suffocating in his throat. As he tried to remember how to breathe, he realised for the first time that there really _was_ a hand on his arm. He slapped the hand off, snatching his arm back and clutching it to his body. A bead of sweat lazily drifted down his temple.

"Matt, it's okay…" It even took him a second or two to recognise the voice as TK's.

"It's okay, it's me… It's me…" TK's voice was quiet and worried- but mostly comforting. Matt glanced about the room and gradually began to recognise things that were his in the darkness. His stereo system was a familiar shape in the darkness- as was the chest of drawers in the corner.

Matt felt TK get out of bed and heard him heading for his end. The draft immediately invaded the space TK had been in, and he shivered as his feet became cold.

TK reached forward for Matt's bedside lamp, but he was intercepted by Matt's hand. Even in the darkness, Matt could sense TK's worried eyes on him.

"No, you'll wake Tai up." Matt whispered, his voice caught in the depths of his throat.

Moments later, TK turned the light on anyway, and gave Matt a comforting but sceptical look.

"When Tai's sleeping, it'd take a _fire truck_ to wake him up." TK whispered. Matt didn't respond. He squinted down at the bedcovers, his eyes more used to the darkness than the light.

TK rubbed his eyes and climbed up to sit next to Matt on the bed.

"You woke me up. You were kicking in the bed, and I could hear you trying to scream in your sleep." TK yawned, squinting back at Matt- his own eyes not yet accustomed either.

"Sorry." Matt replied quietly. "It was just a stupid dream."

"Wanna share?"

"No." Matt shook his head to emphasise his words. TK shrugged.

"Okay." He knew not to press Matt when he said 'no' like that. That was a 'I wont tell you because you're the little brother and I'm the big brother and it makes me feel weak' no.

There was a silence and TK got up again to turn out the light and climb back in to his end of the bed.

"I'm tired of being frightened Teek." Matt's tearful voice drifted down to him quietly. Immediately, TK turned tail and climbed over Matt to the top end of the bed.

He couldn't think of anything useful to say; he was still too tired. But there was one eternal language that he could use to get his point across.

He hugged Matt tightly as he sniffled into his little brother's shoulder.

* * *

_**Wednesday…**_

Matt's first day back at school was long and hard. He suffered the questions of his classmates fairly patiently- but that was partly because Tai deflected many of them. Nevertheless, trying to get back into some sense of normality was draining. Matt felt pressured to get it all right in one go, as though he should simply be able to slip back into the swing of things.

He quickly discovered that it wasn't so easy.

Questions, looks, assumptions and demands surrounded him, quickly making him lose his fusewire temper.

"Tai, I'm going home!" Matt stormed, slamming his locker door shut, not even checking if it had locked itself- and certainly not looking at the friend who was asking him to persevere.

"Matt, if you don't-"

"Look, Tai, Dad said to go home if I couldn't handle it, and I can't, so I'm going!"

"It'll just get harder, Matt!" Tai yelled impatiently. He was silenced by the haunted look in Matt's eyes.

"I don't want to be here." Tai tried not to notice the fraught and angry tears in Matt's eyes- tears that were no doubt directed inwards. But he couldn't ignore them.

"Matt, why don't you calm down and-"

"No, Tai. I know it won't get easier. But I want to go home." Matt started to walk away.

"Maybe it'd be better if I never came back at all." He whispered. Tai had to strain his ears, but he heard that comment- and he didn't like it.

"_Oh_ no… Not again…" Tai's expression dissolved into a scowl. He chased after Matt and grabbed his arm.

"I _heard_ that, Matt. You'd do that to us again?" Matt matched eyes with Tai- and saw the deep turmoil his words had caused expressed on his friend's face. He recoiled a little.

"No, I-"

"You think I can just let you run off home now? You think I can take my eyes off you for one minute?" Tai ranted, his breathing heavy.

"You think I can let you go after what you just said? I have to look after you, I have to-"

"You don't have to do _anything_, Tai! I'm big enough to look after myself!" Matt yelled angrily in response. He turned again, but found Tai still hanging onto his arm.

"Let go, Tai."

"No!"

"Let _go_!"

"_No_!"

"_Tai_!" Matt yelled, pulling Tai along behind him in his desperation to leave. However, Tai would not be deterred and continued to cling.

They found themselves attracting strange looks and giggly comments as they marched down the hallway, Matt still trying to disentangle himself from the tenacious Tai.

"Tai! Get off!"

"No way."

"Get off, _now_!"

Matt pulled his arm until Tai's grip started to slip. Inadvertently, he dug his nails into Matt's wrists as he lost his hold and fell sharply to his backside. Matt cried out in pain, turned tail and ran for all he was worth while he had the chance.

"_Matt_!" Tai yelled after him from the floor. He watched, distraught, as Matt ran.

"No way_._" Tai muttered to himself, yanking his cell phone out of his back pocket and hoping it wasn't broken after his inadvertent trip to the floor.

* * *

When Matt walked in through his front door, he was amazed to find TK sitting in a dining chair, bag by his feet, hands clutched together.

"TK? What are you _doing _here?"

"I could ask the same of you." TK's voice was cold- an unfamiliar temperature for use with his brother. Matt was taken aback.

"This is my _home_- _that's _what I'm doing here." Matt spoke sourly, not keen on being questioned in that way.

"And you came home to do _what_?" TK's voice was still icy. Matt swung around on his way to the kitchen.

"Why? What _is _everybody's deal with this?" he asked angrily, turning again and stomping over to the glass' cupboard.

"Tai called me, and he told me what you said." TK responded, not placing his eyes on his brother.

"So, you guys never normally listen to me, why break the habit of a lifetime?" Matt responded quickly, pouring himself a glass of lemonade- and pointedly not offering one to his brother.

"That's not true." TK lifted his head immediately.

"Don't tell me; Tai called you, told you I was going to try to top myself and you skipped school to make sure I wasn't that stupid." Matt's tone rubbed harshly against TK's worry.

"Sure, laugh if you think it's funny. Bust trust me, it isn't. It isn't funny to know you weren't there for your brother when he needed you, it's not funny to be frightened of doing the same thing again, it's not _funny_ to be told that your brother tried to kill himself, it's not-"

"I _get_ the picture, okay?" Matt interrupted.

"No! What if it's _not _okay? Because it's _not!_ You can't just go around, throwing away words like that, it's…it's not funny! Don't say what you don't mean!" TK returned angrily.

"So, you'd rather I _meant _it? You'd rather I _had _come home to die? Would that make you feel better?!" Matt yelled angrily, staring into the glass of lemonade like an oracle. His conscience directed his gaze away from his brother- his words too cold, he knew.

"No! Of _course _it wouldn't! What do you think I am, crazy?"

"No, but clearly everyone thinks _I _am!"

"Well, if you go around acting crazy, what else are people supposed to think!?" TK responded. For the first time, Matt looked at his brother- and it sparked another tirade.

"Sure I know you're not crazy. But you have to stop being so…so…I don't know…" TK was lost for a moment.

"Can't everybody just _leave _me _alone_?" Matt scowled darkly, slamming the lemonade glass on the counter without having taken a drop.

"Is that what you really want? You want us all to leave you alone? You want us to take away all the support and help we've been trying to give you? Because I'll tell you something Matt, when Tai called me and told me what you said, it made me feel like it had all been for nothing." TK's voice was sad and hurting- but Matt refused to acknowledge this.

Matt picked up his bag and made to leave.

"Where are you going?" TK asked angrily. Matt chose not to answer this question, but rather to return to the comment his brother had just made.

"Maybe it all _was_." He hissed.

TK's face froze.

His hand snapped out, clutching Matt's wrist and making him hiss in pain.

"What did you say?" TK asked, disbelievingly.

"I _said, _'Maybe it all _was_'." Matt repeated, no pause for scruples. He looked between his arm and TK, indicating that his brother should let go _right now_. But he got something else instead.

"_Fine_! Then go out and kill yourself, see if I care, you selfish b! I want to help you, but I'm out of ideas, so go out and get cold and dead and I don't care if I _never_ see you again!" TK's eyes were full of tears, and as the tirade continued, they ran over. Matt was frozen by TK's sudden outburst, but unfroze immediately when TK's hand struck his face in a forceful slap. TK immediately let go of Matt's wrist and Matt ran- blinded by his own tears and hoping only to be able to find the door, let alone get out of it.

He left TK crying on the floor, regretting every little thing he'd said and hoping that his brother hadn't taken it literally…

"I'm sorry, Matt… Oh, _God_, I'm so sorry…"…

* * *

Matt speedwalked, wiping the tears out of his eyes as he went. He passed shops and people and trees and didn't really notice a single one of them.

_Now even TK hates me…_

_I can't believe it…_

_He hates me…_

_Not that I can blame him…_

_What was I thinking, what was I saying?!_

_I can't…I can't believe I hurt him that much…_

_Did I really do that…?_

_Oh, God, what was I thinking?_

_I don't think I _was_ thinking…_

_He's gone through Hell for me lately…_

_And I've gone and made an idiot of myself again._

_Poor Teek…_

_No wonder he hates me._

Matt continued to walk quickly, trying to defy these new tears, these new feelings.

_I _hate _it when I hurt TK…_

_Of all the people in the world, he is the _last _person…_

_He's my baby brother, I'm supposed to _protect _him from hurt, not _make _him hurt…_

_I…I love him…_

_And now he hates me…_

Matt stopped and threw himself against the wall he was passing forcefully.

"Why am I _like _this! How can I keep _doing _this to people!?" He looked skywards for an answer. The clouds passed on dutifully, but did not provide him with one.

You _did this to me…_

You…

_Gokansha, you b._

You_ did this to me._

_You changed me._

_Sure, I wasn't perfect before, but… now…_

_What you did to me made me leave my brother crying on the floor, made my brother slap me…_

_Well, maybe that slap put my brain in gear- or maybe it just knocked it out…_

_But I think I needed it. _

Matt started to walk again, slowly, dragging his fingers along the brick wall and actually feeling it. They bounced up and down between the bricks and the mortar. Soon, the wall came to an end, and Matt found himself looking out at the river through chicken wire fencing. He put his hands on it, clutching the wire between his fingers and staring out at the water as it passed glibly by.

_You made me hurt my brother…_

_You b._

Matt started to consider how this was affecting the people around him. He'd done this before- but not with the clear mind he suddenly seemed to have. He knew that many of the others could stand up for themselves- but he was _used _to standing up for TK. The big brother act was a hard one to drop. Plus the fact that TK had just shown that he wasn't up to it, that despite his best efforts he couldn't cope.

_It's not fair on him. I've relied on him too much._

_I'm sorry, little brother. I'll make it better, I promise. _

Matt stood for a while longer, looking across the river. He remembered an old saying- or part of it. Something about the river being stronger than the rock because it could move around and move on…? Because it could leave the past behind? Because it could… Something like that, anyway.

But, to say goodbye to the past and move on, you had to bury it…

You had to _not _be afraid of the things that frightened you anymore…

And that was gonna be hard.

And it wasn't gonna be instant.

And it was gonna mean calling in a few more favours.

* * *

Izzy fought to get his phone out of his pocket as he walked to the lunch room. He also made a mental note to himself to change the ring tone.

_There _has _to be something better than that on the Scientifics Anonymous website…_

He finally won the battle with the phone.

And why is Matt calling me?

"Hi, Matt. What's up?"

"Izzy, it's me. Oh, wait- you know that."

"Yup." Izzy grinned to himself.

"I need a favour."

"Mm-hm?" Izzy's face developed worry-lines. He knew that tone of voice.

"I need you to get an address for me."

"Sure, if you'll let me just get a pen and paper, I'll look it up for you later, when-"

"No, Izzy. Now."

"What, _right _now?" Izzy thought longingly about the lunchbox his mother had painstakingly prepared for him that morning.

"Yes, right now." Matt replied. Izzy heard the urgency in Matt's voice.

"Must be important."

"It _is._" Matt emphasised.

"Where are you, anyway? Tai was asking after you earlier…" Izzy attempted carefully, but was deflected instantly.

"Doesn't matter where I am, I'm fine and I'm hoping to stay that way."

"Okay, that sounds good. Wait a sec- I'll get to the computer room and look up the address you want on the Internet."

"Sure." Matt responded.

Izzy made his way quickly to the computer room, phone constantly to his ear. Matt listened intently and smiled on the odd occasion he caught Izzy muttering when he forgot the line was still connected.

Planting himself in front of a computer and dialling-up, he finally said,

"Okay, what name do you want?"

"Gokansha." Matt's voice said haltingly. Izzy couldn't speak for a moment, but when he found his voice, he said,

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

"Then you're crazy."

"Some seem to think so." He heard Matt laugh nervously. Izzy scowled.

"No, I mean it, you're cracked! You're not thinking of going there, are you?!"

"No, I'm not _thinking_ about it. Not anymore."

Izzy turned away from the computer in a useless gesture- after all, Matt couldn't see it.

"No, I won't do it." He huffed.

"Yes you will." Matt's voice was firm.

"No! No, I'm not!"

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm- not getting into this conversation!" Izzy interrupted the pantomime.

"If you don't do it, I'll just get someone else to do it, or I'll go home and get it myself." Matt said calmly- too calmly.

"But- It's crazy! _You're_ crazy!"

"So you keep telling me." Matt sighed.

"Matt… You're gonna get hurt."

"No I'm not. Gabumon's gonna come with me."

"So you're _both _crazy!"

"Izzy, listen. I have to do this for me. I have to do this for Dad. Most especially, I have to do this for TK."

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind that now, just get me that address." Matt's patience was starting to wear thin. Izzy fought with himself for a moment longer. Finally, he sighed wearily and turned back to the computer.

"Okay. But, just one thing…"

"Mm-hmm?"

"Be careful."

"Uh-huh." Matt responded.

Izzy clicked on the keyboard for a little while, ringing up websites and directory enquiries programs. Finally, he sighed.

"You're sure you want this?"

"Go for it." Matt's reply was instant.

With a worried scowl, Izzy read out the address on the screen in front of him. He heard the excitement in Matt's voice as he thanked him and ended the call.

Izzy sighed once more and put the phone back into his pocket. He gazed down at his bag, where his lunchbox was comfortably nesting.

Suddenly he wasn't hungry anymore.

* * *

_End of Chapter Six. Thank you very much for reading :)_


	7. Chapter 7

**

* * *

**

Red and White

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together._

* * *

_**Chapter Seven**_

"Davis!"

Davis heard his name being called urgently. In fact, it distracted him so much that he ended up heading the ball unintentionally. For a moment, he could hear more voices, and most of them sounded like ringing bells. In the instant afterwards, he landed straight on his rump.

"Ow!" he proclaimed bitterly, trying to decide which to rub first- his head or his backside.

"You okay, Davis?" A fellow soccer player called, all action having halted at that moment.

"Yeah, I guess so." Davis got up, sulkily, and looked around for the person who had called him so intently. Play continued behind him, and eventually his eyes settled on the figure calling him from the fence. White shirt, blonde hair…Even at this distance, there could only be one friend the tall form could be. Davis sulked all the way up to the fence.

"Matt! Do you know how much that hurt?" he grumbled. Matt pulled a face.

"Sorry… Listen, Davis? I need a favour."

"Like what?" Davis rubbed his head pointedly.

"I need you to get Gabumon out of the Digiworld for me."

"Why?"

"Because I need him for something."

In nature of his character, Davis immediately leapt to conclusions.

"It's the Digiworld, right? Something's come out of the Digiworld and we have to stop it before it wrecks the city! A-and before it calls up all it's friends and, and- I just _knew _it had been too quiet! And I didn't even get to finish my soccer game!" he lamented, his speech quick and excitable.

"No, no, it's nothing like that!" Matt placated, both hands extended in a plea for calm. "It's not like that. I just need to… to go on an errand with him."

"Where are you going?" Davis asked, curious to see what kind of errand (other than the end of the world) required a Digimon this instantly.

"Aheh, well, you know…" Matt was momentarily lost for words, and the look on his face betrayed it. "Don't _you _have to take Veemon places with you sometimes?"

"Well, sure, bu-"

"Well, then." Matt interrupted, before Davis could fully formulate his 'but'.

"I guess… But what if there's lots of people in the computer room?" Davis asked. Matt shrugged.

"We'll cross that bridge later. Come on, let me in."

Davis dutifully traipsed along the line of the fence to the gate at the end of it. Matt walked in immediately and grabbed Davis' wrist, walking his quickly to the main building.

"Hey, Matt! What's the rush?" Davis complained, pulling himself free of the older boy's grasp. He rubbed his wrist mournfully. Matt stopped.

"Sorry Davis. I'm just in a bit of a rush, that's all." Matt apologised, noticing the red mark on Davis' wrist.

"S'okay." Davis replied quietly. They began to walk again, a little slower- but Davis could tell Matt would rather be running.

"Is something wrong, Matt? And where's TK today, I haven't seen him."

"No, nothing's wrong. And I'm _not_ my brother's keeper. I don't know exactly where he is."

_I could make a rough guess though. _

Matt's mind flashed back to TK on the floor, crying…

"Oh. So he's not sick or anything?"

"Not so far as I know." Matt replied cooly- but his conscience panged and he though to himself

_Not physically at least. I'm sorry TK, I should never have been so cold. _

"I really am sorry about your wrist, Davis." Matt said, still walking. Davis was surprised at the sincerity in his voice.

"Sure. It's fine. Don't worry about it." He mumbled in reply.

They stopped outside the computer room and peered in. It was empty, except for one boy tapping away in the corner.

"How do we get rid of him?" Matt wondered out loud. Davis grinned.

"Didn't you hear the fire alarm? It was going off just now, there must have been an explosion in the science lab again! Quick, you have to leave!" Davis almost leapt on the poor boy, at least a year lower than him. He leapt almost out of his skin and scuttled away. Davis followed him right up to the door, chanting,

"Left, right, left, right, you get the teachers and I'll make sure all the fire doors are shut!"

Matt stifled a contrite smile as Davis returned, looking pleased with himself.

"That was mean, you know that don't you?"

"Sure! But I got the idea from a guy who did that to _me _once when _I _was his age! It's funnier now, though." Davis grinned wickedly.

They moved towards a nearby terminal, and Davis tapped on the computer a little, bringing up the Digiworld Entry screen. A few seconds and a flash of light later, the portal was open.

"I'll only be a few minutes. Wait here for me."

"Sure." Davis nodded. "Say hi to everybody for me!"

Matt disappeared into the Digiworld and quickly found his Gabumon. Or, rather more correctly, his Gabumon found _him_.

"Matt! What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at school?" Gabumon asked worriedly.

"Gabumon, I need your help." Matt said. No sooner were the words out of his mouth, than Gabumon's face grew hard.

"Whatever I can do for you my friend, I will do."

Matt smiled gratefully, and then looked awkward.

"I don't think you're gonna like what I'm asking."

Gabumon raised an eyebrow

* * *

Davis was in the middle of an orange when Matt and Gabumon returned from the Digiworld. He temporarily stopped munching on the orange as they reappeared, and then disappeared quickly out of the door, appearing to ignore him completely. It seemed that heated words were being exchanged.

The door slammed behind them. Davis carried on chewing.

"Davis? Why are Matt and Gabumon fighting?" Demi-Veemon asked from beneath the table. He clung to Davis' leg.

Davis shrugged.

"Mm- I don't know. Maybe Gabumon hasn't taken Matt's book back to the library yet and he's been fined?"

"Davis?"

"Mmm?"

"I don't think that's it."

* * *

"Matt, it's crazy! You can't be thinking straight!"

"I'm thinking straight for the first time in weeks, Gabumon." Matt strolled down the corridor towards the main exit. Gabumon struggled to keep up with him, slightly encumbered by Matt's blazer- currently being used to keep his features hidden.

"But- but you could be hurt! _Killed_!"

"Is it cold to say 'I know you'd never let that happen'?" Matt opened the foyer door and herded Gabumon out of it.

"No, because I would always do my best to make sure it didn't! But Matt! What are you going to do when you get there?"

No reply.

"Matt!" Gabumon ran to catch up with Matt's fast pace again.

Tai poked his lunch suspiciously. He glanced at the clock. And at his phone on the table. And at the clock. And at his deflated-looking chicken and rice. And at his phone. And at-

"Tai. That phone won't ring on it's own. Why don't you call TK and see what's going on?" Sora asked worriedly. Tai glanced at Sora, then back at the phone.

"I don't wanna interrupt something important or anything." Tai huffed, pushing a rice grain across the table with his chopsticks.

"You won't know until you call." Sora prompted. She was also deeply concerned about Matt. Despite leaving him a lot of his own space over the past few weeks, she had often called to see how he was- and if she couldn't get hold of Matt, she'd ask Tai.

Sora looked up as Izzy came over to sit at the table with them. He put down the tray he was carrying, complete with perfect lunchbox and found himself a seat. He instantly looked guilty. Sora noticed this first- after all, Tai was far too interested in the clock, his lunch and his phone right then. Izzy pulled a face and then turned to Tai.

"Tai? Um…Did you ever hear from Matt?"

A pointed 'Hmph!' what the only response he got from his friend.

"Only, um…" Izzy continued, instantly grabbing Tai's attention. He looked up, one eyebrow raised.

"Um…"

"Yes, _um_…?" Tai prompted.

"Well, he called me." Izzy turned his attention to his lunchbox and tried to look innocent. Tai however, nearly leapt out of his chair.

"What?!"

"He called me on my cell phone." Izzy sighed.

"When? And why didn't you tell me earlier!?" Tai ranted. He paused suddenly, realising that the entire lunch room was staring at him quizzically. He slowly drifted back down into his chair.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" He hissed angrily.

"When was the last time I saw you, Tai?" Izzy raised an eyebrow. Tai put the squeeze on a few braincells and finally came out with,

"When I told you to tell me if you heard from Matt?"

"Exactly." Izzy opened the lunchbox with an air of superiority.

Tai looked flummoxed for a second.

"But-but you could have called me."

"He only called _me _about twenty minutes ago, Tai." Izzy broke out the chopsticks.

"Well, what'd he have to say for himself?" Tai grunted, allowing himself to be mad now only because he knew Matt was all right.

"Um…" Izzy froze, chopsticks half-way to his mouth. Tai narrowed his eyes.

"_Um…_?"

"He, ah…Um…" Izzy stuttered. "It wasn't my fault, Tai…"

"_What _wasn't?" Tai asked suspiciously. Izzy put the chopsticks down for a moment.

"Um…He wanted an address… So I went onto the Internet to find it for him…"

"So? Whose address was it?" Tai asked, shrugging dismissively.

"Ahah, well, you know, Tai, I don't think you'd ever believe me if I told you so hey, how about I d-"

Tai gave Izzy a burningly aggressive look.

"It was Gokansha's!" Izzy replied so quickly that all the words merged into one. He tried to hide behind his lunchbox as Tai again sprung to his feet.

"_What_!?"

"I had to give it to him, Tai, he said he'd just go find it himself if I didn't get it for him!" Izzy defended, finally looking Tai in the eye.

"He's crazy! What'd he want to know something like that for!?" Tai raged.

"The only reason I can think of…" Sora began haltingly. Izzy looked at her, and the expression that passed between them confirmed that they were thinking on the same wavelength.

Tai, on the other hand, didn't even dare try to confirm what _he_ was thinking.

"He wouldn't…" Tai frowned angrily. Izzy looked at Tai and lifted a concerned eyebrow.

"He _would_." Tai answered himself, an expression of worry fettering his features.

"He's crazy!" Tai repeated. Izzy sighed.

"He doesn't seem to think so."

"Visiting the home of your-" Tai froze, because that wasn't something the whole lunchroom needed to know. Indeed, many of the pupils hadn't been told at all what had happened.

"Visiting the home of your rapist isn't exactly sane!" He hissed.

"So then we have to do something." Sora said, her expression hard. Izzy nodded.

"But what?" He asked.

Tai thought for a moment, then shrugged.

"_Go_ there."

Izzy looked at his lunch forlornly. He really _wasn't_ going to get his lunchbox today.

* * *

Masaharu gazed at the fax he had received the night before. He had been doing so for the past thirty minutes, trying to decide what it was about it that had him so captivated. A small section of the back of his mind gnawed at this bone of contention, and his brow furrowed.

_What am I not getting about this fax? What am I not looking at properly?_

_I mean, they must have sent it for a reason, right?_

_But…it just follows my criteria. Local and National unsolved teacher/student rape crimes in the past twenty years…_

_No, this was in the past _25_ years or so… It's still too old…_

_So, why…_

_Ahhh…_

_Kuso._

Irritatedly, Masaharu screwed up the fax and threw it into the trash can by his desk.

"Boss?" came a nervous call from the doorway. Masaharu looked up to see Gempachi hanging over his doorframe. Masaharu raised an eyebrow in response.

"Wow… Do you actually _do_any work anymore?" Gempachi asked. Masaharu sighed.

"No, not really. What do you want?"

"The new cut's finished- if you want to see it. 'Rabid Sheep' is gonna be the biggest show!"

"Sure. I'll-"

Masaharu was interrupted by his cell phone. He took it out of his pocket, glanced at the word 'HOME' which was currently displayed on it and said,

"I'll be along in a minute. Shut the door behind you."

Gempachi grumbled a little to himself at this ejection as he left, closing the door to.

Masaharu answered the call.

"Hello, Matt?"

A small voice answered.

"No, Dad. It's me."

Masaharu was taken aback at how unusual his youngest son sounded.

"TK? What's wrong, son?" Masaharu asked gently. This gentle probing was more than enough to launch the emotional TK into tears again.

"Come on, TK, tell me what's wrong?"

"I th-think I killed Matt…"

"…What?" Masaharu's jaw dropped. "What did you say, TK?"

"I think I k-killed Matt. We-we had a big fight, and I told him that I didn't care if I never saw him again, but- I do really! I didn't mean it!" TK forced, slipping and sliding into tears again.

"Now, TK… I'm sure you might have upset him, but I don't think you killed him…" Masaharu placated gently, not quite sure yet how serious this 'fight' had been.

"N-no, Dad, you don't understand… Tai said that, that…" TK swallowed and continued, "That Matt said something about not being around anymore, or not being able to go to school and we thought he was gonna do something stupid to himself, and, and-"

"TK, calm down. You're gonna make yourself sick." Masaharu's voice was stern. Despite his parental need to understand what had gone on, he could tell that his child was at the end of this emotional tether.

"And so I came home to your place and we both said some bad things and- and I smacked him. Right round the face. And told him to…to…" TK's voice flooded again.

"Tell me, TK." Masaharu said firmly, checking that his apartment keys were in his pocket and heading towards the door.

"I said that he should just go and k-kill himself if that's what he wanted to do, because I didn't care anymore! A-and he went straight out, I don't know where he was going- B-but I _do_care, I just-" Again, TK was taken by his uncontrollable tears.

"I just couldn't stand being so angry and sad and worried about him! I'm sorry, Dad, I'm so sorry…"

"Okay, TK. Okay. You're still at our place, right?"

"Y-yeah…"

"Okay, I'm coming home. You stay there for me, okay?"

"Yeah."

"Have you tried calling Matt's cell?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Any answer?"

"N-no…" wept TK.

"Okay.. All right, chiisa-na, I'll be right home. You stay there, and I'll be with you in just a little bit. Okay?"

"Yeah…

"I'm sorry, I-"

"I know, I know." Soothed Masaharu, suddenly glancing into the trash can again on his way out of the door. He suddenly ran over and rescued the abused fax from it's current home in the trash and threw it onto his desk.

"I'm leaving now TK, okay?"

"Okay."

"Take care."

Masaharu hung up the phone and made once more to leave, taking one last look at the screwed up fax on the table- and finally decided to take it with him.

Before he even got to the end of the corridor, the phone rang again. This time, Tai's name appeared in the LCD window. Tai and Masaharu had exchanged so many phone calls about Matt recently, that Masaharu had installed Tai's number into his phone.

"Ut-oh." Masaharu stated quietly. He knew that a call from Tai was a sign of trouble- even if TK _hadn't_ already called him, he'd have known then.

He answered the call.

"Tai?"

"Mr Ishida, I lost Matt. I'm sorry…"

"TK already told me about it."

"Yeah? What happened?"

"He and Matt had a fight, apparently."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Masaharu's eyebrows furrowed as he thought again about his distraught son.

"What happened?" Tai asked again.

"They fought, TK hit him and Matt ran out."

"Oh. Well- we think we know where he's headed." Tai informed. Masaharu could hear the heavy tone to his voice.

"Where?"

"You're not gonna like it…"

"Just tell me, Tai."

"I'm on my way there now, with some of the others. We think…

"We think he's gone to Mr Gokansha's house."

Masaharu froze, trapped inside the sudden terror bubble that ensconced him.

"_What _did you say, Tai?"

"Mr Goka-" Tai began, but was quickly interrupted.

"My _God_, what does he think he's doing?! What's he- how do you know!?"

"Well, he called Izzy and asked him to get the address off the Internet…."

"What?! And Izzy gave it to him, just like that?!" Masaharu ranted. "Is Izzy there with you now?"

"Izzy?"

On the other end of the line, Tai looked across the bus stop at Izzy. Izzy winced.

"Um, no…Izzy's not here right now." Tai lied protectively, wincing himself. Lying to Matt's dad didn't feel good.

"_God_…This is _crazy_…" Masaharu hissed. "You've got the address, right? Give it to me."

Masaharu ran through the double doors at the end of the corridor he was currently in, and wrestled a pen out of a clerk's hand. The stunned clark just looked at Masaharu as he frantically scribbled on the back of a screwed-up piece of paper.

"Okay, Tai. Sure.

"Yes, go if you think you can stop Matt- but don't put yourselves in any danger. Okay? I don't need moms and dads chewing off my ears.

"Okay. I'll be there."

The clerk was still watching Masaharu, intrigued, as he put the phone away.

"What are you looking at?" Masaharu said, defensively. The clerk held up his hands in a peace gesture and opened his drawer to get another pen. Clearly, it wasn't worth fighting Masaharu for the other one.

Masaharu tried to smooth the creases out of the scrunched-up paper he'd written the address on- then realised that it was the reverse-side of the fax he'd been carrying. So concentrated on TK, and then Matt, he'd absently been carrying it in his hand instead of putting it in his pocket.

He turned it over, looking once more at the front of the fax. The boy in the photograph even _looked_ like Matt…

Suddenly, journalistic instinct kicked in.

"Eichi! _Eichi_!" Masaharu yelled, catching sight of somebody on the other side of the office. He made his way quickly over to the window, where he could still see the figure silhouetted.

"Hey, Masaharu. What can I do you for?" Asked Eichi, a bunch of papers in hand.

"I want you to do a property check for me." Masaharu asked quickly.

"Sure- pop it on my desk and I'll have a look at it later."

"No, Eichi. I need it _now_." Masaharu's voice was not aggressive- just assertive.

Eichi gazed at Masaharu for a moment and then replied.

"Okay. Come this way."

Masaharu followed Eichi through the office space to his desk- a small affair with a computer and an awful lot of yellow sticky-notes. Eichi made himself comfortable in the chair at the computer.

"Okay. Where, when…?" He held his hand out as Masaharu handed him the fax. Eichi looked confused, and was about to open his mouth when Masaharu turned the fax over. Eichi's face cleared like spring rainclouds.

"Ah! Okay…"

Eichi tapped for a while.

"Okay… Records show that the house is inhabited by a Mr A Gokansha. Erm… Previous owner was a Mr. F Ashikaga, who apparently lived there until death in 2000 with his wife, Mrs. N Ashikaga. She died two months after him."

"Ashikaga!-" Masaharu leapt for the fax and turned it over.

He read over it in a strange, twisted kind of excitement.

"Ashikaga Baiko- that was the name of the boy who killed himself! Ashikaga… Does it mention any other co-inhabitants?"

"Um… Yeah, one son. Ashikaga Atasuke."

"Oh my God… Can we get a first name on the current inhabitant?"

"Yup, wait just a second…" Eichi tapped some more and squinted at his computer screen.

"Gokansha Atasuke."

"Cross-reference 'Gokansha Atasuke' under 'Name Change by Deed-poll." Masaharu instructed, his eyes glued to the screen.

"That'll take a couple minutes." Eichi advised, making some more rapid tapping noises. Masaharu made some of his own tapping noises as he rapped his fingers on the top of Eichi's little desk-cabin.

Eichi looked up slowly.

"_Please _don't do that, Masaharu."

"Sorry."

* * *

Masaharu had almost bitten his nails to the cuticle as he waited impatiently for Eichi to complete the search. Eventually, Eichi sighed out a breath.

"Wow. Okay, that's your man. Ashikaga Atasuke, name changed to Gokansha Atasuke 7th December 1993."

"Gotcha. You b, I've got you now…" Masaharu smiled bitterly.

"How long has he lived there?"

"Lemme see…" Eichi looked back at his previous search and scrutinised it.

"Inherited it when Mommy died in February 2001- didn't move in until August 2001."

Masaharu grabbed the fax and ran for the door, shouting behind him,

"Thanks Eichi! You could be saving a life here!"

"Sure thing!" Eichi shouted back. He sighed as he watched Masaharu fight with the door and then leave by it.

"That guy's way too high-strung."

* * *

Matt leapt carefully off the bus, making sure that Gabumon was behind him. He turned and walked towards the end of the road- trying to get to his destination without remembering why right now.

"Matt? Matt, stop for a second." Gabumon said softly. Matt did so, but he did't turn to face Gabumon.

"Do you really want to do this? I mean, is this really what you want?" Gabumon asked carefully.

"If you don't want to come Gabumon, you can just go." Matt said, anger tilting his voice.

"I just… I just want you to be sure you know what you're doing." Gabumon said. "I'll be with you, whatever you choose."

"I choose for this to never have happened." Matt whispered. Gabumon couldn't see the tears in Matt's eyes, but he could hear them in his voice.

"I'm definitely with you on that, my friend. But by doing this, you could be putting yourself in great danger."

"I have to find out why, Gabumon. I have to ask him why he did it, why he chose me. What- what was it about me? He said I was always clean, but- but it couldn't have just been that, I mean, it…" Matt fumbled. He wiped his eyes.

"Come on, Matt. Let's just go home." Gabumon coaxed gently.

"No!"

"But why?" Gabumon asked desperately.

"I _have _to do this! I have to do it for me, for TK, for everybody- I _have_ to face my fear!" Matt yelled, suddenly walking forward again.

"But is this the _only _way?"

"_Yes_!" Matt yelled over his shoulder, and kept walking at a pace he knew was too fast for Gabumon. He wanted a chance to compose himself before his Digimon caught up with him.

He sniffed, and dug in his pocket for the bus ticket he'd written the address on. Unfurling it carefully, he re-read the information.

Within ten minutes, he found himself standing outside a white house, in the classier area of town. He took a deep breath and started to walk up the path towards the front door.

_What am I doing?_

_What am I _doing_?!_

_Are Izzy and Gabumon and all those people right- am I _crazy_?_

_This- this guy raped me…_

He did things…

Matt's mind flicked back to the red lines on his wrists...

He remembered picking out the packet of razorblades from the bathroom cabinet. He remembered pulling one of them out of the plastic case, sliding it out of the paper sheath. He remembered distantly gazing at it for a good few minutes as he sat in the silence of his bedroom…

He remembered breaking the skin, and how much it _didn't_ hurt…

He remembered how cold the blood got, and how quickly…

He remembered red on white bed covers, reaching out for his bedside lamp, not really seeing or feeling anything. Remembered the spats of red that appeared under his wrist on the base of the lamp…

Remembered the inviting darkness.

Matt stopped where he was, half-way up the path. He hadn't realised he was panting with fear. He glanced down at Gabumon, who was watching him closely- only a second from digivolving. Matt shook his head to indicate for him to hold it.

He turned back to the pristine front door, and more memories sprang to mind…

Painfully, the first was of TK, crying on the floor…

Then he remembered the expression of sadness and worry his father had worn whilst sitting vigil beside him in the hospital- an expression that had hardly left his face lately.

He remembered Tai, crying in the janitor's closet.

He remembered the disbelieving policemen, his mother, his concerned friends…

And TK…crying on the floor…

And the resolve he had suddenly lost returned, propelling him towards the door. Towards that pristine red and white front door…

Before he knew it, he'd knocked on the door and Gabumon was pushing himself to the fore.

The seconds passed like hours before the door began to open.

Gokansha was standing in the doorway.

_Gokansha_ was _standing_ in the _doorway_.

_I can't move…_

_No, not now! Not now!_

_I can't move…!_Matt thought desperately to himself. The terror must have shown in his eyes, because Gokansha smiled that vicious smile.

"Ishida Yamato. Why don't you come in?"

* * *

Masaharu opened his front door quickly- finding the front room totally dark and the curtains shut.

"TK? Are you still here?" he called, closing the door noisily behind him. There was no response, so Masaharu stomped into the front room to open the closed curtains. He turned and gasped as he set eyes on his youngest son in the corner- hugging the fluffy body of MuMu. Matt hadn't yet got around to actually handing him back to TK, and the distraught boy had found him upon wandering into Matt's bedroom.

"TK! Son, why didn't you answer me?" Masaharu asked, leaning down to pull TK gently to his feet. TK let himself be lifted out of his position in the corner, MuMu's ear held tightly in his hand. He shook his head in reply to his father's question.

"'M sorry…" he hiccuped, handing his father MuMu as a peace offering. Masaharu smiled lightly and took him, propping him up on top of the TV.

"Now, TK- first off, you didn't kill Matt. So far as we know, he's still alive and kicking." Masaharu said to his son. TK's face brightened.

"He is?"

"Yes. So far. That's the good news, though." Masaharu frowned as worry obscured his mind again.

"What's the bad news?" TK asked, dread in his voice.

"Tai called me- he thinks that Matt's gone to Mr Gokansha's house."

"No. He's nuts. He wouldn't go there, I mean- that's suicide!" TK forgot his upset immediately and it quickly turned to anger at his brother's stupidity.

"It's a long story, TK, I'll explain it on the way to Mom's place." Masaharu headed for the door again and opened it, looking back towards his son expectantly.

"Mom's? Why are we going there?"

"To take you home." Masaharu paused and waited for the verbal attack he knew would come.

It did.

"Dad, you can't take me home! Matt needs me, I have to go with you! You're going there, aren't you? Aren't you?"

Masaharu hadn't expected to have to answer the first 'aren't you?' and was surprised by the second.

"Yes, I am. But you're not." He indicated towards the door again.

"But Dad, I-"

"Can we argue about it in the car, please?" Masaharu snapped suddenly, painfully aware of the importance of time. TK, instantly silenced, followed his dad out to the car- but with an expression that said this fight wasn't over yet.

* * *

Matt forced one foot in front of the other. He could almost hear his teeth chattering in his head from terror. Gabumon took his hand and lead him through the dark passageway of the house, nearly every window covered on the inside with blackout blinds. The dirty kitchen Matt passed had a tiny window covered in a thick, yellowing net curtain. It bled white light into the rooms opposite it like a sore.

"Say the word Matt. Just say the word…" Gabumon whispered. Matt took a deep breath and shook his head.

He was following Gokansha deep into the very heart of the building, the darkness viciously crafted.

"I never thought I'd see you here. I didn't think you'd come to see me." Gokansha said over his shoulder, still wearing that wicked grin. Matt couldn't bring himself to answer; the very thought of being in the same room as Gokansha again made him feel sick.

"Seeing as you're here, I can show you everything and I know you'll understand. There's something I have to make sure you see."

"What?" asked Gabumon, acting as Matt's voice before the real Matt's voice passed out the way the rest of him wanted to.

"It's right down here." Gokansha pointed to a small flight of stairs, dropping to a mezzanine of some kind.

Matt tried to swallow his fear and step towards the mezzanine stairs, but Gabumon put himself between the two.

"I'll go first, Matt."

"Remind me again, who invited your little buddy here?" Gokansha asked, frowning an irritated frown.

_I have to face my fear…_

_I have to face my fear…_

_I have to face my fear…_

"I-I'll go first, Gabumon." Matt stuttered, again making an effort to get to the stairs. Gabumon pulled him back and immediately chastened him.

"Matt! You don't know what's down there!"

Matt glanced at Gokansha's widening smile, and felt sick to his stomach.

"I have to see…"

Gokansha finally shook his head.

"Fine. I'll go first." He announced loudly, and stomped down the stairs. Gabumon glanced at Matt and then pushed him in front- to make sure that nothing could get him from behind.

Matt was at least a little curious by now. Gokansha had acted as though he were glad to have someone to talk to and as though he had never done the things he did. But why?

As he walked down the last step, he looked up. And took a deep breath.

And tried not to be sick with it.

Wall to wall, this room was covered with pictures- cuttings from newspapers, printouts from websites and more. In the centre of the wall in front of him, was a framed picture, with a candle sconce on each side. A small stick of incence burned in the corner.

The picture was surrounded by older cuttings- some of them yellowed with time. It was also interspersed with photographs of two small boys playing, or occasionally the older of the two boys by himself.

"Ishida Yamato, I want you to meet my brother. Baiko."

Matt couldn't respond. His fear had turned into physical sickness, and his stomach felt suddenly like it had bricks in it.

"It's time, Matt. Let me Digivolve!" Gabumon hissed. Matt frowned and still shook his head.

"No. I-I don't know why yet." He whispered in response. Gokansha was too wrapped up in his 'brother' to pay any attention to their words.

"Baiko, you don't understand. I didn't ask him here, he just came-

"Please don't be mean. Please don't say those things again…" Matt watched him closely as Gokansha turned away from the shrine.

"I want to explain something to you." Gokansha turned on Matt quickly. Matt shied back and Gabumon growled angrily.

"When I was ten, my big brother killed himself. See? That's him there." Gokansha pointed back to the framed picture of the haunted boy.

"I was the one who found him. I was the one that saw the blood and that dead look on his face. He was pale and white and his eyes, they were popping out of his head almost. I found him like that. When I spoke to him, he didn't answer. He didn't answer at all. I asked him what was wrong, but- he couldn't say." Gokansha looked back to the picture on the wall. He spoke again, more distantly this time- never taking his eyes from the picture on the wall.

"When Mom and Dad moved here after he died, everything changed. I didn't know anybody- and nobody knew me. Nobody knew Baiko. That upset me- there was nobody I could talk to about him or what happened.

"Mom and Dad got me a counselor- but I didn't like him. He looked at me funny all the time. I _knew_that look. I knew it was like the look Mr Kunikida used to give Baiko.

"He hurt my onii-chan."

"W-why me?" Matt asked, forcing the fear and nausea out of his stomach for a moment. He heard himself breathe deeply for a moment, then closed his mouth again.

"You? You can't tell…?" Gokansha looked truly confused as he looked around. He turned to the picture of Baiko for support.

"You look so much like him. You look like Baiko. And I heard that you had a litle brother- a little brother like me."

"TK's _nothing_like you." Matt found himself saying it before he even thought of his fear. In fact, he was thinking of it less and less. The comparison between Gokansha and TK made him angry. TK wouldn't hurt _anybody _in the way Gokansha had hurt him.

"I idolised my onii-chan. He would always care for me, pick me up when I was down, always loved me when I thought everybody in the world had forgotten how. Then he got cold one day- wouldn't let me touch him- said he'd make me dirty."

Matt's memory snapped back to his apartment, in the dark, with TK's arms wrapped around him.

"_I shouldn't even be _touching_you." Matt said suddenly, letting go of his brother. Tears filled his eyes. TK heard the change in his voice and looked down worriedly at his brother._

"_What do you mean?"_

"He wouldn't let me near him." Gokansha continued sadly, totally distanced from Matt now.

"He said he was sorry, and that he loved me on the night he died. He said it would all be all right when he was safe again. I didn't really understand at the time. I was so wrapped up in the fact that my brother had told me he loved me, that nothing else mattered. He wasn't an emotional person like that- he didn't put his feelings into words. So, when he said that, I wandered around in a pretty pink haze for about two hours.

"Then I went up to see him.

"And that's when it all went wrong."

There was silence for a moment.

Matt eventually forced the quiet away with his voice.

"But that doesn't explain _why_. I want to know why you did it. I want to know why you… why you _hurt me_ like that. I don't- I don't' understand, I never did anything to you except m-maybe, _look _at you the wrong way."

Gokansha turned to Matt and looked at him with a patronizing expression of chastisement.

"I had to find out why _he_did it, too. I had to find out why Mr Kunikida did the things he did to Baiko so many times. So I looked at pictures of little boys and tried to get turned on by them. Tried to look at them as sexual objects and not children. Look, I have some _good_pictures over there." Gokansha pointed at the far wall. Matt, sickened by the thought but nonetheless curious, slowly looked around to that faraway barrier.

It was covered, wall to ceiling and more, in child pornography pictures. Matt gazed, dumbfounded, as pictures of little boys with no clothes on came into focus. He looked at their frightened faces, and their small, underformed bodies and wanted to cry or be sick, or both.

The longer he stared, the more he noticed small patches of red on the same wall. He turned questioningly to Gokansha.

"Oh- don't worry about the red stuff. I haven't finished decorating yet. That's all." He responded airily to Matt's implied question.

"What is it?" Matt asked, cursing his curiosity and his weak voice.

"What do _you_ think?"

"It- it looks like blood." Matt responded, looking back at Gokansha, hoping for an answer in the negative. Gokansha just laughed and said no more on the subject.

He walked back to Baiko's picture and stroked the frame carefully, plucking off spots of imaginary dust.

"I had to understand why a man could do what was done to my Onii-chan." Gokansha continued his story. "When I could finally look at a boy like that, I knew the time was right. I knew it was time to try out out, see if I could understand what made Mr Kunikida tick. I was posted to your school as a temp gym teacher. Perfect for what I wanted."

"And that's where I come into it…right…?" Matt asked haltingly.

"You were perfect." Gokansha turned to Matt and smiled a wistful smile, which made Matt feel sick again and made Gabumon want to eat the man alive.

"You were just like him. Pretty and blonde and special. I could tell you were special. And you showered on a Friday afternoon. That was… was _so _important. It made me feel as though I could do it to you, and you could wash it all off. It didn't matter. It would be clean- for the _both _of us."

Matt's blood boiled suddenly at the ease with which this man talked about the most painful experience of his life.

"How can you say that? How can you say that you didn't think it would matter!? Of _course _it mattered, it was –m-my body, it was _my _control that was in question! It was m-my privacy, my body and you had no right to do what you did! It…it was _mine_… My… My…personal me, my body and my mind and _everything_! What gave you the _right_?" his words came out in angry jumble at this despicable man in front of him. This man, who had the gall to stand there and tell him that he should have been able to wash away a pain and abuse which was both as internal and external as you could get.

"I enjoyed it. It was a good thing. I wanted to do it again, I wanted to see you again the next week. I finally understood Mr Kunikida and what he had done to Baiko." Gokansha turned on Matt, and his expression grew predatory.

"I wanted to see you every day.

"I came to your house when you were in hospital. I smelled your bedclothes. I looked at your things." Gokansha's voice was sing-song. Matt froze, on the point of panic.

"You're lying."

"Am I?" asked Gokansha, a sly smile on his face.

"_Yes_! You have to be!" Matt's voice shook at revelation of this invasion. Gokansha had to be lying Please _God_ he had to be lying, he had to be… If he wasn't, then all of Matt's things would be unsanitary, he'd have to throw them all away, get news things, change his room, his home-

Tears involuntarily filled his eyes.

"Awwww… that's so…so pretty…" Gokansha whispered. "I like tears on you. They suit you."

"You're _lying_!" Matt choked on his own angry voice. "You couldn't have touched my things and been in my room! You _b_… You God-damn f _b_…" Matt dissolved into tears, unable to control them at the sudden pain of this new violation. Gabumon instantly digivolved, taking Gokansha completely by surprise.

"What the-!?" Gokansha was immediately silenced by Garurumon's growl- and then his infuriated voice.

"How _dare _you take so lightly what you did to this boy! How dare you tell him such lies and show him such vicious things! Tell the _truth _about the room!"

"I-I don't know! I thought I did go in there, b-but maybe I didn't…" Gokansha breathed heavily, deeply aware that a huge blue wolf was taking up most of his mezzanine.

"_Tell him_!" Garurumon was so close to Gokansha that he could feel the Digimon's breath on his face, hear the constant growl of breath from within his throat. He swallowed.

"Y-you didn't tell me your friend c-could do that…" Gokansha stuttered.

Matt clung to Garurumon's fur, trying to orientate himself, trying to think of ways he could deny this awful intrusion without stretching for straws to clutch.

"You… you couldn't have done the things you said… You couldn't have…done anything with my bedclothes when I was in hospital…" Matt clung to his sanity despite wanting to throw a tantrum, or hurt himself or Gokansha.

"You couldn't have…b-because Daddy… Dad threw my bedclothes away, they weren't good for anything anymore.. Dad threw them away…

"You're _lying_…

"_You're lying_!!"

The venom in his cry was clear and undiluted. All the pain inside him, all the fear, all the anger suddenly turned into spite, hate and disgust. This time though, the disgust was not all for himself.

Garurumon pressed forward to Gokansha, hearing the distress in Matt's voice. His teeth, bared, so close to Gokansha's throat that he could have separated his throat from his voice box in less than a second.

"Are you frighteted now?" Matt's voice was dark and menacing. He stepped forward, always keeping one hand on Garurumon's fur. "Are you frightened now? Like I was? Alone and frightened, facing an event I couldn't control, facing a force I couldn't conquer. Are you frightened now?"

"Y-yes…" Gokansha whispered, backing away further and further, trying to escape the glare and teeth of the dominant Garurumon.

"Then cry out, Mr Gokansha. Scream.

"Because nobody can hear you scream. Here, on your mezzanine, when Garurumon takes out your throat….

"Nobody will hear you scream.

"Nobody will hear you scream.

"Nobody can hear you _scream_…"

* * *

_End of Chapter Seven. Thank you very much for reading :)_


	8. Chapter 8

**Red and White**

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together._

* * *

_**Chapter Eight**_

Masaharu drove intently as TK laid down his argument.

"You might need me. After all, you think I'll sit still if you take me back to Mom's?"

No response.

"_Dad_! I'll come straight after you, you know!"

"No you won't." Dad smiled and turned a corner. "You don't have the address."

"Izzy found it on the Internet, right? Then what makes you think _I _can't find it?" TK bartered. Masaharu glanced at the determined look on his son's face.

"You're just like your brother."

"No, we're _both _just like you." TK reminded. Masaharu raised an eyebrow, but didn't offer a reply.

"Dad, you can't do this to me. You can't take me to Mom's when Matt's in danger! Please?" TK resorted to begging in the absence of any other means. "You _have _to take me with you! I have to help you get Matt back. I-"

"TK, one son in danger is enough. I don't want you to go running in where angel's fear to tread."

_Even if you _are _an angel yourself… _Masaharu thought absently to himself.

"You don't understand! I have to be there, it's …It's my fault he's there, if I had never said those things, if-"

You don't know that." Masaharu pointed out. TK looked dejected and desperate.

"You _have _to let me go with you Dad. Please. I'll never ask anything of you ever again, I swear-"

"Yes you will. And you're still not going, that's an end to it." Masaharu's voice grew stern. TK turned away from his father and tried to think of desperate ideas through which he could get to Matt.

_He must be really hurting to do something stupid like that…_

_And he's hurting because of me…_

_God, what did I do? And why?_

_What am I, crazy? _TK rubbed his forehead with his palm.

_I hit him, and I basically told him to go and die._

_I _so _deserve to be shot for that._

_What if…?_

_What if that's what he had planned…?_

TK froze.

And swallowed.

And remembered.

"_He should have killed me…I wish he'd killed me…" _

The flashback came clear and diamond-sharp to his brain- after all, who wouldn't remember their big brother telling them something like that?

"_He should have killed me…I wish he'd killed me…" _

_That's what he said when he had that fit in our apartment…_

"_I wish he'd killed me…"_

"_I break everything, I ruin everything, I wish I was _dead_!"_

TK wiped sweat from his eyebrows.

_Oh, God, onii-chan, please don't be dead…_

_Please don't…_

_I _need_ you…_

_And like an idiot, I hurt your feelings and made you feel unwanted…_

_What if you're hurting now…?_

Images of Matt being hurt by Gokansha, of him bleeding on a black and red floor came quickly and pointedly to TK's mind. He breathed more quickly as the image turned to the blood on Matt's shirt, that pristine white school shirt…

TK shook his head to dissolve the images, hoping that it would be enough to keep them at bay.

It wasn't.

More images, this time of the knife going in, of Matt being killed right before his metaphorical eyes-

TK shut his real eyes and took a deep breath.

_Please don't be dead, onii-chan…_

He hadn't realised he was shaking. He put his hand to his mouth, hoping to distract the sick feeling in his stomach.

_God, what have I done?_

_Kami-sama, what have I _done_?_

As he glanced up, he recognised the area they were driving through as the roads around Matt's school. As they drove on by the school itself, TK happened to recognise the shock of brown hair at the bus stop.

"Dad, stop!! Quickly, stop!" TK yelled, waving his arm to get his father's attention, but not taking his eyes off the window.

"What?" Masaharu asked instantly, quickly pulling the car over. TK leapt out of the car and raced to the bus stop.

"Tai? What are you all doing still here?!" Tai looked surprised to see TK, but the blonde could tell by looking at the older boy's face that he wasn't at all happy about _still_ being there.

"TK, we've been waiting for a bus the past 45 minutes. I'm about to explode." Tai said angrily, making a good kick at the bus stand.

"Quick- Dad's just over there. TK indicated for Tai and the others to follow. Izzy fought to catch up with TK and when he did, all he could think of to say was,

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry. Dad told me what you did. But I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at me." TK responded quickly, not wishing to dwell on his own tantamount treason.

"Oh. Okay. Good." Izzy mumbled, not sure if it was really good or not. After all, he _could _have refused to tell Matt the address- this was all partly his fault. And TK was mad at himself? Had he missed a vital part of the story? Did that have something to do with the phone call that Tai made to Mr Ishida when they had first got to the bus stop- because Tai hadn't been keen to share much information from it.

They all climbed into the car quickly and Masaharu pulled the people carrier out of the kerb.

"You holding up, TK?" Tai asked. TK felt Tai's firm grip on his shoulder and replied with a quiet,

"Yeah."

"He's going home." Masaharu spoke for the first time to the Destined in the back of the vehicle. TK leapt up in the seat-belt.

"What!? You _can't_ be serious!? You'll give everybody else a ride but me!? Besides, just… just think of the time you'll be losing!"

Masaharu was silent as he pondered this point. In fact, it wasn't a point- it was a double-edged sword.

* * *

"Do you really think I could get over something like that? Did you? Did Baiko get over it?" Matt snarled as Garurumon's teeth clacked at Gokansha's throat. Matt rolled up his sleeves and turned his scarred arms skywards.

"You made me do this! You hurt me so much that I was too frightened to live, too frightened to leave my house and go to school, to walk along corridors, to talk to anybody, or even to eat!" Matt's eyes were filling with tears. "And yet, you could stand there and say that you thought I'd get over it, that you thought it could all be well and good again! Well, it _can't_! It can _never_be! It doesn't just…go away, Baiko would have told you that!"

"He was always better than you! Aniki was _always _better than you!" Suddenly Gokansha managed to catch his voice- the anger that suddenly exploded across his face startled Matt.

"You _slut_!" He yelled, suddenly blind to all Garurumon's threats and advances. Garurumon withdrew, surprised- for despite his anger at this man for having hurt Matt, and despite the knowledge that he could snap his neck with no effort at all- he knew it would taint Matt forever. He knew that it would be an action that scarred him always- like his wrists. And above all, he knew that the blood on Matt's hands and his own paws would make them as bad as Gokansha.

"_What_?" Matt asked, stunned confusion crossing his face.

"You see those little boys on the wall!? You see them!? They're all asking for it! They all want to be touched and felt and mastered- look at those eyes! Look at their come-to –bed eyes! Look at them! _Look_!

"And you… You have eyes like them…" Gokansha spat, pointing madly to the portraits and bodies of the babies on the wall.

"You, with your prety little boy-blue eyes and your cold, hurting expression that you carry all the time! Didn't you just want somebody to make you feel warm for a moment? To feel loved?"

Matt had lost control of the situation again. He was shaking again, unable to control the hate and fear that rose within him.

"That's not love…" Matt shook his head sickly. "It's _not_!"

"You're just a slut. I don't know how I could ever have compared you with onii-chan." Gokansha turned away disrespectfully. Then he glanced over his shoulder.

"But, dammit, I can't help but want you…" He stepped forward.

"Don't come near me! Don't _touch _me!" Matt screamed, and within moments, Garurumon stood defensively between his beloved friend and Gokansha.

"I don't understand what your blue friend is doing here, but I'm not afraid anymore. I've been to Hell and been kissed by a devil, so I'm not afraid anymore…" Gokansha approached calmly. Matt shook his head, inching away from this man who had become the human face of his fear, the man who had taken his innocence from him, who had shown him in no uncertain terms that life could be very, _very_ cruel.

"I don't want you… I don't _want _you…" Was all Matt could force through the tears that streamed down his face. "I don't _want you_!" His voice disappeared into a scream that was morbid pain.

_Don't make me kill you… Don't make me have to kill you… I don't want to have to kill you… _Garurumon thought desperately. _But I will. If you touch Yamato-kun, I will. I _will_…_

Matt felt his legs turn to liquid and clung to Garurumon's coat as his one support in this nightmare he had created for himself.

_Why did I come here…?_

_Oh, God, why…?_

_Not again… Oh, please…_

_Not again…_

_Don't touch me again…_

_You can't…_

_You can't…_

_Oh God, please, you can't…_

Vicious, invasive thoughts reminded him of the first time. Reminded him of that touch, that smell- the smell of Gokansha's skin. His blood ran cold.

_Oh God… _

_Don't rape me again…_

"It'll be good- just like last time. You're an excellent performer, Ishida Yamato." Gokansha leaned down to pick up a picture that had fallen to the floor, never taking his eyes off Matt.

"I'm really quite-"

Suddenly, he was cut short by a bolt of blue, leaping out from in front of Matt and bowling him over.

Gokansha had been so engrossed in his own words, that he han't heard the growl that began in Garurumon's throat and grew and grew and grew, just as Garurumon's anger did…

* * *

Masaharu leapt out of the car.

"This is the place." He slammed the door behind him and sped around to the back of the car, where three irritated Digidestined were waiting to get out. He swung open the door and looked around at TK, who had a haunted expression on his face. Masaharu had silently conceded to his youngest coming along- simply because he couldn't afford the time and well… Matt had always adored TK and he thought that he might need him.

He _hoped_ he would get the chance to need him.

He couldn't even force a smile for the worried TK.

_My son could be dead…_

_My son…could be dead…_

_One of my angels could be dead…_

_I swear… If anything happens to Matt, I'll kill you Gokansha Atasuke. I'll kill you. If you hurt my baby one more time…_

_I'll kill you._

_And I'll make sure it hurts. _

Masaharu walked quickly to the drive of the pretty white house.

_F it. I'm gonna kill you anyway._

"Mr Ishida?" Sora asked nervously. Masaharu turned. Sora averted her eyes and then continued.

"Should I call the police?"

"No." Masaharu answered. Then he thought again.

"Yes. And ask for Detectives Hagiwara and Inoguchi. I want them to see this." Masaharu's face was dark.

"Dad?" TK's voice was high and nervous. "Is there anything we can do?"

Masaharu shook his head. TK glanced at Tai and could tell that he was itching from his toes up to go in there and rescue Matt himself- but he also knew that with his Dad with them, it wasn't so easy. Also, nobody had their Digimon with them. As Digidestined with Digimon, their chances of success were huge. As they were now, although skilled in defence, it wasn't so guaranteed a result.

Although it was only one man…

TK pondered on this- but knew that although he had been able to convince Dad to let him come, he was _never _going to let him into that house.

That pretty, perfect white house with the red walls inside…

* * *

Gokansha fell back against the wall of Baiko's shrine. His face was angry, and he moved quickly. He immediately turned to straighten Baiko's picture, his expression the picture of fury. Garurumon growled furiously.

"I'm not afraid of you! Losing Baiko showed me Hell!" Gokansha bared his teeth, and grabbed a freestanding candle holder, he waved it at Garurumon. Garurumon stepped back, wary of the long flames. Clearly, Gokansha wasn't in the habit of trimming his candle wicks.

"You may not be afraid of me now, but we'll see how afraid you are when you're breathing through an extra hole in your throat!" Garurumon snarled.

Matt stood in a corner of the room, too terrified to move. Far too frightened to guide his Digimon, or even to speak. He watched the events unfolding in front of him with tearful paralysis.

"I'll see you burn in the Hell I have been in! I'll make sure you're not here!" Gokansha waved the candles again.

"I'll make sure you go away and leave us alone!" he spat, wax dripping to the floor as he spoke.

Black tendrils of smoke rose frantically from the wicks of the candles. The wax was burning quickly around the base of the wick- a little too quickly. More spats of wax fell off as he waved the candles again- raising them above his head.

"I'll make sure you _die_!" Gokansha roared insanely. Garurumon dodged the blow easily, but his eyes were quite caught on something else.

Matt gazed blankly at the flame which curled up the wall of Baiko's shrine. It licked hungrily at the paper on the wall- at the old school reports, the old drawings signed by Baiko, the photographs of young brothers sharing their childhood.

Gokansha suddenly saw the light behind him from the corner of his eye. He snapped around, dropping the candles immediately to the floor. His expression of anger was immediately replaced with one of horror and he threw himself towards the pictures, patting at the flames with his hands, frantically trying to save his paper memories.

He wailed in pain, and beat the encroaching flames away from Baiko's central picture with his whole arms.

The place was a firetrap. The fire was spreading too far, too fast- flames were already eating up the photographs and printouts alongside Baiko's shrine. Who knew the last time that the room, greasy with candle wax, had been cleaned?

Matt watched the flames grow steadily larger, watched as Gokansha prostrated himself across the wall of Baiko's shrine to defend his brother against the thief that was fire. He'd watched as Gokansha had raised those candles above his head, he'd watched as the flames had taken to the duck-tailed end of a piece of badly-pinned paper. He'd watched as they had gradually grown higher and higher, fed by old evaporated candle wax that coated everything on the shrine wall.

It was time to stop watching, but fear still froze him to the spot.

Garurumon suddenly appeared in his vision.

"Matt! Come on! Didn't you hear me? We have to get out!"

_The fire… it's eating everything…_

_It's just… It's taking everything…_

_I know I should be running, but I'm too scared…_

_And I'm too tired of running…_

_And I'm tired of being scared…_

_And I'm not sure if I wanna go…_

"Matt!" He heard Garurumon's voice clear through the growing smoke haze- but now he couldn't tell where he was. And _now _he panicked.

"Garurumon! _Garurumon_!" he cried, searching desperately with his hands through clouds of black smoke, which seem to have suddenly come from nowhere.

"Matt! Where are you!?" he heard Garurumon again, but yet again the smoke threw his voice.

"I'm-" Matt took in a deep breath to tell Garurumon exactly where he was- but instead of air he found thick, billowing smoke, and choked. Unable to get his breath, he remembered something he'd heard in fire safety classes as a young child- in a fire, stay close to the floor. The air is better down there.

He dropped to the floor immediately, crawling across to try to find some trace of Garurumon. Still choking, his mind was awhirl with thoughts.

_Oh God…_

_Oh, God, I'm not ready now!_

_I'm not _ready _now!_

_This _isn't _my choice!_

_I don't want to die here with him…!_

_In fact, I just want my Dad and my brother and my friends…_

_And Mom…_

_I wanna go home…_

"Garurumon!" Matt screamed, with what was left of his voice in the darkness…

* * *

Masaharu got to the front door and took a few moments to decide between knocking on it and smashing it in.

He smelled smoke.

It didn't take more than a second after that to decide on smashing the door in.

He frantically kicked at the door, kicked and kicked, and kicked, every time the door groaning and cracking more.

"Matt? Matt!" He yelled in between every strike. Eventually, the red door gave in, and clouds of grey, acrid smoke tumbled out.

_Oh God…_

_Baby, don't be in here…_

Masaharu didn't falter. He covered his face with his sleeve, took a deep breath and ran forward into the burning building.

He dropped to his knees quickly as the smoke thickened. He breathed the clean but smelly air near the ground as he crawled along the floor, reaching out blindly. He hoped for sign of his son, and was granted it not far from the main door.

Garurumon way lying on the floor, with Matt's shirt in his teeth. He'd finally found the boy and had managed to drag him, semi-conscious, towards the door. The cleaner air down there had kept them both just about cognisant.

_I know you're trying to help me, Garurumon, but it's no good…_

_I'm going to die here…_

_I'm going to die here in Gokansha's house…_

_I'm going to-_

"Matt?!" Masaharu pulled at Matt, dragging him across the floor and away from Garurumon's jaws.

"D-Dad?" Matt asked huskily, hardly believing it at all.

Masaharu didn't speak again, just pulled at his son and yanked him towards the door.

Masaharu felt himself become lightheaded. He couldn't let that happen. He took a deep breath, indicated that his son should do the same and lifted Matt into the air, running with him as fast as he could towards the door of the building.

TK waited, silent and hardly breathing as he watched his father enter the house. He'd seen the smoke and begged it to be a figment of his imagination, begged it not to be real.

_Don't tell me I was right…_

_Please, don't tell me I was right…_

_Oh, God, Matt, don't be dead…_

_Please don't leave me…_

A feeling of intense dread filled TK and before he knew it, he was crying. He pulled his hat down further over his face and simply cried.

Tai watched the progression of TK's face over these moments, and knew he was about to lose it. After all, many things about TK had changed since Tai had first met him- but his expression when about to cry was the same as it had been at summer camp.

He walked the few steps to TK and took his face in his hands, even as the bewounded TK still clutched the edges of his hat. TK sobbed as Tai said,

"Matt'll be fine. Trust me." He wiped tears from TK's face- and then hugged him. TK sobbed into Tai's shoulder.

"Oh my God… Oh my God, don't let them take my onii-chan away…" he wept.

"I still owe him a smack, so he's not going anywhere, okay?" Tai laughed gently, bear-hugging TK tighter. TK finally let go of his hat and clutched at Tai's jacket instead. Tai pushed his face closer to TK's- reminding him that he was still there, that he would always be there- no matter what happened that day. After all, if anything happened to Matt he'd have to unofficially adopt TK as a little brother.

Suddenly, the blur of blue and grey that was Garururmon burst out of the front door. Tai's heart leapt, and he turned TK around so that he could see. Closely following came Masaharu, carrying Matt. For a frozen, blinding moment, Tai considered that Matt might be dead- but then he moved in his father's arms and Tai smiled widely and gratefully.

Masaharu put Matt on his feet then promptly fell onto his own backside. Matt followed him down exhaustedly and threw himself into his father's arms.

"I'm sorry…" he wept, huge sobs forcing their way out of his abused lungs. There was a good deal of coughing involved too- the thick smoke had left it's temporary scar. Masaharu held him, glad beyond glad to have the slender form of his son safe and sound in his arms. Then, Matt heard a sound he'd never heard before. It was somewhat like a bear growling- and yet not. He looked through tears at his father face, surprised- to find his father crying. He was so surprised in fact that he stopped crying for a moment.

"Daddy?" He asked, not knowing what to do at _this_ turn of events. His father wasn't supposed to cry- sure he'd done it before- but Matt had certainly never heard him _sobbing_, as he was now.

"God dammit, don't you _ever _do that to me again…" Masaharu wept. "I thought I was going to find you dead or hurt or _anything_… Anything could have happened…"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…I won't…" Matt answered, desperate to stop his father crying. He hugged tighter, and Masaharu pushed his face into Matt's hair. Dirtied by soot as he was, Matt was still the most beautiful thing Masaharu had ever seen right then. In fact- he'd have to put the fear and joy on par with being right there at his birth.

Masaharu wiped his eyes quickly, managing to compose himself before he exposed his tears to his youngest son too, who was quickly headed that way with Sora, Izzy and Tai.

TK stopped as he reached Matt's feet and tried not to burst into tears again.

"Do you even want to _speak _to me anymore?" TK asked Matt, his voice shaking. Matt's eyes filled with tears and he simply held out both arms to his brother. Emotionally exploding with relief, TK dropped to his knees and hugged his brother tightly.

"I'm so sorry, onii-chan! I'm _so_sorry!!" TK wailed into Matt's shoulder. Despite being relieved, he was also extremely grief-stricken. Matt held him close and shushed him,

"No, no, it's okay, TK, it's okay. It was all my fault; you were right, I've been so selfish lately and I'm sorry… I'm the one who should be sorry…"

"I'm so sorry I upset you… I- I'm sorry, I was just angry, I didn't mean any of that stuff I said! I'm so sorry… I was so mean… I said such horrible stuff…

"I hit you…"

"I'm so glad you're not dead… I'm _so_ glad…

"I love you, I'd miss you so much…"

Matt's eyes filled anew when he heard these words. He kissed TK's cheek gently and closed his eyes, dislodging teardrops.

"It's okay… I love you too… It's okay…"

TK reached out to Mat's face, to the cheek he had slapped and stroked it gently.

"I'm sorry. Does it hurt?"

"Nope." Matt smiled. "You must be out of practice."

"I'm sorry…I _suck_…" TK sobbed. Matt laughed at that.

"No you do _not _suck. You _so_ do not suck."

"I'm sorry…I can't apologise enough…" TK wept. "When you ran out on me, I got so scared and worried and you probably have a million-and-one messages on your cell, and I cried and cried and I _cried_…"

Matt's mind recalled that glance he'd made to TK, crying on the floor. The one that had been burned like a brand into his memory forever.

"I know you did… I know… And I'm sorry I made you cry… I never wanted you to cry… You helped me so much, and I acted so ungrateful- I threw away everything you did for me in a second. I'm sorry, too…" Matt's voice was controlled and comforting suddenly. Through the years he had learned to treat his pain as secondary to TK's, had learned from the months prior to his parents divorce that TK's emotions were easier to salve than his own. And so now- as then- he concentrated on his baby brother first.

TK clung to the slender frame of his brother, took comfort in the familiar way he held him, felt reassured by his gentle voice. Took comfort in his face pressed against his own, felt safe and warm and loved at last- for the first time in his life having feared that he had really lost his haven. For a moment, even, having forgotten where that haven was- and then having missed it like a baby and it's mother's milk.

"I'm sorry…" He whispered into Matt's ear. Matt reached up, plucked TK's hat off, kissed his head and then put it back on.

"Don't be silly." He forced through a wet smile.

"Boys and girl- we need to get further away from this house." Masaharu said urgently. No sooner had he spoken than there were crashing sounds from within the house. The roof was caving in on itself, and they were close enough to be in range of falling debris. Masaharu helped Matt to his feet, and Matt took his little brother's hand tightly in his as they moved quickly away from the burning building.

Far enough away to be clear of danger, and yet close enough to watch things blackening and burning inside the house, Matt looked down at TK and rubbed the hand he was holding. He had no wish to see this house burn- even though it had contained the man who had destroyed his childhood once and for all. TK covered Matt's hands in his own and clung to his arm- determined to never let his onii-chan be hurt or upset ever again.

Matt looked up as Tai approached him, a relieved smile on his face.

"Hey, excuse me, but is this a family reunion happening without me?" he asked. Matt raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, excuse me, but are you family?" he answered, the smallest of smiles on his face.

"Damn right I am." Tai replied, and gave Matt one of his patented bear hugs. Matt was taken by quiet tears again as he let Tai hold him- and felt in some ways as TK had felt before him. He felt TK's arms around him too, tight around his waist and he felt safe again. Safe at last- the kind of safe he hadn't felt in a long, long time. A kind of safe that he had forgotten how to feel.

"I'm glad you're okay… But I owe you a good smack for coming here by yourself. I won't give you it now, 'cos you're upset, but just remember that I owe you one." Tai said tearfully on Matt's shoulder. Matt laughed wetly,

"I'll even _let _you owe it to me- how's that?"

"Good… I love you, you idiot, you know that, right? I mean, I don't know _why_sometimes, but I do." Tai whispered. Matt filled up again.

"I know… Me too."

"You love yourself?" Tai laughed, poking Matt's ribs. Matt smacked him around the back of the head lightly.

"You _know _what I mean, Tai…" he grinned. Tai clutched Matt around the neck again and smiled.

Out of the corner of his eye, Matt saw Izzy approach. His head was down and he looked away, unable to face the three friends who stood in front of him. Matt gently pulled away from Tai and walked towards the spot where Izzy stood.

As Izzy saw Matt approach, he dropped to his knees and performed dogeza in front of him. Matt stopped immediately, dumbstruck by Izzy's official and extremely repentant bow.

"Izzy, what are you doing?" Matt asked incredulously. Izzy spoke with his face to the ground.

"I'm sorry, Matt, I shouldn't have given you this address. If anything had happened to you, it would have been through my fault."

"Izzy…" Matt dropped to one knee and put a hand on Izzy's back. Izzy looked up from his protestation.

"I asked for the address, remember? If anything terrible had happened to me when I came here, it would have been _my _fault for coming here- and nobody else's. Everybody's so full of 'It's my fault' that nobody's really looking at who _would _be to blame.

"And, well… That would be _me_."

In an uncharacteristic show of affection, Izzy got to his knees and hugged Matt quickly. Matt looked astonished for a moment- and then smiled, feeling loved.

"Come on, on your feet Brainiac." Matt said getting to his own and offering Izzy his hand. Izzy smiled crookedly, but didn't speak.

As Izzy took Matt's hand and rose, Sora came up behind Matt and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Matt turned, surprised, and looked at her.

"We're _all _glad you're safe. She said, fondly. Matt said nothing, just looked at her and smiled.

All five turned as Masaharu approached. Matt thought how strange his bedraggled dad looked, framed by the burning house. Red flames were taking and devouring the once-pretty white building, the wood and brick slowly turning black where the tongue of the fire touched them.

"Can I speak to Matt alone a while, guys?" Masaharu addressed his youngest and his company. They all nodded and wandered away, whilst Masaharu took Matt to one side.

"Are you okay? He didn't hurt you, did he?" he asked, worriedly. Matt shook his head.

"He tried, but- Garurumon! Where-"

"I'm here." Gabumon smiled up at Matt as he wrapped his arms around his leg. Matt smiled widely with relief and bent down to hug his protector.

"Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for coming to my rescue, and thank you for even trying to talk me out of coming here. I didn't listen but… You did it because you had my best interests at heart. Thank you." Matt said openly and honestly. Gabumon blushed and mumbled shyly,

"You're welcome, Yamato-kun."

Masaharu put his hands on his son's shoulders.

"Matt, we need to talk before the police get here. You need to tell me _everything_." His voice was quite urgent, and suddenly Matt understood the need.

He had been in the house of the man accused of raping him. That house was now burning to the ground, possibly with the same said man in it. _That _was going to sound suspicious.

"I didn't do it, Dad." Matt said instantly, terror seeping in through every pore. "He did it himself." Masaharu shushed his suddenly panicked son gently and replied,

"I know, I know. But the police may not see it that way- and after the way they questioned you last time, I don't know how you'll cope. So you have to tell me, okay? I want to know everything that happened."

So Matt sat down on the ground and went through every small detail with Masaharu- every painful moment of the ordeal. Masaharu listened patiently, right up until and past the moment that the police arrived in the driveway, closely followed by the fire department.

"And there's nothing else you remember? The candle just caught on the pictures?" Masaharu asked, putting his hand on Matt's arm. Matt nodded.

"You never touched him or anything in the room?"

"I was too afraid to." Matt looked his father in the eye and Masaharu saw the nervousness that still resided there. He hugged his son and said quietly,

"It's okay. It'll be all right, son. I'll make sure of it."

Masaharu looked up as he saw two pairs of boots appear in front of him. He glanced up at the faces of their owners.

"Mr Ishida?" asked Detective Hagiwara. Masaharu looked away.

"You know who I am."

"We need to talk to your son about this fire." Detective Inoguchi waved his arm at the burning house, now slowly being brought under control by the fire department.

_Oh my God… It burned. Everything burned._

_All the pictures, the photograph of Baiko. It all burned…_

_All the evidence against him burned…_

_It's not over…_

Matt paled at the thought. He stood on shaky legs and moved towards the police officers. Masaharu's hand leapt out, and he grabbed Matt's arm. Masaharu looked straight at Detective Hagiwara.

"Before you talk to him, I'd like to talk to _you._This man's name was not originally Gokansha Atasuke, it was Ashikaga Atasuke and his brother killed himself through sexual abuse imposed on him by a teacher. This man should have been taken out of society years ago- it's clear he never got over his brother's death. Matt can tell you more about what he said to him, but there's no way this man should have been able to teach children." Masaharu was about to continue, when Hagiwara interrupted him.

"We know."

Masaharu was stunned into silence.

"What?" he asked finally.

"We were about to come to you with some new information when we heard about the house." Inoguchi once again indicated the smoking building. He handed Masaharu a printout of a web page. The moment Masaharu saw it, he winced and handed it back.

"Gokansha owned a paedophile web ring. During some searches of local paedophile homes these were uncovered, and the name 'Baiko' appeared a lot. We traced it back- probably in a similar way to you and found the rat trap. Gokansha's been in webrings for a good while, and he had one of the biggest stocks of child pornography this side of Kobe.

"Thankfully for us, he used an outside server to store them." Inoguchi provided.

"That's a little boy… He's just a baby…" Masaharu said angrily, pointing at the printout.

"That's not the worst of it." Inooguchi said remorsefully. He handed Masaharu another folded printout. Masaharu closed his eyes.

"Go talk to TK, Matt." He instructed. Matt frowned.

"Why?"

"Please, son, just do it." Masaharu's voice wasn't angry, but it contained enough regret for Matt to know that this really wasn't something he wanted to see. He did indeed go to his welcoming brother.

Masaharu unfolded the piece of paper and his face hardened. He rubbed his face and threw the piece of paper back at the detectives.

"I suppose I should be glad it's not of the act itself." He growled. "Was it on the website?"

"Yes." Hagiwara answered. Masaharu shook his head, hands on his hips. He resembled his son for a moment, standing there.

"The website's been removed." Inoguchi offered. Masaharu swung around.

"It's not bad enough that my son has to put up with that b having raped him, now he has to put up with a picture of him half dressed in a school changing room on a website?! What are you people paid for!? For God's sakes, clear it, get rid of it, I never want to hear of that picture again anywhere, not on a website, not at all!" Masaharu put his fingers to his eyes, and rubbed hard, trying to keep tears of helplessness and frustration at bay.

Matt heard his father's outburst- as did the rest of the group. Although they could hear words, they couldn't make out what- but it was enough to hold Matt's worried attention for more than a moment.

"Destroy that. Never let Matt see it. He doesn't need to know that photograph ever existed. It doesn't exist, right?"

"Right." Inoguchi replied.

"I never want my baby to see that. Understand?" He flung his hand out, straight through the air in a dismissive gesture. Inoguchi and Hagiwara looked at each other.

As he stood facing the house, Masaharu noticed the fire crew holding a stretcher. On the stretcher was a thick, black, body bag.

"It's just as well he _is _dead. Or I'd kill him." Masaharu said angrily.

"I think, under the circumstances, there's no need to take this any further." Detective Inoguchi said. Hagiwara looked at him questioningly.

"I think we can be sure that Matt had nothing to do with his death. We do now have reason to believe Matt's story beyond doubt. In fact, so much so that I don't see any reason why this can't be billed as an 'unfortunate accident." Inoguchi continued. He stepped closer to Masaharu and whispered,

"After all- paedophiles deserve all they get, right? If he went to prison, he wouldn't have survived a year."

Masaharu turned and looked at him sharply. He was a man of strong principle- in most cases, all were innocent until proven guilty and dealt with in the appropriate way.

But this man had ruined the rest of his son's childhood, affected him for life.

This one time, he allowed himself to make an exception.

He nodded quickly, and the detectives turned and walked away.

He watched as they left, Hagiwara clearly discussing an issue heatedly with Inoguchi. He saw Inoguchi shrug and open the policecar door.

"Daddy?" Masaharu felt a delicate hand enter his. He looked down at Matt as he looked nervously at his father. Masaharu smiled encouragingly and held his hand tighter.

"I thought they wanted to speak to me." Matt said, confused. Masaharu brushed some soot out of Matt's hair and replied,

"No. They don't need to speak to you anymore."

"What, not at all?" Matt asked.

"Nope, not at all."

"Good." Matt nodded anxiously. Masaharu transferred Matt's hand to his other, and put an arm around his shoulder.

"Come on. You need to get those lungs looked at." He said, herding Matt towards an ambulance that had arrived not long after the detectives.

"No, they're fine." Matt replied, slapping his chest as if to prove it. A bout of coughing ensued and Masaharu looked, concerned, at his son.

"I guess not." Matt said huskily as he caught his breath.

"I'm sure they'll _be_ fine, they're just not fine _now_." Masaharu said sagely, and continued to herd Matt towards the paramedics.

The paramedics wrapped a warm blanket around Matt and lifted him up into the ambulance bodily. Matt reached out for his dad as Masaharu climbed into the ambulance after him.

The ambulance waited for a while, to see if there was any further need for them. TK rushed up, panicking tha something was serioiusly wrong.

"Matt, what's the matter? What'd I miss?" TK fretted, and Matt reached out for his baby brother. Masaharu stood and gave TK a hand-up into the back of the ambulance.

"It's okay, Teek, Dad just wants the hospital to look at my lungs."

"You're okay though, right?" TK's worried frown made Matt smile.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"Ooh, Matt's getting a ride in an ambulance! Can I come?" Asked Tai, climbing into the back too. Matt pulled a wry face.

"Do you want to go _everywhere_ with me?"

"No, just in the back of the ambulance." Tai winked.

"No, you can't come. Injured parties only." Matt poked his tongue out at Tai. Tai pouted.

"Ohhhhh…" he whined. Matt rolled his eyes.

"There's no space Tai!" he argued. TK grinned at their exchange.

"Actually, he's right; there isn't. But you kids have got to get home somehow and we're on the other side of town. I have to go with Matt, so…" Masaharu dug in his back pocket for his wallet. Darkness was settling in and the dusky light was fading fast. He handed Tai some money.

"Take this, get a cab and make sure everybody gets home safely. My phone is in the car; if anybody needs to call their folks, they can do it with that."

"Thanks Mr Ishida." Tai said respectfully. He took the money.

"TK, do you want to come with us or go with Tai?"

"I'll go with you." TK answered immediately.

"Are you sure? You'll be bored; we could be a while." Masaharu warned. TK shrugged.

"I don't care." He smiled at Matt, and his onii-chan returned the gesture.

Tai called for a cab with his own phone, and fortunately they were told only a few minutes.

"Tai, can you take Gabumon home, too?" Matt asked.

"But I want to go with you." Gabumon said sadly, as he climbed surreptitiously into the back of the ambulance. Matt smiled and put his hand on Gabumon's head.

"I know, but you can't. There'll be too many questions at the hospital."

"I guess so." Gabumon resigned himself to the fact that he'd have to wait for Matt at home.

"I'll be fine. I have Dad and TK and I'll be home soon- so don't worry."

"Okay." Gabumon smiled, graceful in defeat. Matt reached forward and hugged him.

"Thank you for caring so much."

"It's hard _not _to care about you, Yamato-kun." Gabumon smiled gratefully.

The cab arrived soon afterwards and Tai took off his jacket, covering Gabumon with it to avoid stares and curious questions.

"Are we ready to go?" a paramedic asked Masaharu finally.

"Sure; can I just make sure these kids get going okay?"

"No problem." The paramedic answered.

Tai saw Matt watching as he got in the car, herding Gabumon in front of him. He paused, put his hand over his heart and smiled at Matt. Matt raised a hand in temporary farewell and Tai winked, then getting into the car quickly.

Matt's smile didn't falter.

"He's a good boy and a great friend." Masaharu said softly to his son. Matt nodded.

"He _is_."

Matt wandered over to the bed and sat on it as the paramedics shut the ambulance doors.

"Ya gotta lay down, buddy." one of the paramedics said to Matt.

"Why? I'm fine." Matt protested a little.

"'Cos them's the rules." The paramedic had a winning smile, and Matt resigned himself to laying down on the bed. Masaharu managed to convince them that there was no need to strap him in, though, for which Matt was grateful.

The ambulance was suprisingly quiet as it moved off, and the gentle rhythm of the vehicle made Matt drowsy.

He felt his father's hand on his forehead and opened his eyes, which had closed themselves. He smiled.

"Are you okay?" Masaharu asked gently. Matt nodded.

"No, I mean _really_ okay." Masaharu's expression changed slightly. Matt gave the answer some thought before he gave it.

"I think I _can_ be."

Masaharu stroked his forehead again.

"Is he dead?" Matt asked, an involuntary shiver invading his otherwise comfortable state. Masaharu paused, but eventually nodded.

"Yes. He is."

"Is it bad to say I'm not sorry?"

"Not in the circumstances, because I'm not sorry either." Masaharu grinned.

"I feel… funny about it. I don't need to be scared of him anymore, but…

"He was a really sick man." Matt wasn't trying to offer an excuse for his actions, for the desire that had finally indirectly ended his life, but he had been shown a terrible understanding of the man's mental illness.

"He _was_ a sick man. A _very _sick man. But I don't think there was really much anybody could have done for him, Matt. And don't you dare feel sorry for him."

"I don't but… it's just…" Matt looked at TK and TK was suddenly alerted to a silent quest for help. He stood carefully and walked over to the bed, resting his arms on it as he dropped to his knees. Matt reached out carefully and hugged his little brother.

"What? What is it, aniki?" TK asked, instantly hugging Matt back.

"He was somebody's little brother." He said quietly. TK frowned in confusion.

"TK…I'm sorry I hurt you when I tried to kill myself. You know it wasn't you I was trying to get away from, right? You know I'd never have stopped loving you, or being your big brother, right? If I'd…you know…done it properly…" Matt continued quietly.

"I've never been more glad that you failed at anything…" TK answered. "I'd have gone to pieces…"

"I know… And I'm sorry." Matt replied, sniffing.

"But I've still got you, so it's okay. If I've got you, I can work with everything, I can make do with whatever I've got and make it work for me." TK said, never meaning anything more.

"And I want you to make good on everything you have." Matt instructed, and TK laughed to stop himself from crying.

"I love you, aniki."

"I love you, too."

Matt drew back and rested a hand on TK's neck.

"He was wrong. He said you were like him, but you're not. You're _so_not like him. He sucked and you, you're just…an angel or something." He said. TK wrapped his arms around his onii-chan and giggled,

"Well, I wouldn't go that far- not after what I did this afternoon…"

"Oh yeah… Matt smiled and laughed- his eyes damp. "Well, maybe not an _angel_, then…Or maybe an angel, just not all the time."

"I'm glad you don't have to be frightened of him anymore, onii-chan." TK said suddenly.

"It's not a miracle cure, Teek. I'm still not… like I was. But maybe I can get there. Maybe… Maybe you can help me get there."

"Sure!" TK exclaimed. "I don't mind- I'll do whatever you want me to."

"That's what I like to see." Smiled Masaharu, and the boys turned to look at him inquisitively. He shrugged.

"My two favourite boys getting along of course! What else did you think I meant?" he winked. Both boys smiled.

Suddenly, Masaharu looked pained.

"Dad? What is it?" asked TK worriedly. Masaharu looked at his youngest through a wounded frown.

"I just realised I have to explain all this to your mother, yet…Oh, God, what fun…"

Matt giggled.

"I'll do it."

"You're going to be sitting in Accident and Emergency for ages, you're not going to get a chance to tell her anything. And of course, it'll all be _my _fault."

"Awww…Poor Dad. It's not your fault." Matt smiled and threw himself at his father. Masaharu smiled as he caught his son deftly.

"It doesn't matter- it's worth it for you, anyway."

"What about me?" asked TK in mock-hurt. Masaharu freed one hand and grabbed TK by the shoulders.

"And for you, too."

"Hey, TK, shall we 'get' Dad?" Matt asked, his face flushed suddenly. A look of mischief crossed TK's face and he grinned.

"No, don't you- Matt, you're supposed to be lying down! TK, you're gonna fall and hurt yourse-" The rest of Masaharu's words were taken away by his two sons who attempted to roughhouse him. Very quickly, the realised that they still weren't a match for him as he bodily laid Matt back down on the bed and forced TK to sit down beside him before he fell over in the moving vehicle.

"Sometimes, you two… Just _sometimes_…" Masaharu warned playfully. Matt and TK just grinned at each other.

* * *

_End of Chapter Eight. Thank you very much for reading :)_


	9. Chapter 9

**Red and White**

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together._

* * *

_**Chapter Nine**_

"Matt!? Are you going to get up today?" Masaharu yelled as he opened a cupboard door in search of something clean to make a coffee in.

Matt opened one eye slowly and scanned his room. He then shut it again purposefully.

"Mmm." He replied lazily.

The next thing he knew, his curtains were noisily drawn back and the morning sun shone arrogantly into his room. To this, he screwed up his eyes, moaned and swung himself over in the bed.

"I thought we were going to see a movie today?" Masaharu asked, coffee in hand. "Or are you and TK too old to be seen with your poor old Dad anymore?"

"No. Where's mine?" Matt opened his eyes a little and shielded them from the bright sunlight with his hand.

"Where's your what?"

"My coffee."

"In the pot, for when you get up, lazy-legs." Masaharu chuckled.

"Muughh… You're _mean_…" Matt faux-sulked, covering his eyes completely and slumping back down in the bed. Masaharu grinned.

"Mm-hmm, I'm as mean as they come." He agreed.

"Maaahh!" Matt replied loudly, to which Masaharu yelled, cheerfully

"Get up!"

Finally Matt did so, wrapping his dressing gown loosely around himself, not doing up the belt. He slunk out to the kitchen area where Masaharu dutifully rammed a mug of coffee into his hand.

"What time did you actually go to bed last night?" Masaharu asked.

"I don't know… Late sometime…"

"I went to bed at about 11.30- and you were still awake, yakking with Tai online."

"Mmm.." Matt drank from the coffee mug.

"I went to the board, too." Matt continued after a mouthful of coffee. Masaharu looked up from his own mug.

"Yeah?"

"Someone new was there, so most of us were talking to him. It was kinda sad."

"It's always kinda sad." Masaharu's face fell..

"He kinda reminded me of…me. And what I went through."

Masaharu was silent as his son continued.

"What made it worse was that he tried to do what I did, only his family and friends aren't as understanding as mine. He wanted to do it again, that's why I was up so late last night. His family don't know yet, about why he did it. He's too frightened to tell them."

"Did you make any progress with him?" Masaharu asked, genuinely concerned.

"I think so. He seemed a little easier about himself. I went into a private chat room with him and gave him my e-mail address and phone number.

"I hope he contacts me.

"Don't want anyone to have to go through that on their own."

Masaharu didn't answer, just shook his head.

"Maybe I can help- I don't know, maybe talk to his parents and try to explain for him… It's not easy…"

"I know." Masaharu replied. "But don't upset yourself doing it. It's not as if your over your own abuse yet."

"Why, what'll you do- cut my internet connection?" Matt grinned slyly. Masaharu raised an eyebrow and smiled into the mug he was still holding.

"Maybe."

"You wouldn't dare!" Matt cried, horrorstruck.

"Yeah, and what would you do about it?" Masaharu prodded playfully.

"Leave school and get a job of my own to pay for it!" Matt poked his tongue out at his father. Masaharu raised an eyebrow again.

"Now _that _I know you _woudn't _dare." He replied. "Mom and I would have you for breakfast."

"Talking of breakfast…" Matt said, putting the coffee down on the side and looking in a cupboard behind him.

"Dad…?" Matt asked, incredulous. "Did you actually go grocery shopping this morning?"

"Seeing as I've been up three hours longer than you, is that really a surprise?" Masaharu asked, putting his mug in the sink.

"We _never _have groceries in the house! Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Matt poked his head around the cupboard door and raised his eyebrows in an expression of shock. Masaharu walked straight out of the kitchen and replied, good-naturedly,

"Go back to bed- give that sharp tongue of yours a longer rest!"

"Mnn! Meanie." Matt poked his tongue out at his father's back.

Today was an especially good day- but Matt's relationship with his father had improved vastly over the last eight months. He had made a special effort to be there for his son. He hadn't worked much in the way of extra hours at the TV station for months. He'd become a good listener- through sheer patience. Even though to his own mind he could never really know what his son had gone through, he had an understanding of it- and it showed every time he dealt in any way with his child.

From Matt's point of view, Masaharu had risen greatly in his esteem. Though he had never harboured any real anger at his father for his childhood, and spending many nights without any form of parental company- he'd never really been at peace with it, either. Masaharu, in an instant, in a moment of desperate need, of mandatory understanding, had changed his child's entire view of him. Matt finally felt… protected. He'd rarely ever felt protected or defended by his father. He'd only ever occasionally felt loved or comforted. It wasn't because his father hadn't cared before. It was only that he'd never known quite how to show it.

But, with a wall behind him and his son's potential death in front of him, Masaharu had learned quickly- and they were skills he would never forget. They were skills he would never _allow _himself to forget- not now that he knew them.

Even TK had noticed a pleasurable change in his father. He was much more affectionate- and finally his sons were aware that they really _did _come before the TV station. In truth, they always had- but their emotionally difficult father had had a hard time showing it.

Matt was gazing blankly at a bagel for a long time before he felt his father's hand on his shoulder.

He no longer needed to say anything. He no longer needed to ask the mandatory question. Matt knew now that 'the hand' asked it, instead of words.

"I'm okay." Matt smiled. "Just thinking about Aki."

"The boy from last night?"

"Yeah. I hope he's okay." Matt cut the bagel in two and rammed it into the toaster.

"You worry too much about others, and not about yourself." Masaharu warned.

"But…I wish I could _do _something. I know what it's like, I've been there…"

"I know. But, what could you do? If he's too afraid to tell his parents, what makes you think he'll let _you_ talk to them?" Matt sighed deeply.

"I don't know." He looked at his wrists, which were just visible underneath his pyjama and dressing gown sleeves. The scars were pinker now, less angry. They had purple tones to them, but at least they weren't as aggressive as they had been. For a moment, Matt's mind flashed back to the wrists, covered in red.

"I just wish…" he mumbled.

Masaharu didn't offer any words of comfort this time. He knew that. whatever he said, it wouldn't make Matt feel any better. He walked over to the refrigerator and took out the cream cheese. He offered it to his son, who took it.

"Should I call TK, and get him to come around so we're ready to go?" Masaharu asked, a soft, encouraging smile on his face. Matt smiled, despite his inner concerns and nodded.

"Yeah."

"Maaatt!! Aren't you ready yet!?" TK yowled from outside Matt's room. Matt plucked twice more at his hair with the gel and stood back from the mirror.

"_Yes_, I'm coming, I'm coming!"

"You'll be in a theatre! It's not as if anyone's gonna see you!"

Matt opened the door suddenly and plucked TK's hat off, hiding it behind his back.

"Yeah, so?" He asked, grinning all the while as TK tried to get behind him for the hat.

"Give it back!" TK pouted, leaping forward for the hat.

"Matt! Stop tormenting your little brother! Give him the hat back." Masaharu instructed, without looking up from his third mug of coffee and his newspaper. Matt rolled his eyes and plopped the hat back on TK's head- messily.

"Sometimes you suck." TK pouted, sorting out the mess that was his hat.

"And the rest of the time?" Matt prompted, smiling wickedly.

"Mm. Acceptable." TK replied nonchalantly.

Matt tutted and threw him a peace offering of a chocolate bar he'd _also_had hidden behind his back. TK caught it easily and grinned, opening it without a pause.

"Make that 'cool'." He said, through a mouthful of chocolate bar.

"That's better." Matt replied, straightening his shirt.

"Okay, I'm ready." He announced, to which his father pretended to pass out in his coffee.

"Not funny." Matt scowled as his brother proceeded to act the same way.

"I don't think you should have that chocolate bar. You're hyper enough already." Matt scolded TK. TK screwed his nose up.

"But it's almost finished now!"

"I'll be out in the car when you two have stopped bickering." Masaharu said and stood, taking his casual jacket from the back of the chair.

Matt poked his tongue out at his little brother and raced after his father, slamming the door behind him- answered gratifyingly by a plaintive whine. He grinned wickedly.

* * *

"I can't believe you two spent most of that movie throwing popcorn at each other!" Masaharu exclaimed as they left the movie theatre. "And worse still, at anyone who got in the way!"

Matt grinned.

"You mean _you_, because you were sitting between us!"

"Not only me! Did you see the look on the face of that young woman two rows in front of us? I could feel her eyes burning through me in a dark movie theatre!" Masaharu grimaced. "I thought you were going to get us all kicked out!"

"Who, us? But we're little _angels_, Dad- nobody would suspect us of _anything_!" TK grinned sweetly and clutched his father's arm for a moment.

Masaharu raised an eyebrow.

"Just as well I know you both better then, isn't it?" he replied, a smile curling the corner of his mouth. Matt stopped and put a hand on his chest.

"Dad! I'm _hurt_!" he said, in tones of mock-injury.

"Yeah, right! Get there in front where I can see you, danger-boy" Masaharu grinned and pulled his lagging son to the front.

"Danger-boy!?"

"Yeah, Danger-boy."

"Hmph. _Danger_-boy…" Matt muttered as he walked in front of his father. Suddenly, he remembered something.

"Dad, I'm going to go shopping this afternoon."

"I didn't think you were a shopping kind of a guy." Masaharu raised his tell-tale eyebrow.

"Sometimes." Matt replied cryptically.

"Sure. Want a ride?" Masaharu asked, as they approached the car in the parking lot.

"Sure." Matt replied. "Not one to turn down a ride, much."

"Can I come?" Asked TK, finally finishing his third ice-cream.

"Depends- how much sugar have you had today?" Matt asked.

TK appeared to count mentally for a few moments and replied,

"Not much."

"You liar!" Matt exclaimed. "You had three ice creams, two Coke's and a bag of candy- you've had plenty! And the chocolate bar I gave you earlier! And whatever you had at Mom's because you were hyper before you got here!"

TK leapt head-first into the car's back seat and Matt covered his face with his hand.

"See what I mean? Right now, you ought to be in a little cage thing, bouncing off the walls."

"Aww, that's not nice, Onii-chan." TK pouted.

"No, it's not is it?" answered Masaharu. "Matt, you can sit in the back with him."

"What, with Hyper-Mad TK!?"

"Yup."

"Argh… crap." Matt muttered quietly as he got ito the back seat with his brother.

"And when you take him shopping, don't let him have any more sugar. His kidneys will collapse." Masaharu called back to his eldest as he got into the driver's seat.

"Who said I was taking him?" Matt replied.

"Me." Masaharu grinned back via the rear-view mirror. Matt rolled his eyes.

* * *

"If I buy your lunch, you have to have Diet Coke. Okay? No more sugar." Matt insisted. TK pulled a face.

"Yuck."

"Yeah, well, if I give you any more sugar, Dad'll kill me. Do you _like _having an Onii-chan?" Matt asked playfully. TK pouted.

"Most of the time."

"Then don't let me see you ingesting anymore sugar. Or one of us is going to be an only child." Matt replied as they got into the McDonald's food queue.

"One of us?" TK replied.

"Yeah. I might kill you, or Dad might kill me."

"You're mean." TK grumbled.

"No, I'm not, I'm concerned for your health. You've had _way_ too much sugar already. And how did you get away with making Dad get you three ice-creams?" Matt questioned.

"Practice." Grinned TK.

"Damn. I need to get in on _that_ act." Matt murmured as they approached the desk.

Fifteen minutes and half a meal later, TK was much calmer. Apparently, he'd had no real breakfast, and so the sugar had gone straight through his system.

"What are you shopping for?" TK asked Matt, finishing his last mouthful of Quarter-Pounder with Cheese.

"I want to get something for Dad." Matt replied, doing away with the last of his Fillet-o-Fish. TK looked confused.

"But his birthday's not for ages yet." He said, uncertainly.

"Yeah, I know, But he's done a lot for me over the past few months and…I just wanted to get him something."

TK nodded.

"Do you know what you want to get?"

"Not yet."

TK glanced down at Matt's wrists, which were slightly visible from underneath the long-sleeved top he wore. The sleeves had risen slightly and his wrists were garnering stares from passers-by in the restaurant. TK reached out and pulled down the sleeves again gently. He'd become used to protecting his brother recently, especially from the stares of strangers.

"You know, you don't have to do that." Matt said gently, knowing that his brother had done it with the best of intentions. He knew TK would never cover his scars because he was ashamed of being with a brother who had tried to commit suicide. TK looked up from the sleeves worriedly.

"I'm not ashamed of them anymore." Matt said softly.

"You never should have been." TK smiled back. He shrugged suddenly and grabbed his Diet Coke, swigging a mouthful.

"Eww…" he screwed up his face.

Matt laughed.

"Eh, maybe you should have had something else…?"

"McDonalds don't do anything else that's sugar-free. You could have gotten me Coke, but no-oo…" TK play-whinged. Matt poked him and said,

"Shut up, and let your onii-chan decide what's good for you."

"It's very hard to _stop _my onii-chan doing that!" TK grinned.

"But you'd miss it if it wasn't there, right?" Matt emotionally prodded. TK shrugged and whipped the straw around in the Diet Coke.

"Meh, I guess so."

* * *

TK yawned. Now that his sugar-rush was wearing off, he was tired and a little grouchy. He gazed blankly at a shirt whilst Matt looked through the gift section of a local men's clothing store. Matt soon turned to TK and screwed up his face in a 'let's go' motion. TK looked up groggily and Matt rolled his eyes, taking his brother by the arm and walking out of the shop.

"You okay?" Matt asked, as he lead his brother to a nearby bench.

"M'tired." TK replied, looking down at the floor as though the weight of his head prevented him doing anything else. Matt sat down next to him and asked,

"Do you want to rest here for a minute?"

"Yeah." TK replied, yawning again.

Matt sat, leaning forward, elbows on his thighs and TK propped himself up on his brother's shoulder.

"See? Now this is what you get for eating all that sugar, all at once." Matt scolded gently. TK frowned, his eyes closed.

"Shut up." He replied, non-maliciously.

They were quiet for a moment, and TK reached up and put his head in his arms on Matt's lowered back. Matt looked around curiously at his brother, but didn't do anything but smile.

"So you haven't found what you're looking for yet?" TK asked dozily.

"No. There's lots of stuff here, but none of it's _right_."

"So, what _are_you looking for?" TK reiterated, dopier still this time.

"I don't think I'm going to know until I actually _find_ it." Matt sighed in his reply.

A few minutes later, Matt sighed lightly and said,

"Come on, Teek, let's get going."

He waited for a reply from his brother, but none came.

"TK?" Matt craned his neck around so that he could look at his brother- who was sound asleep on his back. Matt smiled softly.

"Not just yet then, huh?"

He moved gently, more concerned about letting his brother's head drop off his back than he was about waking him up.

"Teek? Come on TK, you can't sleep up there." Matt called, trying to reach round and support his brother's head as he attempted to sit upright. TK awoke for a second, grumbled incoherently and allowed Matt to guide his head onto his chest instead.

"If you're gonna sleep, sleep there." Matt instructed gently. TK didn't make a single protest.

"How can I tell I'm not going to be able to get what I want today?" Matt sighed, albeit with a small smile on his face as he tucked some loose strands of hair behind TK's ear.

* * *

TK blinked his eyes open and found himself staring at the outside of stores- sideways. He immediately sat up, trying to focus on the ecru-coloured trousers he'd been laying on.

"Okay?" Matt asked. TK looked at him blearily.

"Have I been asleep?"

"Yup."

"How long?"

"Only about twenty minutes or so. You feel any better?"

"Yeah. A bit." TK rubbed his eyes.

"Come on. I won't drag you around too much longer. A couple more shops and we can go home." Matt stood slowly, trying to awaken his butt- which had gone numb against the wooden bench under the weight of his brother's head.

"Mmm." Replied TK. He gazed around blankly for a little bit.

"I promise?" Matt prompted. TK nodded. He looked so forlorn and disoriented suddenly that Matt did something he hadn't done in a while- because the last time it had been rejected and his feelings had been hurt. He held his hand out to TK.

TK smiled and took it.

He let it go soon afterwards, but the fact that he'd taken it as he always had when he was little, was enough to make Matt smile happily.

As they walked past store after store, and Matt was thinking about calling it a day, he stopped abruptly outside a jeweller's window.

"Waagh!" said TK, as Matt grabbed the edge of his collar.

"Look!" exclaimed Matt, pointing through the glass.

"What?"

"There!"

There, at the very front of the window, was a small tie-pin. It was in the abstract shape of two figures, one bigger and leaning down, and the other smaller, reaching up to the bigger one. The figures were joined together by a fragile bond of gold.

"That's it. That's what I've been looking for." Matt smiled. Then he saw the price tag and grimaced.

"Ow… That's expensive…"

"It is… Do you have enough for it?"

Matt was already counting his yen- right down to his change.

"Probably not." He looked dejected. TK bit his lip.

"How much do you have?" he asked.

"15,421 yen. And that's _everything_ I have. Including our bus fare home. It's everything I saved." Matt leaned his head on the glass sadly and sighed.

Disturbed at seeing his brother so despondent, TK started rifling through his own pockets.

"What are you doing?" Matt asked as he heard the rustling of paper. He was surprised when he turned to find TK holding out 3,000 yen's worth of notes to him.

"What's this for?"

"You can give it back to me when you've got it." TK smiled shyly.

"You're lending me the money to get it?!"

"Sure! You didn't even think to ask me, did you?"

"No… I…" Matt blushed. He didn't like asking _anyone _for money- especially his little brother. He was such a prudent saver that it was almost embarrassing to not have enough.

"Mom gave me my allowance this morning. And I know that's what you want to get." TK looked back at it through the window. He turned back to Matt and discovered the yen notes still in his own hand.

"What are you waiting for!? Go and get it!" TK waved the notes and laughed at his brother's reticence. Without another word, Matt grabbed the notes, hugged TK and raced into the store.

TK stood for a moment, dazed by his brother's sudden and unusual show of public affection. Then he smiled discreetly and decided he quite liked it- even though for the sake of his cool he w_ould _say that he hadn't if anyone asked.

TK looked through the window and watched Matt's movements as he spoke to the salesperson behind the counter. He wiped his hot breath off the window as the salesperson approached, pretending not to be interested in what was going on in the shop.

As soon as the man had moved away again, TK gazed back inside and smiled at the look on his brother's face. It really _was _the item he'd been looking for.

Matt came out of the store a few minutes later, still smiling. He held out his hand to TK, offering him the change from the transaction.

"Look at that! There's even enough left to get us home." TK grinned.

"Thanks TK." Matt said gratefully. TK shrugged.

"Sure. You've done that for me plenty of times. It's nice to be able to do it back."

* * *

Matt saw his brother home- even though there was no need to, TK was feeling a lot better after his sugar abstinence. Then he returned to his own home, to prepare dinner and check his e-mail.

Sitting down at his computer, he booted up and waited for his desktop to load. Opened Outlook Express… connected to his server…

And received two e-mails. One of which was junk mail, telling him how easy it was to enlarge his penis, one of which had a subject heading of 'I need someone to talk to'. With a grunt of disgust, Matt deleted the fist message and opened the second one.

It was, as he'd suspected, from Aki.

'Dear Matt.

'I'm glad you offered to talk to me about what happened- you're the only one who did. All the people at the board last night were really good and all, but… They can't help me. You can't help me. I know you've been where I am now, which means that you made the same decisions as I have about dying. That it's best for everyone, that there's not any other options. I know that you tried to tell me that there are last night, and you did a good job. It just wasn't good enough.

'I saw him again today. He just crossed the street in front of me. I was too scared to move, and then he turned around and smiled at me, as if to say 'I've had you once, I can have you again anytime. Just watch me. Just wait for me.'

'There's got to be something else. There's got to be somewhere out there where stuff like this doesn't happen, where people don't just go out and hurt people for the sake of it. Maybe if I die I can find that place. My parents don't know what to do with me, my sister's always around me because she's scared I'll try to kill myself again.

'You know what? Maybe she's right. That's exactly what I want to do. I'm sitting here right now, in front of my computer, with a razor blade and twelve packets of aspirin. Do you think that'll be enough?'

At this point. Matt found himself wiping tears off his keyboard drawer.

'I can't keep being this afraid. There was a time when I was frightened of dying, but I'm not anymore. Surely then, dying can't be as bad as all that? After all, those people who come back from near-death experiences, they all have good things to say about it. Maybe I should just give it a chance.

'But I wanted to thank you for trying to help me. You're the only person who's really tried, in all of this, to make me feel better. You haven't told me that I'll 'get over it' or that it's easy, because you know it's not. It's like when people tell you to smile, because it could be worse- how the Hell should they know? They don't know what's happened to you in your life, or why you're not smiling. Sometimes smiling is hard.

'Sometimes too hard.

'Thank you for trying to make me smile again.

'I'm sure I'm not someone you know well enough to be upset over, but if you were going to be… Don't. I'll be in a better place.

'See you later.

'Aki.'

* * *

When Masaharu opened his front door, he could hear a harsh bubbling sound coming from the kitchen.

"Matt? Are you home?" Masaharu called. He walked into the kitchen area and confusedly turned off a pan of water that had been set to boil on the stove. And boil it had- almost through the bottom of the pan. Masaharu could tell by the white lines on the inside of the pan that it had originally been full of water.

"Matt?" Masaharu's voice became worried. He moved deftly around the table and chairs in the front room and walked straight to Matt's bedroom door. He knocked only once before he entered.

"Matt…" Masaharu said sadly as he laid eyes on his son.

Matt was huddled in a corner of his bedroom, eyes red-raw, half his face buried in his raised knees. In his hand he held a small, brown fluffy thing.

"MuMu again?" Masaharu tried his hand at a smile. Matt just sniffed. Masaharu walked over to his son and crammed himself in the corner next to him.

"What is it, Matt? Tell me what's wrong."

Matt lifted his face off of his knees and sniffed, wiping his face with the heel of his hand. His eyes filled with tears again.

"'S nothing we can do, is there?" he forced, gulping in a deep breath.

"About what, son?" Masaharu asked, confused.

"Aki." Matt breathed quickly for a moment, trying to to descend into tears again.

"I don't know. What do you want us to try?"

"I want us to try and make him not-dead." Matt wept.

"Why? What's happened, Matt?" Masaharu asked warily- knowing that if what it sounded like was true, his son would be devastated all over again.

"He sent me an e-mail…" Matt trailed off. He stood unsteadily and led his father to the computer screen, which had long ago switched to power-save mode. Matt pointed weakly and Masaharu leaned on the desk to get a look at the e-mail. He tapped the mouse and the screen jumped into life.

Masaharu read with a feeling of sadness and dread in his stomach. To get his point across more deeply, the boy had even written his letter in red. It was stark against the background of white that the screen offered.

"You know, most people who make threats like this don't carry out the act." Masaharu said, taking his son's arm gently and leading him back out to the front room.

"But I can't even find out, Dad!" Matt exclaimed, stamping on the floor like a spoiled child for a moment.

"You don't have any details for him?" Masaharu asked gently. Matt shook his head- then pushed it into MuMu.

"I donff wan iff to be beff…" Matt mumbled into MuMu. Masaharu lowered his arms and said,

"What?"

"I said I don't want him to be dead." Matt said sadly.

"Me either. But…" Masaharu began as he sat his son down in a chair. Matt lay down on the table with his head in his crossed arms.

"And this is going to hurt…" Masaharu continued as he sat in the opposite chair, "We're probably never going to know."

Matt nodded, his fingers going to his eyes.

"I really thought I could help him." Matt whispered. Masaharu reached out and placed a reassuring hand on Matt's arm.

"From what I read, it seems that you did. You can't save people, Matt, they have to do that themselves. All you can do is point them in the right direction and hope they don't wander off the path."

"But I wanted to save him."

"Want to or not, it's something _they _have to do. I'm not pretending that the situation he's in is an easy one- we both know it isn't. But if… if he doesn't accept the map to salvation that you offer him…" Masaharu trailed off.

"Then he can't be saved, right?" Matt offered. Masaharu nodded.

"Salvation sucks." Matt breathed deeply again and covered his eyes.

Masaharu was silent as he sadly listened to the irregular breathing of his son. Quiet tears fell onto the table. Matt slid his hand out gently, wiping them away with his fingertips.

"Do you think you could eat something?" Masaharu asked. Matt forced a smile.

"You're still trying to ply me with food, aren't you?"

"Yup."

"No. I'm not hungry."

"Sure?"

Matt nodded. Masaharu put his hand on Matt's head softly until Matt brushed it away.

"I'm okay."

Masaharu nodded, knowing that his son had just told him a lie.

Masaharu busied himself in the kitchen preparing his own dinner. Every now and then he glanced up at his son, who hardly moved from his position- arms spread wide on the table like Christ on the cross.

The phone rang.

Matt didn't move to answer it- and in honesty Masaharu didn't expect him to. He was too upset to speak to anyone, anyway.

Masaharu made his way over to the phone and grabbed it gruffly- angry at it for disturbing his son's fragile peace.

"Hello, Ishida residence?"

"Um…hello? I-is Matt there…?"

Masaharu didn't recognise the voice.

"Depends. Who's calling?"

"Um…d-do I have to?"

"Well…yes, really you do." Masaharu scowled.

"Um…I-I-it's Aki…"

Masaharu's eyebrows shot up.

"Yes, he's here and he'll want to speak to you. Just a second." Masaharu swung around immediately and waved the phone at Matt.

"Matt-chan, quickly. It's for you and it's important."

"Must be. You haven't called me Matt-chan for years." Matt sniffed and got up. "Who is it?"

"Quickly, quickly, just answer it before the poor boy loses his gumption." Masaharu hurried Matt out of the chair and he scowled at his father as he took the phone.

_Poor boy?_

"Hello? Who is it?" Matt asked, trying to take the tears out of his voice before speaking.

"Matt?"

"Yes, who's there?"

"It's Aki…"

"Aki!?" Matt exclaimed, his breathing quickening.

"Yeah. Sorry."

"No…No! Don't you _dare_ be sorry!"

"I couldn't do it…" Matt heard the boy's voice crack at the other end. Masaharu noted his son's look of concern, even though he couldn't hear what was going on at the other end.

"Aki…Oh, God, Aki… I'm so proud of you…I know how much you wanted to do that…" Matt could feel himself tearing up again.

"I wanted to, I really did… But I remembered you saying that, that it just made it worse for you and harder and… and I didn't want to die…" Aki wept.

"No, you did the right thing, Aki, you did the only thing. I'm so proud of you…You did so well…"

"I-I'm sorry about the letter, I just wanted you to be there on the boards and you weren't and…and then I wanted to die and I just wanted someone to know why and I knew you'd understand…" Aki was crying so much that Matt could hardly understand him.

"It's okay, Aki, it's all right. I'm not angry at you or anything, it's okay. I was upset, but now it's okay…" Matt tried to soothe him gently. He heard a door click open in the background and a female voice, worried and high pitched.

"Aki? Is that your mom?" Matt asked, an idea forming in his head.

"N-no, 'ts my sister…" Aki stuttered. The female voice came closer to the phone and Matt heard,

"Aki? Aki, what's wrong? Who are you talking to? Tell me, baby brother…"

Matt felt a pang in his heart- he was someone's little brother, too. Seemed everyone was these days.

"Aki…I know your sister's worried… She probably wants to talk to you- if it was my little brother, I'd want to know straight away…" Matt said softly, trying to soothe Aki's desperate weeping.

"D-do you have a little brother, Matt?" Aki asked, sniffing.

"Yes, I do. His name's TK." Matt answered.

"Huh. That explains a lot." Aki sniffed, trying to stop crying.

"Do you get along with your onee-chan okay, Aki?" Matt asked.

"Sure." Aki's voice disappeared for a moment, then returned.

"I wanna talk with her." Aki sniffled.

"Sure you do. I understand that." Matt said gently. He paused for a moment and then asked,

"Aki, is your mom there? Or your dad?"

"Mama's here…"

"Okay, Aki, if you go and talk to your onee-chan, because I know you want to and I know she's worried, can I talk to your mom?"

"Why?" Aki became defensive immediately.

"Because I think she needs to know what happened to you. My best friend's mom told my dad- and it was the best thing anyone ever did for me."

"No! No, I…"

"Don't be ashamed, Aki. You didn't do anything wrong, nothing you did lead to that man treating you the way he did. You were _not _in the wrong. Your mom needs to know, because right now you're not thinking straight. Okay?"

Masaharu was sitting down at the table in the middle of the room, listening to his son repeat words he'd tried to drill into his head a million times. He smiled gently as tears filled his eyes.

"I don't…I don't want her to think-"

"Any less of you? I know, Aki. I know. I'll try to make sure you sound as sweet as always, okay?" Matt smiled, and the smile travelled through to the listener on the other side.

"'Kay…" Aki conceeded eventually.

"Okay? Is that okay?" Matt wanted confirmation before he broke all the rules of confidentiality.

"Yes." Aki confirmed.

"Okay. Go get your mom." Matt said gently and encouragingly.

Aki disappeared for a while. Matt could hear him crying again and heard the sounds of his sister shushing him and calling for their mom. He waited patiently until, at Aki's repeated request, his mother walked towards the phone. Matt could hear her footsteps and prepared himself.

The phone clacked and clanked as she picked it up.

"Hello? Who is this?" her voice was sharp with anxiety.

"Hi, are you Aki's mom?"

"Yes, who are you?"

"Okay, uh… I know this is going to sound really strange, but please, hear me out. First of all, my name's Matt and I really need to talk to you about Aki…"

Masaharu listened as Matt relayed the boys's story to his mother. There were a few long pauses, and Masaharu recognised these as being the points in Aki's story which were too like his son's own.

He winced when he heard the words,

"I know, because it happened to me."

Hurtful words, but also ones to make him proud.

_I know, because it happened to me._

And it wasn't pride in the fact that it _had _happened to him. It was pride in the fact that his son had started to accept it, that he could even speak about it without turning into the tearful mess he once would have done.

Masaharu stood up finally, as his son's voice became distressed. He walked calmly across to Matt and placed his hand on Matt's shoulder. He held out the other hand for the receiver.

Matt gave it to him hesitantly.

"Hi, I'm Matt's dad. I know this is all a lot to take in right now, but it's important that you do…" His hand didn't leave Matt's shoulder until Matt took it down himself, and clutched it. He gazed at it hard, as though it might suddenly change into something else.

Eventually, after passing over helpline numbers and contacts (which were still kept by the phone) Masaharu finally ended the phonecall. As he put the receiver back onto the cradle, Matt stepped forward to hug him.

"All right?" Masaharu asked gently. Matt nodded.

"Today was a really good day up until the last couple of hours. Now it's a really good day again." He said, tiredly. Masaharu stroked his hair lightly.

"I'm really proud of you." He said. Matt looked up.

"Why?"

"You really dealt with that well. You were as strong as you could be, for as long as you could be. And when you couldn't be strong anymore, you let someone else take control. Sometimes that's important."

"It is?"

"Mm-hmm."

_I love you, Dad._

"Oh! You just reminded me!" Matt exclaimed suddenly, and left the protective quarter of his father's arms to dig in his bedroom for something. Masaharu watched, curious. Matt re-emerged, cradling something in his hands.

"This is for you."

"What?" Masaharu asked, a little confused.

"It's something to…thank you… For being a good dad." Matt looked away, but Masaharu could plainly see he was blushing. He smiled as Matt handed him a small box.

"You know, you don't have to buy me stuff. I'm just doing what Dads should do." He said, as he opened the box.

"Yeah, but recently, you've gone above and beyond the call of duty." Matt waited anxiously for his father's response to the gift.

Masaharu wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but he knew he hadn't been expecting _this._

This, aside from anything else, was probably ridiculously expensive.

It was also a beautiful and touching gesture from his eldest son that he wasn't prepared for.

"Wow…" was all Masaharu could muster at first.

"Do you like it?" Matt smiled nervously. Masaharu looked up and nodded.

"It's wonderful." He traced the delicate line between the parent and child with his finger

"Of course, you know it's too expensive." Masaharu chided gently. Matt shrugged.

"So long as you like it."

"I do." Masaharu stood and enveloped his son in an all-encompassing hug.

"Thank you. You know, it's too much of a treasure for me to ever wear, though. I might lose it." Masaharu worried. Matt rolled his eyes.

"There's no point if you're not gonna wear it!"

"Okay, I'll wear it! But only on _really _special occasions." Masaharu clutched the small box in his hand.

"So you like it?"

"I do."

"Good." Matt breathed an internal sigh of relief.

"But you're still the best gift I've ever been given. You and TK." Masaharu smiled softly.

"Argh, you're gonna get all mushy!" Matt covered his face with his hands. Masaharu laughed.

"No I'm not! I'm just saying what's true, is all." He smiled as his son tried to stifle a yawn.

"Tired?" Masaharu asked. Matt nodded.

"Hungry?" Masaharu tried his luck. Matt closed one eye tightly and wagged his finger at his dad.

"Worth a try." Masaharu shrugged.

The End

Many thanks for reading :) I hope you enjoyed my story :)


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